The Alpha and The Omega
by tracyh
Summary: Sequel to Love Lost and Found. The Potter's final week of life. See how, without even realising it, they are wrapping up their lives, dealing with issues and rediscovering their feelings for each other. Please read and review.
1. On The Run

**The Alpha and The Omega**

Disclaimer: Nah, I'm still not JK!

A/N My sequel to Love Lost and Found, my K-rated story. This story can be read independently, but there are clear references to the previous one, which would make far more sense if you read that first. This story is rated M, because of some mature scenes later and some mature references. Nothing explicit, purely relevant to the plot, I promise! As the story goes on, you will notice what I think of as 'missing scenes'. These are things the characters talk about, but you won't see. If you would like a particular missing scene written as a one shot proper story, then please tell me when you review, mentioning which particular piece of story. Please read and review.

**CHAPTER ONE: ON THE RUN **

Lily Potter sat in her living room and tried to focus on the words of the book she was attempting to read. Her head was spinning from yet another day of being cooped up in the tiny flat she lived in with her husband and son.

A shriek of childish laughter cut through Lily's head like a knife. She looked up from her book and glared at her husband. 'James, will you stop swinging Harry around like that! I've only just fed him, if he's sick again I'll…..' but Lily's voice was cut off as her baby son paled before he burped and deposited half of his recently digested meal on his father's shirt. James Potter pulled a face as his son started to whimper fretfully. 'It's all right son, better out than in eh?' he said, pulling the baby close to him as he waved his wand to get rid of the stain the sick had made on his shirt, and wiping the baby's mouth clean. The baby fretted before chuckling again as his father held him close and tickled him gently. 'You were enjoying yourself weren't you son, pretending to be on Daddy's broom', and then he raised Harry above his head again and swung around, drawing a delighted laugh from the child, and a roar from his mother, 'JAMES!' Lily bellowed, rising to her feet.

James Potter instantly stopped what he was doing. He sighed and looked at Lily who had gone red in the face. He tried to smile nonchalantly. 'Oh come on love, he's having a good time! A little bit of baby sick doesn't matter, I've cleaned it up and….' Lily glared furiously. 'James it does matter! That's the third time this week he's thrown up over you, I'm sick of it!' Lily's emerald eyes were shining with temper.

James lowered Harry down again and held him in his arms. The baby started to whimper softly at the sound of his mother's raised voice. James looked at his wife and frowned, 'Lily, would you just calm down, honestly, it's just a bit of baby sick, in the scheme of things it hardly matters, does it?' he could feel himself getting irritated. He knew any minute now, if something didn't happen, he would be having a full scale argument with his wife – _again_. Lily's eyes narrowed angrily. 'Oh no, of course it doesn't matter! It doesn't matter one bit that I spend ages feeding Harry just for you to turn around and start throwing him in the air like he's a bloody Quaffle, and then having him throw up yet again on one of your shirts, which, coincidentally, _I _wash!'.

James Potter groaned in irritation. 'Oh for God's sake Lily, I've cleaned the stain, just calm down, you're making far too much out of this!' He felt his own anger rising. He took a deep breath. He didn't want another fight. 'Come on love, just relax. You're getting yourself all worked up over nothing' he said reasonably, trying to soothe her.

Lily glared again, 'Oh that's right, I'm getting worked up over nothing! We're cooped up in this grotty place day in and day out, hardly seeing anyone, and never doing anything except worry and jump out of our skins at the slightest noise, and you say I'm getting worked up over nothing! She laughed derisively. James shook his head, finally getting annoyed. 'Lily you know very well I was talking about the bloody shirt! He yelled as his temper reached boiling point. 'You know why we're stuck here. You know damned well, if I could do anything about it I would!' James shook with indignation as he spoke.

Lily laughed scornfully again, her face twisted in fury. 'Of course you would, that's why we've nearly died three times! You've been so bloody good at looking out for us that we're living in this filthy dump, shut up in here, waiting for the day when that madman finds us and kills us, or kills Harry! Sometimes I wish to God I'd never…..' Lily Potter realised instantly that she had gone too far. She shut her mouth before she could say anymore. She looked at James who had gone deathly white. Lily clamped her hand over her mouth as her eyes filled with tears. 'James…..love….I' she tried to form a sentence. The defeated look on his face stopped her. He moved quickly towards her and handed their son to her, who was now crying, scared by the atmosphere in the small room. 'Just forget it Lily, forget it' James whispered, as he turned out of the room and slammed the door.

Lily watched James leave the room and shuddered as he slammed the door behind him. She held Harry to her and stroked his back to comfort him, tears leaking from her own eyes as she soothed his sobs. 'It's all right, Mummy's here, it's all right sweetheart' she soothed. 'Mummy's not cross with you…..she's not even cross with Daddy really….'

Harry Potter looked up at his mother. Lily sighed heavily and tried to smile into the green eyes of her son. Lily felt the familiar rush of love for him. She looked at the face that was so like his father, they had the same black hair, even down to the way it would never lie flat. They had the same features, except his eyes, which mirrored Lily's exactly, almond shaped emerald green eyes. Harry looked at his crying mother and tilted his head as if to wonder what was wrong. Lily smiled at him and stroked his cheek lovingly. He giggled softly, 'Mama!' he cried suddenly. Lily smiled, 'Yes Harry, Mummy loves you too sweetheart….and Daddy loves you, Daddy loves Mummy and Harry very much' Lily said, talking to herself as much as her baby son.

Lily hugged her baby to her as she ran her free hand through her dark red hair. She wiped her tears away and sighed. 'Oh Harry, what are we going to do?' she asked. Harry cooed babyishly. Lily sighed again. 'I've upset Daddy again Harry, why can't I just learn to control my temper? I just hate it, stuck in here day in and day out, not being able to do all the things we wanted to do…all because Voldemort won't leave us alone…..but it isn't Daddy's fault Harry. He's doing everything he can to keep us safe, me and you darling. We're all he's got you see, me and you….and the Marauders of course' she said, smiling softly. 'But Harry, Daddy is doing everything he can, trying so hard to make sure we live, and stay together….and then I go and upset him again!' Lily sighed heavily. Her mind went over the last year, all the trivial arguments she and James had fought, usually started by something stupid, like a spilled drink or anything else that was equally unimportant, considering their lives were in danger. Lily hated fighting with James, but some days the strain they were both under became too much and they ended up taking it out on each other.

Guilt began to flow through Lily. 'Come on darling, Mummy needs to go and say sorry to Daddy while you have your afternoon nap'. For response, Harry yawned sleepily and began to chant 'Daddaddaddadaddadad' as Lily opened the living room door and went to find her husband.

Lily put Harry down in his cot for his nap. She sighed as she remembered the beautiful nursery she and James had prepared at their home in Godric's Hollow, before Harry was born. She vividly remembered how she had spent hours designing the room, and then getting James to paint the walls the Muggle way. She remembered how he had argued that it would have been quicker to do it magically, but he still did as she asked, purely because it was what she wanted.

Lily smiled sadly as she remembered James and his best friend Sirius Black lifting nursery furniture around numerous times, until Lily was happy with the room. She thought of how Sirius had complained every time she changed her mind over where she wanted things, only for James to laugh and say, 'Padfoot, never argue with a pregnant woman. Believe me, for the sake of a quiet life, it's easier to do as you're told'. Then he pulled Lily into his arms and kissed her, saying, 'Whatever makes you happy love, I don't care about anything as long as you're happy'. Sirius growled at that, until Lily hugged him and said she was happy with where everything was now, and he didn't have to lift any more. Sirius beamed at Lily, and hugged her back, saying, 'Good, but I don't care really Lils. Nothing is too much trouble for my Godchild'. Lily knew that was true. Sirius Black, James's longest standing and closest friend doted on Harry as much as James and Lily did themselves.

Now Lily left Harry sleeping peacefully in the tiny room they now used as a nursery, and went through to the room she shared with James.

Lily found her husband sitting on their bed. He had his back to her as she went into the room. Lily quietly closed the bedroom door as she went inside. She walked into the room and went and stood beside James as he sat on his own side of the bed. As he sat, Lily looked down on him and her heart ached.

James Potter was now 21, the same age as Lily. They met at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry; they were in the same house, Gryffindor. James had pestered Lily while they were at school, constantly asking her to go out with him. In their third year he practically stalked her. Lily fought with James almost constantly, refusing his appeals to her, telling him he was 'an arrogant bullying toe-rag' and dismissing him as nothing more than a prankster who thought he could get what he wanted just by asking for it and turning on the charm. The two went on like this until their 7th and final year at Hogwarts.

Two things happened that year that changed Lily's life. James was made Head Boy, despite never having been a prefect, and Lily was Head Girl. Even now Sirius insisted that Dumbledore, the school's Headmaster, was trying to play matchmaker. Then in the November of the 7th year James's parents were murdered by Voldemort's followers, the Deatheaters. Lily still shuddered at the memory of those times. James, who had previously been an outgoing, confident, if arrogant young man, became a mere shadow of himself. He withdrew from virtually everything, refusing to eat and speak to people, unless he was provoked, and then he would just yell and scream at whoever had aggravated his rage. Eventually Lily offered comfort to him and over time the two became friends, and then something more, and were engaged on their very last day at school.

A year later they were married. Then Dumbledore asked James and Lily if they would join the Order of the Phoenix, a group directly involved in the fight against Voldemort, the darkest wizard who ever lived.

Lily looked back now and could hardly believe they could have been so happy and so deeply in love. In those early days, even being in the Order seemed romantic. They both realised the danger they were in, but they were facing it together. Lily knew they felt invincible, that the mere fact that they had each other could get them through anything. Now the danger seemed like a weight, pressing down on both of them. Lily knew James still adored her, as she did him, but their lives had been overtaken by events, which, Lily realised, made them both live in a constant state of fear of losing everything they cherished.

Lily still couldn't believe that an event in their lives that brought them such joy could've led to the danger they now faced. Her mind focused on those times for the millionth time, in a futile attempt to make it make sense…….

When the Potters had been married a few months, Lily discovered she was pregnant. She and James had been so excited, and though it was sooner than they planned, couldn't wait to be parents. Then James and Lily found themselves being directly pursued by Voldemort. At first they thought it was due to their involvement with the Order. On three occasions James and Lily found themselves literally fighting for their lives, only narrowly escaping death. Eventually Harry was born and then the Potter's world changed forever.

Dumbledore contacted the couple to tell them he had heard about a prophecy, which said that a child born at the end of July would be the one who had the power to vanquish the Dark Lord. The prophecy indicated that the child would be born to people who had defied Voldemort three times. James and Lily knew of two children born at the end of July that year. One was Neville Longbottom, born to Alice and Frank Longbottom, who the Potter's knew from school. The other was their son, Harry. Both the Potters and the Longbottoms were in the Order, and both couples had defied Voldemort three times.

Dumbledore said he believed Voldemort seemed sure the prophecy was about Harry and as a result the child was in terrible danger. Voldemort would stop at nothing to get rid of a threat, even if that threat was just a tiny baby. James and Lily had of course tried to convince themselves that the prophecy didn't refer to Harry at all, but that didn't change anything. They both knew that while Voldemort perceived Harry as a threat, he was in danger.

Dumbledore advised James and Lily to give up the training for their careers. Lily was a trainee Healer and James a trainee Auror and then he told them Harry would be safer if they went on the run. The couple did so, believing they would be safe. In time Dumbledore heard rumours that Voldemort had found out where the Potters were and they had to move on again, even further from their own home and the life they had known. Just as they settled in a new place it happened again, which led them to living in this tiny flat that Lily detested with every fibre of her being. Harry was now nearly 15 months old and the danger was still present.

Now Lily looked down on James again. It suddenly struck her that he looked older than his 21 years. He still had the same black hair which stuck up at the back in spite of the many attempts Lily had made to tame it. He still wore his glasses. But the hazel eyes, which used to look like they danced in his head when he found something funny, looked distant. He looked tired and careworn. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Lily's heart ached for him. She quietly knelt at his side and touched his leg. James looked up quickly, startled out of his thoughts by the sudden contact. Lily felt him flinch under her hand. 'James, it's all right, it's just me' she said quietly. Lily watched as he sighed and his shoulders drooped. He stared ahead of himself again, not making eye contact with his wife.

Lily shuddered with shame at the memory of her earlier words to him. She was disgusted with herself for how much she must have hurt him. She cleared her throat before attempting to speak. 'James I'm sorry….I'm so sorry!' in spite of herself Lily started to cry softly. James Potter looked at his wife and shrugged despondently. 'It's all right Lily, you've probably done me a favour, reminding me how useless I am'. His voice was cold and calm, too calm.

Lily's tears continued to fall. She moved so that while she was still on her knees, she was directly in front of James, so he had to look at her. Lily reached out and grasped his hands, which, to her surprise, he didn't pull away. She took that as a good sign. 'James you're not useless, you're a wonderful father and a great husband and I….' but then James did pull his hands out of Lily's. He looked down on her and swallowed hard. Lily could see he was struggling to hold his emotions back. He sighed heavily before speaking again, his voice rising with every word he uttered. 'No, you were right before, I'm useless! I tried to be the big man, getting us wrapped up in the Order, trying to stop Voldemort killing any more people, like he killed Mum and Dad. Then I went and got you pregnant, knowing what a terrible world this is to bring up a child in! I should've stood up to Voldemort better, been more prepared when he tried to kill us, but oh no, I just kept running didn't I? I should've done something then, but I was too bloody scared!' James laughed derisively at himself, shrugging again, as Lily sat and listened, tears still flowing down her face, whilst she shook her head, trying to convince him he was wrong.

James went on, his voice lower and full of pain. 'I wasn't scared of Voldemort Lily. No, the thing that terrified me, that still terrifies me more than anything is the thought of losing you, you and Harry, so I ran. I kept running, thinking that if we got far enough away you'd be all right, but it hasn't worked has it? You're still in danger, Harry's still a defenceless baby, and I'm still terrified, terrified and useless!'

Lily Potter wept as her husband spoke. She could see his handsome features consumed by the pain and fear he felt. She reached out for his hands again and felt him shaking under her touch. 'James, you are _not_ useless. You didn't drag me into the Order! I got involved because I chose to. _I_ made the choice James. I told you when Dumbledore asked us, I wasn't going to sit at home and do nothing while you joined! James, I told you there was no way I was going to let you put yourself in danger if I wasn't with you!' Lily became increasingly desperate to convince James that she had been wrong to be so cruel to him. She went on, her voice becoming firmer. 'You didn't force me to have Harry, it just happened, and I know how much he means to you. I knew from the moment you first held him in your arms James. I know you'd do anything for him, for both of us'. Lily looked James in the eye now, holding his gaze firmly. '_You_ didn't run James, we both did. We ran because if we hadn't Voldemort would've found us, and then we would've either all been killed or he would've killed Harry, and we both know we just can't lose our baby James, we just can't'.

James Potter met his wife's gaze. 'That's why I was having fun with him Lily. I play around with him because it might be the closest I'll get to teaching him to fly and showing him how to play Quidditch. The thing is Harry needs _you_ at this stage in his life. You feed him, change his nappy and do all the things he needs, and I can't help it if I feel that I might never get a chance to do things with him that fathers do with their sons when they get older. I might never see him on a broom; I might never watch him play Quidditch. He's going to be built like a Seeker Lily, I can tell, and it scares the hell out of me to think that I might not see it….and then there's you….' James hesitated, looking at Lily with anguish in his eyes.

Lily continued to look into James's agonised face. 'What about me James?' she asked softly. James Potter sighed heavily. 'Did you know that sometimes I wake up in the night and just lie there and watch you sleep?' Lily shook her head as James went on, she could see he needed to tell her how he felt. 'I lie and listen to you breathing just so I know you're still there. Each time Voldemort tried to kill us, and damned near succeeded, I was scared out of my mind. Lily when I think of how close he got, how he could've easily taken you away from me, I…..' James's voice broke off as his eyes filled with tears. He swallowed hard before he could go on. 'I'm just trying to do the best I can Lily, and I'm sorry I've let you down so badly. I know it isn't much consolation, but I do love you. I know you probably regret ever laying eyes on me. I know you probably wish you'd run a mile when I asked you to marry me, but I can't help it, I love you, I always will.'

Lily Potter couldn't hold back any more. She flung herself into her husband's arms. He hesitated for an instant before he crushed her to himself. 'Oh James, I don't regret any of the time we've spent together' she said urgently, holding him close. 'I don't regret marrying you James, I never will, I love you! When I think of what I said to you…James I'm so sorry!' Lily wept again as James held her as tightly as she was holding him. 'It's all right, it doesn't matter. It's just this situation' James sighed, trying to comfort Lily. 'We _are_ stuck in this place, and it _is_ terrible, it's no wonder we're getting edgy with one another. I swear to you love, if there was anything I could do to change it, I'd do it in a flash'.

Lily suddenly eased out of James's arms a little. 'James I want to go home to Godric's Hollow' she said simply. James closed his eyes and sighed. 'I know you do love, but we can't. Lily you know as well as I do, if we went home Harry would be in danger. I just can't put him or you in danger like that Lily.' Lily looked back into her husband's eyes. 'There has to be something we can do James, we can't go on forever living like this. We hate it, but it isn't good for Harry either. We can't stay on the run forever, can we?' James shook his head, 'No, but I don't know what choice we have, if Voldemort finds Harry…' he shuddered at the thought.

Then something made James think. He thought about Harry and what kind of life he would have if they remained on the run. He met Lily's gaze again, pulling her back into his arms. 'Lily, do you really want to go home?' he asked. Lily nodded, 'Yes, if we can find a way of keeping Harry safe, I want to go home'. James Potter sighed, 'Right, we'd better speak to Dumbledore, he'll know if there is anything we can do'. Lily didn't reply, she just tilted her head up and kissed her husband firmly on the lips.


	2. Fidelius

A/N Thanks for the reviews so far, more would be appreciated as the story goes on. Here's another chapter.

**CHAPTER TWO: FIDELIUS**

Albus Dumbledore made his way to visit James and Lily Potter. He knew what they wanted to do. They wanted to ask him if he knew of any way they could possibly go home, and it was this that filled the wise old wizard's heart with dread.

Dumbledore trembled at the memory of the message he had received from James Potter, asking if he could call on him and Lily urgently. The Hogwarts Headmaster was one of just a handful of people who knew where the Potter's were. He was the one who alerted them to the danger they were in before their son was born, and he was the one who advised them to go on the run, when the child was just a few months old. Thinking now, Dumbledore thought it a miracle that they hadn't decided to go home earlier. In their first few months on the run, the old man almost expected two of his brightest former students to come up with some sort of scheme to enable them to go home, either that, or one of their friends would come up with some plan, but they hadn't. They kept running. They ran even in the face of their enemy chasing them, trying desperately to keep their child alive and holding on to each other as if their very lives depended on it. Now, even without being told, Albus Dumbledore knew the Potter's wanted to go home. He wasn't looking forward to this meeting.

James answered the door to his former Headmaster. 'Sir, it's good to see you, you look well' he said brightly, reaching out and shaking Dumbledore's hand firmly. The older wizard smiled. 'I am well James, and I've told you, it's _Albus_, not Sir, it hasn't been 'Sir' to you for a long time', then his face broke out into a wide grin, 'I seem to remember at school you calling me 'the old git' on more than one occasion, so I'm sure you could drop the 'Sir' by now'. James flushed as Dumbledore's bright blue eyes twinkled with amusement. 'Sorry Sir – er, I mean, _Albus'_ James replied quickly. Dumbledore smiled kindly. 'That's all right, now, where's Lily?' he asked, just as Lily came into the room, Harry in her arms. 'Professor Dumbledore, it's so good to see you'. Lily smiled happily, greeting Dumbledore with a kiss on the cheek. Dumbledore and James exchanged an ironic glance, but neither drew any attention to Lily calling her former Headmaster by his formal title.

The old man looked down his half-moon spectacles at the baby in Lily's arms. 'My my, he has grown hasn't he? How old is he now Lily?' he asked, smiling warmly at the child who was squirming in his mother's arms. 'He'll be 15 months old in a couple of weeks, the time seems to have flown by' Lily said, looking lovingly at her son and stroking his hair. Dumbledore nodded, 'Yes indeed, 15 months on Halloween, that's right, isn't it?' Lily and James both nodded. 'Yes Sir' James said, easily slipping into the old habit of speaking formally to his former Headmaster. Try as he might, he just couldn't use Dumbledore's first name. It just didn't feel right. 'In a way, that's why we wanted to see you'. Dumbledore nodded, 'Yes James, I know what you want to talk to me about'.

James Potter looked at Dumbledore in astonishment. 'You….you already know what we want to ask you?' he asked, unable to restrain his amazement. Even at 21, James Potter remained convinced that Dumbledore knew everything, and it was as if he had just confirmed it. James looked at the older wizard like a child seeing Santa for the first time. Dumbledore smiled benevolently. 'Yes of course, now, shall we sit down and discuss how we might go about getting you home?' The three adults sat down in the living room of the flat, Harry cooing happily in Lily's arms.

James cleared his throat. 'Sir, we've decided we want to go home. We know that under normal circumstances it just wouldn't be possible', he exchanged a glance with Lily as he said this, 'but is there anything we can do? We're prepared to do whatever it takes, as long as Harry is safe' James looked at Dumbledore who looked thoughtful, before glancing at Harry, who chuckled at his father's serious expression.

Dumbledore watched the couple sitting with him and felt terribly old. He knew the terrible dangers they had faced, he knew how close they had come to death. He remembered how they reacted when he told them about the prophecy and how Voldemort believed it referred to Harry. The memory of Lily's tears and James's anger burst into his mind. He remembered how Lily practically begged him to tell her it wasn't true, that the prophecy didn't have anything to do with Harry while James paced up and down, becoming angrier by the second, glowering, looking fit to explode with rage and indignation.

Albus Dumbledore remembered the terrible day he told the Potters they should go on the run, only to help them settle somewhere before telling them they needed to move again, disrupting their young lives even more.

Dumbledore thought carefully before he replied. 'Yes, I see. Well, there is one way, but I….' he was interrupted as James grinned at Lily, 'See, I knew he'd know!' he cried, looking so much like the young schoolboy Dumbledore remembered, the old man wanted to cry. 'James, please, just listen; it isn't as simple as that' Dumbledore said softly. James immediately became solemn again, waiting for Dumbledore to explain.

'There is one way you could go home, but I warn you, it could be dangerous. You would need to involve someone you know you trust implicitly, or at least, someone you know who has your best interests at heart'. Lily's eyes shone in recognition. She knew what the old man was saying. She looked at Dumbledore expectantly. 'You mean the Fidelius Charm, don't you Professor?' she said, her eyes wide. James Potter's eyes switched between Dumbledore and Lily. 'What's the Fidelius Charm?' he asked uncertainly.

Lily turned her attention to James. 'We learned about it at school James, surely you remember?' she questioned. James shook his head. 'Sorry love, you were better at the book stuff than me, I could do the magic, but you always remembered the names and details far better than me, so tell me, what's this Fidelius Charm about?' James was inquisitive. Lily exchanged a look with Dumbledore, who nodded, allowing her to go on. 'The Fidelius Charm effectively binds people who have a secret. It enables a person, or a group of people, to conceal a secret inside a person, their Secret Keeper, by bonding the Secret Keeper to the people it is meant to protect. Under the Fidelius Charm, only the Secret Keeper can reveal the secret. If anyone else reveals it, it's as if whoever they've told can't hear what has been said, or can't understand it'.

James stared at Lily in admiration. It was at times like this that he realised how much he loved her. 'I married a genius, a bloody genius' he thought, amazed. He shifted in his seat to distract himself from staring. 'You mean that if we told a Secret Keeper we were going back to Godric's Hollow, we would be safe, providing the Secret Keeper didn't tell Voldemort where we were?' James's heart started to thump wildly at the thought that he might actually be able to take Lily and Harry home. Lily nodded, smiling at James. 'Yes, and we could see other people at home too. It wouldn't matter who we saw, because as long as the Secret Keeper doesn't tell Voldemort where we are, we'll be fine. Even if someone else told him, he would never know. James, once the charm was performed, Voldemort could look directly into our windows and he wouldn't even realise we were there, as long as our Secret Keeper doesn't tell him'. Lily was starting to tremble to think that she might be able to go home.

Dumbledore suddenly cleared his throat. James and Lily's attention was drawn from each other and back to him. They could see he looked grave. 'The problem with the Fidelius Charm is that you should only use it when you know someone you can be sure you trust totally, someone you know wouldn't give away your secret. As you both know, I feel sure someone close to you is feeding Voldemort information about you, so you should consider very carefully who you use as your Secret Keeper. If you really do wish to use the charm, I would gladly be your Secret Keeper. I feel any other course of action would be most un….'

Dumbledore was interrupted by James rising to his feet abruptly. 'No Sir, with respect, I know someone who we can ask' his eyes met Lily's, who nodded. 'Sirius?' James asked. Lily nodded again, 'Yes James, Sirius' she said simply. Dumbledore sighed deeply. 'I felt certain you would decline my offer, but may I ask you to reconsider? I know you trust Mr. Black completely, but I am convinced that someone is helping Voldemort find out where you are. I feel sure that if I…' Dumbledore was interrupted by James again. 'Sir, we are grateful for everything you've done for us, but I do trust Sirius, I trust him completely. I know he would die before he would betray us, so I know it would be right to ask him to be our Secret Keeper. He can go into hiding or something. It'll be fine, I'm sure of it'.

Dumbledore sighed resignedly. 'Very well, I knew you would reach that conclusion. If for any reason Sirius can not be your Secret Keeper, please contact me and my offer will still be open'. James nodded and Dumbledore spent the rest of his visit explaining to James and Lily exactly what they had to do for the Fidelius Charm. It was a complicated spell.

After a considerable time Dumbledore rose to leave. Lily left the room to put Harry down for a nap. As she did, James went to a cupboard and pulled out a piece of cloth that looked almost like liquid. He held it in his hands, touching it almost reverently. He stepped towards Dumbledore who eyed the material as if he knew what it was. 'Sir, my Dad gave me this when I was in the fifth year at school' James voice was more serious than Dumbledore had ever heard it. 'Would you take it from me and keep it? Would you give it to Harry for me one day?' James swallowed a lump in his throat. 'If Lily and I…' James found himself having to rephrase what he was trying to say, the thought of Lily not making it almost too much for him. 'If _I_ don't make it Sir, will you give this to Harry for me, when he goes to Hogwarts, or when you think the time is right?' Dumbledore looked down to see James holding the material in slightly shaking hands. 'Of course I will, but I would have thought that as his father, you might like to keep it yourself and give it to him'. The old man was struggling to control his own emotions. James swallowed hard, 'Yes Sir, but please, just in case, take it from me and promise me you'll….' His voice broke. Dumbledore nodded and took the material.

James collected himself, regaining some control. 'Sir, would you promise me something else?' Dumbledore nodded, 'If I can, I will, you know that'. James looked towards the door Lily had gone out of. 'Sir, if anything happens, if I…' he swallowed again. 'If I don't make it, will you….will you look after Lily and keep an eye on Harry for me? I…I'd rest easier if I knew they were being looked after properly'. He blinked several times, hard. 'If anything was to happen to…..both me and Lily, we've appointed Sirius as Harry's guardian, but I'd like to think Harry could turn to you too, and you'd look out for him, I'd feel easier if you would'.

Dumbledore's eyes clouded. He sighed and looked at James steadily. 'James you have to believe you will get through, but of course I would do as you ask, I would give Lily any help she would let me offer'. The two men exchanged wry smiles. They both knew how independent Lily could be. Then Dumbledore went on. 'As for Harry, do you trust me to watch out for him in any way I see fit?' James met the Headmaster's steady gaze. 'Yes Sir, I do, and I know Lily would say the same'. 'Then yes James, I will keep an eye on Harry for you, it would be my great privilege'. The old and young man shook hands and then Dumbledore left, feeling older than ever.

Once Dumbledore had gone, James went and found Lily. She was tucking Harry into his cot for a nap. The baby was sleeping soundly, without a worry in the world. James slipped an arm around Lily and looked down on his sleeping son. 'It'll all be all right Lily. I'll do everything I can to make damned sure it's all right. Sirius will watch out for us, I know he will. We'll be fine'. His voice sounded calm and confident, as he wanted, but something inside warned him that he could so easily be wrong.

James turned his attention away from the sleeping child and stroked Lily's cheek. 'OK, the next thing we have to do is speak to Sirius. I'd better get the mirror out eh?' Lily slipped her arms around his neck, 'Yes, the sooner we do that the better, but just one thing before you do.' James looked at Lily quizzically, 'What love?' he asked softly. Lily edged closer to him, 'Nothing really, except that I love you, very much'. James leaned down and placed a tender kiss on Lily's lips. 'I love you too sweetheart, I'll always love you'. Then he quietly slipped away to speak to his best friend.

Later the same day Sirius Black arrived at James and Lily's flat. It had been a while since the couple had seen their closest friend. Lily greeted him with a hug. 'Sirius, it's great to see you' she inspected him closely. 'Are you taking proper care of yourself? You look as if you've lost weight….or is it just too many late nights with your latest fling?' she grinned as she spoke. Sirius Black shook his head. 'Nah, I've given up the women love, too much like hard work, I can't be bothered any more'. Lily narrowed her eyes suspiciously. 'OK, who is this impostor and what have you done with the real Sirius Black?' Sirius just smiled softly and shook his head again. 'No, I mean it Lils, I'm giving it up. No more flings for me. I can't be bothered any more'.

Lily watched Sirius's face and could see he meant every word. She felt concerned. 'Look, Sirius, you are OK aren't you?' She raised her brows as she spoke. Sirius grinned, but Lily was still unconvinced. 'I'm fine, I'm just…well, you know' he replied. Lily moved and hugged him again. 'Yes, I know….but we'll be fine'. Lily knew exactly why Sirius seemed so low. He was worried. Then she beamed at him. 'Actually, that's why James got in touch with you….but I'll let him tell you' she added, as James came into the room with Harry.

James came into the room with his son in his arms and greeted his best friend like they hadn't seen each other for years, instead of a few weeks. 'You look knackered mate, been messing about too much with one of your floozies have you?' he grinned. Sirius laughed, 'Well, you know me mate, 'make hay while the sun shines', and all that'. James laughed, 'It's what you're making while the _moon_ shines that worries me more than the sun pal, I can tell you!' Lily and Sirius exchanged a meaningful look, but Lily said nothing. She knew Sirius was keeping up this jovial exterior for James's benefit.

Sirius stood and took Harry from James, pulling faces at the baby and making him laugh. 'Speaking of the moon, have you seen Moony lately, he looks a lot better' he said casually. James and Lily glanced at one another nervously as if Sirius had said something rude. James found his voice first. 'Er…no, it's been a while since we've seen him, hasn't it Lily?' he said. Lily rolled her eyes and gritted her teeth slightly. 'Um…yes, yes it has been a while….I'm glad he's looking well Sirius' she added, casting James another slightly uncertain look. Sirius went on, completely oblivious to the tense atmosphere in the room. 'Yeah, he's fine Lils. He's just so chuffed you found that bloke who did the potion for him, he's really grateful'. 'I bet he is' James muttered under his breath, making Lily frown at him. She saw her husband's whole body tense up. She decided a change of subject was called for.

'James I told Sirius you would explain to him what we asked him to see us for'. Lily smiled sweetly at James, who exhaled deeply. The tension disappeared from his face and body as quickly as it had arrived. 'Right…yeah…Padfoot….Sirius….' Sirius stopped pulling faces at Harry who was chuckling gleefully on his Godfather's knee. Sirius knew James hardly ever called him by his first name, so it must be something important. 'What's up? What's the matter?' he asked anxiously.

James told Sirius about the meeting with Dumbledore and the Fidelius Charm. He explained how the charm worked, and about the need for a Secret Keeper. When he finished speaking Sirius nodded deeply. 'Right, so that's what you want to do is it? You want to go back to Godric's Hollow?' Lily nodded, 'Yes, but it's more than that'. Sirius looked at James who was watching his friend intently. 'Mate, we want you to be our Secret Keeper' James said. Sirius Black blinked. 'You want me to do it?' he asked, as if he hadn't heard correctly. James didn't reply; he went on watching his friend's face. Then Sirius broke into a wide smile. 'Well why the bloody hell didn't you say so, of course I'll do it!' he cried excitedly. James and Lily couldn't help themselves. They both rushed at Sirius and hugged him, only releasing him when they realised they were all squashing Harry. 'Best not flatten the kid, he's going to be a Marauder one day, aren't you Harry?' Sirius laughed. Harry squealed in response, which, naturally, Sirius took as an affirmative.


	3. Planning

**CHAPTER THREE: PLANNING**

A couple of days after telling Sirius about the Fidelius Charm James and Lily decided to start making their arrangements to go home. They packed the few things they had with them, which didn't take long. Most of their belongings were still at their home, a cottage James bought just before their marriage, just over two years previously. They had left in such a hurry they had only taken the most essential things with them.

Then they had to work out the practicalities of getting home. James had a difficult time explaining to Lily that he didn't think flying on his broom under his invisibility cloak would be a good idea. 'One gust of wind and we'd risk being seen before the charm's done' he said, trying to sound casual. He thanked God Lily was being distracted by Harry at the time, and didn't pick up on the nervousness in his tone. He hadn't been able to tell Lily he had given the cloak to Dumbledore. He knew she would go mad and demand he get it back. She would scream at him that it was his place to give Harry the cloak one day, not Dumbledore's. She would refuse to entertain the idea that he might not be around to do that.

James had also not told Lily he had asked Dumbledore to watch out for her and Harry if he didn't make it. Lily was as determined that James would live as he was for her. James shuddered inwardly at the thought of how Lily would react if she found out that he had talked to Dumbledore about what might happen if he died and Lily was alone with Harry.

James was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts by a knock on the front door. Lily jumped and grabbed Harry. James reached for his wand. 'We're not expecting anybody are we?' he asked Lily, who had gone white. James smiled lightly. 'It's OK love, I doubt very much that Voldemort would knock on the door, that's far too polite for a murderer isn't it?' he said dryly. Lily smiled nervously as James went to the door. 'Who is it?' James asked, addressing the door. 'It's me, Padfoot,' replied Sirius.

James yanked the front door open and Sirius Black came in. James glared at him. 'Thanks for that mate, you've just scared us both half to death, but it's absolutely fine!' he said sarcastically. Sirius smiled weakly. 'Sorry, I was going to use the mirror and let you know I was coming, but in the end I decided to just come…I need to talk to you' he said, his face suddenly strained. James saw the look on his best friend's face. 'What?' he asked. Sirius shook his head. 'Let's sit and I'll tell you'. James eyed Lily, who was sitting down with Harry on her lap. The two men joined her.

Sirius shifted agitatedly in his seat. 'I've been thinking' he said distractedly. James grinned, 'Oh right, should we contact the Daily Prophet now, or later?' he asked. Sirius frowned. 'I'm serious….and don't even bother with the puns either.' James shut his mouth, and straightened his face. Sirius looked worried, in fact he looked upset. 'OK, I'm sorry, what's the matter, you look like your Mum has asked you to move back in with her' James said, trying to lighten the atmosphere. Sirius smiled weakly again. 'I wish she had….it's worse than that…much worse'. James looked at Lily again; neither of them could work out what was going on. Lily tried next. 'Sirius, what is it?' she asked kindly. Sirius looked at both his friends as if he was trying to absorb every detail of them. Then he frowned before he spoke. 'I….James…Lily…I…' he swallowed a lump that was trying to form in the back of his throat. 'I...I c-can't be your Secret Keeper'. He clamped his mouth shut as soon as the words were out.

James caught his breath. 'You….' then he laughed lightly. 'Very funny you git, stop playing about, that isn't funny!' Sirius shook his head. 'No, I mean it, I can't be your Secret Keeper….I'm really sorry'. Lily's eyes filled with tears. 'But….but Sirius, _why_?' she asked, her voice almost whining. Sirius faced Lily, and could hardly look into her eyes. 'I'm sorry Lils, I'd love to do it, you know I'd do anything for you three, but I just can't do this…I'm scared'. The admission was out before Sirius could stop it.

Suddenly James was on his feet. Lily could see he was angry. 'Well how the bloody hell do you think we feel!' he raged, beginning to pace up and down the room in agitation. 'We've had this hanging over us for over a year! We wake up in the morning scared we won't see the night, and then we go to bed at night scared we won't see the bloody sun come up, and you…we ask you to do _one_ thing for us, just one bloody thing so that we can go home with our son and know he'll be all right, and you won't do it because you're bloody scared!' he yelled derisively. Sirius rose now, horror and indignation on his face.

Lily stood quickly and took Harry into another room. He was becoming frightened by his father's raised voice. Lily had tears running down her face. Sirius saying he couldn't be their Secret Keeper felt like the end of the world.

Sirius stood as James glared at him furiously. I'm not scared for me you prat! I'm bloody scared for _you_, for all three of you!' He shouted as loud as James. James stopped pacing. 'Well don't be! Be our Secret Keeper and we'll be all right! You don't need to be scared for us, just be our Secret Keeper and we'll be OK!' James could feel panic rising through his whole body. He was wide eyed and almost shaking. Sirius shook his head, he stopped yelling. Instead, his voice came out almost as a hoarse whisper. 'I _can't_….' he swallowed hard, shaking under the weight of his feelings. 'I can't do it Prongs. If Voldemort captured me…' 'That won't happen; you'll be going into hiding won't you? We've already said, that's the deal', James interrupted, his own voice lowering. Sirius shook his head, 'No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm trying to tell you that if Voldemort captured me and tortured me, I'm scared I'll tell him where you are and….' Sirius's voice cracked with emotion. 'If something happened to you three because of me….Prongs I couldn't live with myself….you're the only family I've got and I'd never forgive myself if you…' Sirius could feel the tears coming into the back of his throat. He swallowed them down. 'Please, try to understand. As much as I want to, I just can't do this for you'. He finished speaking, trembling with the strength of his feelings.

James Potter sighed heavily, his anger vanishing abruptly. He did understand what Sirius was saying. As much as he hated it, he understood. He moved and embraced his friend. 'It's OK, I understand, don't worry about it…we'll find someone else, don't worry'. Sirius embraced James in return, relief washing over him. 'I mean it Prongs, I am sorry, really I am'. James pulled away first. 'I told you, it's OK, don't give it another thought'.

Lily came back into the room on hearing the voices lower. She had heard enough to know what had happened. 'Yes Sirius, we both understand, but who else can we use?' she asked. Sirius brightened up. 'Well maybe you could ask Moony…or maybe not' he added quickly, seeing James tense. Lily groaned. 'For goodness sake James, isn't it time you got over this now?' she demanded. James frowned, 'Lily this isn't the time for this discussion, but no, we are not using Lupin as our Secret Keeper'. Lily glared. 'James, honestly, if we don't use him, he'll think we think he's the spy or something!' James glowered at Lily. 'I don't care, I'd rather he think we think he's the spy than use him as our Secret Keeper, we're not using him and that's final!' James and Lily stared at one another, one in amazement, and the other in defiance. James had never flatly refused Lily anything before, and neither of them could quite believe he had now.

Sirius interrupted this scene, without having the slightest idea what they were talking about. 'You don't really think Moony's the spy, do you?' he asked James uncertainly. 'I don't know….why, what do you think?' James asked in a matter-of-fact tone, raising his eyebrows. Sirius looked unsure if he should commit himself. 'Well….he is a werewolf, and the werewolves are on Voldemort's side aren't they?' Lily snorted in disgust. 'You two…you're as bad as each other!' she cried indignantly. 'He's supposed to be your friend, and you think he's the spy' she glared at Sirius, who seemed to shrink under her angry gaze, 'and as for you….' Lily glowered at James, unable to go on. She wouldn't discuss the problem in front of Sirius.

'OK, so not Remus' Lily changed the direction of the discussion abruptly. James exhaled, knowing it wasn't really over. Lily carried on speaking. 'So who can we use?' Sirius thought. 'Well, you could always use Wormtail'. Lily frowned. 'No' she said. James looked at her sharply. 'Why not, that would work'. Lily frowned. 'I just don't think it would be a good idea…you've said yourself, he's hardly the brightest biscuit in the barrel is he?' James sniggered, that was true. 'No, but he wouldn't have to do the charm, one of us could do it'. Lily frowned again, 'James please, not Peter, you know I don't trust him….we don't see him a lot lately and when we do he looks so…._shifty_'. Sirius broke into laughter. 'Lils, Wormy hasn't got enough in him to be shifty!' Then Sirius's face lit up. 'Actually, that's it…..use Wormy! God knows, he doesn't look like the most obvious choice as your Secret Keeper, but that's what makes him so perfect! Voldemort'll never work it out. He'll think you've used me, ha!' James was anxious again, 'But what if he captures you? If he thinks you're our Secret Keeper, he could take you and….' Sirius waved his hands dismissively, 'Never mind about me! No, this is perfect, the perfect bluff! Stick that up your arse Voldemort!' He burst out laughing again.

Lily coughed, drawing attention back to herself. 'I hate to interrupt this touching scene, but I said no. I don't want Peter as our Secret Keeper, I don't trust him'. James laughed derisively, 'I'd trust him a bloody sight more than I would Lupin' he muttered under his breath. Lily blinked in shock. '_James!'_ she said incredulously. James was about to respond when Sirius cut across her. 'Look you two, I thought you wanted to go home and keep Harry safe'. 'Of course we do!' cried Lily indignantly. 'Well then, use Wormtail. Voldemort will never work it out, and Harry will be safe, simple'.

Sirius said this so calmly Lily was dumbstruck. She thought about it. She realised he had a point. Voldemort would never think they would use Pettigrew as their Secret Keeper. Everyone knew how close James was to Sirius. He would be the most obvious choice for their Secret Keeper. Voldemort would never guess that they would use such an average wizard as Pettigrew.

Lily realised James and Sirius were right. Peter Pettigrew would have to be their Secret Keeper, but then she had a thought. 'James, we could ask Dumbledore'. James shook his head decisively. 'No, he's done enough for us Lily. I can't ask him to do any more'. He knew he was really thinking about the promises Dumbledore had made to him. 'But shouldn't we at least tell him who we are using, he thinks we're using Sirius, shouldn't we tell him about the switch?' Lily still felt unsure. Somehow she knew she would feel safer if Dumbledore knew what was going on. James smiled tenderly. 'No love, we don't need to involve him any more. If Dumbledore doesn't know there's no chance Voldemort will take him to get information out of him. I never liked the way he put himself in danger for us and I think it's time it stopped. No, I think the fewer people who know the truth, the better it is'. Sirius nodded in agreement. 'It's OK Lils. Let Dumbledore think I'm the Secret Keeper. It'll make the bluff even better. Voldemort would expect you to tell Dumbledore, so if even Dumbledore doesn't know the truth, you'll be safer'.

Lily knew she was outnumbered. Peter Pettigrew would be their Secret Keeper, and only the four of them would know.


	4. Home

**CHAPTER FOUR: HOME**

The night before James and Lily were going home finally arrived. They settled Harry down for the night and then went to their own room. The couple got into bed, cuddling close together. Lily rested her head on James's chest. 'James, before we go home, we need to talk about something' she said sounding uneasy. She knew this was going to be difficult. James sat up quickly. 'What? You're not about to tell me you're pregnant again are you?' he asked, smiling nervously. Lily shook her head, 'No love, I'm not pregnant. Besides, I couldn't be, we haven't…..well, you know….have we, for a while?'

James sighed unhappily. That much was true. He and Lily hadn't made love for a while. They both knew the strain they were under was the problem. It had touched every aspect of their lives together. They both realised that when they did make love, it had become an act of desperation and fear, a way of taking comfort from each other and trying to wipe out some of the problems they faced. An act of love that had once been so tender between them had become something so frantic and frenzied, they were both unnerved. James was so frightened of hurting Lily he hardly ever went beyond kissing and holding her any more. He was terrified of what he could do if he did, what he had already done, and as much as they missed each other, he was in no rush to make another mistake……

James was pulled out of his thoughts as Lily sat up and shifted so she was looking at him. 'No James, I think it's about time we talked…..about Remus' she said, a little hesitantly. James groaned and rolled his eyes, 'Lily, come on, it's late. We've got a long day ahead tomorrow, let's just get some sleep and we can talk…..' he went to lie down and close his eyes, but Lily stopped him by grabbing his hand, shaking her head decisively. 'No James, we need to talk about this now. I'm not having this hanging over us any more. I want us to go home and know that this thing won't be brought up again. I need to know its finished James'.

James Potter groaned softly again as he looked into Lily's expressive green eyes, watching him anxiously. 'I don't really want to talk about this Lily, we said we wouldn't, remember?' he said, trying not to sound worried or irritated. He really didn't want the discussion Lily seemed determined to have. Lily took his hand in hers tightly and sighed. 'Yes, I know we promised we wouldn't talk about it again, but that hasn't done us any good. You look fit to explode every time his name is mentioned, and you wouldn't even consider him as our Secret Keeper. You would rather he thought that we think he's in league with Voldemort, and that's just not right James. You're not being fair to him'. James eyes widened in annoyance now, he felt his temper rising. 'How can you say I'm not being fair to him? Lily he nearly split us up!'

Lily shuddered as James became angry, she knew this would happen. '_He_ didn't nearly split us up James, _you_ did' she said, trying to keep calm. Now James was off the bed and on his feet, clearly outraged. He took a deep breath to calm down. He didn't want a fight with Lily now, not when they were so close to going home. 'Now who's being unfair?' he asked quietly.

Lily faced him as he stood on his own side of the bed, opposite her as she sat. 'James how many times do I need to tell you it was nothing?' she asked. 'How many times do I need to say that Remus just got carried away when he knew the Wolfsbane Potion worked and he was trying to thank me for helping him?' James emitted a derogatory laugh. 'Yes, I know he was trying to thank you!' he said, his voice laden with sarcasm. 'It's funny, but I can't remember any other times when he's thanked somebody by trying to put his tongue down their throat!' Lily gasped in dismay at her husband's words. 'You're exaggerating James, it wasn't that bad' she went on as James grimaced in disgust. 'It was just a stupid kiss James. He put arms around me and he kissed me; that's all it was! The way you talk you'd think you'd found us in bed together or something!' James glared, 'Well maybe if I hadn't walked in when I did…'

Lily gasped again in dismay. She found her voice after a moment. 'Are you telling me you think I would've slept with Remus and been unfaithful to you?' she asked, hardly able to contain her shock. She watched James intently, trying to find out what he really thought. James watched her as she faced him. He could see the shock from his words in her eyes and the earnestness of her gaze. He exhaled a breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding and then he sat back down on the bed and grasped both of Lily's hands in his tightly. 'Lily….I…no' he tried to formulate a sentence and found his mouth wouldn't work properly. Lily looked at him with tears starting to gather in the corners of her eyes. 'James you blew it out of all proportion. You made it sound as if you thought I was having an affair with him, and I wasn't…I wouldn't do that, ever. I would never have been unfaithful to you, not with Remus, not with anyone. I don't want anyone but you James, not then, not now…..not ever!' Her voice was resolute.

James swallowed hard. The intensity of Lily's gaze on him was almost painful. 'But you can't deny he has feelings for you…..he's in love with you Lily, I'm certain he is, and I just don't trust him'. Lily gripped his hands in hers. 'But do you trust me?' she asked steadily. James raised a hand to Lily's cheek and cupped it gently. 'Yes love, of course I do, you know I do' he said firmly. Lily nodded, 'Yes, I know, but you have to understand, whatever Remus feels, I'll never feel the same for him. I have a husband and a baby and I'm more than happy with what I've got, so you should just forget what he did and forgive him. I don't want you to resent him any more James, there's no need. He'll never come between us, never'. James stroked Lily's cheek softly. 'OK, I'll try, for you…but Lily…' Lily clasped the hand that was stroking her cheek. 'What James?' she asked tentatively. 'I can't use him as our Secret Keeper, please don't ask me to do that, because I can't. I can't trust him with you and Harry, not with something as important as your lives' he replied. Lily nodded, 'I know, and that's fine, but please, just try to forgive him James. You used to be so close, and now you can hardly stand being in the same room as him. Please, try to forgive him. Don't ruin your friendship for one stupid mistake, not now'.

James Potter nodded tentatively. 'OK, the next time we see him I'll clear the air…and then we can all move on'. Lily reached out and hugged James tightly to her before they both settled down to sleep, ready for the next day when they would be going home with Harry.

The next day dawned bright and clear. The sun streamed in through the half blocked out windows of the flat. Lily thought it ironic that in the late October sunshine the flat didn't look half as bad, but she didn't care. She couldn't wait to get home.

Lily moved on the bed. James was on his back beside her, sleeping. Lily reached over and kissed him softly on the lips. He stirred and then opened his eyes, rubbing them sleepily before reaching out for his glasses and putting them on. 'That was nice….you haven't woken me like that for a while' he said sleepily, reaching out and planting another kiss on Lily's lips. He beamed with pleasure. Lily smiled happily, 'Well hurry up and get dressed and ready so we can go home, and I might just kiss you again' she cooed seductively. Lily felt lighter and happier than she had for months. It felt like some of the fear she felt had lifted. She felt almost carefree.

James suddenly grasped her tightly in his arms, pulling her down on top of him. Lily's eyes met his. 'James, we haven't got time for…..' in spite of herself she felt nervous at their closeness. She knew it was ridiculous, they had been married over two years and had a child together, but they had both been scared by how fierce their love-making had become since they discovered they were in danger. It was as if when they made love they were trying to absorb one another and push the world away. Lily remembered how the last time, James had cried afterwards.

It was the night they moved into the flat. They had been terrified again when they had a message from Dumbledore to say they needed to go, Voldemort knew where they were. He told them where the flat was and to get there as quickly as possible. They got to the flat and put Harry to bed. Then the relief of once again being safe hit them. They found themselves literally ripping one another's clothes off. The next thing they knew they were a tangle of naked bodies, feverishly grabbing and taking what they could from each other, neither of them giving anything to the other. James entered Lily so roughly she cried out in pain. James stopped as soon as he realised what he had done, then he wept and said he felt like he'd raped her. Lily tried to tell him he hadn't, she tried to tell him she had wanted him as much as he did her, but he wouldn't hear it. They had been in the flat for months now, and he hadn't done anything more than kiss her and hold her in all that time.

Now the couple gazed into each other's eyes, their bodies pressed together. Lily could tell James wanted her. He moaned softly in the back of his throat and raised a hand to run it through Lily's long red hair. Lily's heart began to pound in her chest. She could feel James's heart racing beneath her. She raised her hand and placed it over his heart and she felt him shudder under her touch. 'Oh God…._Lily!_' he moaned, his eyes blazing. Lily sighed, 'James, I love you so much!' she cried passionately. Their lips crashed together in a kiss so deep they both lost sense of where they were. They began to tug at one another's nightclothes…just as a shrill cry came from the other room. They both tensed, and Lily's head dropped onto James's chest. They were both out of breath. 'OK Harry! Mummy's nearly there sweetheart, I'll be there in a minute!' Lily called. James sighed and released Lily from his arms. 'I'll go love. It's about time we were getting up anyway. Sirius is coming over, and we're meeting Wormtail at the cottage to do the charm' he said, catching his breath. He got up and went to comfort Harry.

Lily got out of bed and sighed heavily. She really couldn't wait to get home and get some normality back into their lives.

Later, Lily and James had finished making all their last minute arrangements to go home. Sirius arrived, looking brighter than he had for a while. 'Right, are you sure you've got everything? You won't be able to come back once you're out of here' Sirius said, looking more mature than Lily had ever seen him. James laughed, 'Are you joking! We never want to come back here, it's a dump!'

Sirius's face became grave. 'OK, the plan is this, we can't apparate into or out of the cottage because, as we arranged, I've set up an anti-apparition charm for you, like the one Dumbledore did at school. But we can apparate as close as the garden. So, Lily, you apparate first. Wormtail will meet you outside the cottage. Go straight in when you get there. Then I'll apparate, and as we planned, I'll bring Harry. Then you apparate Prongs.' James nodded, 'Yes, and then we'll do the charm'. James stood tall and smiled reassuringly at Lily. 'All right love, it's time. Now, I know you never liked apparating, but it's OK. Just concentrate on where you want to go and you'll be fine. Sirius will be right behind you with Harry'.

Lily looked alarmed suddenly. 'Sirius you won't lose him when you're apparating, will you? You won't get yourself splinched?' Sirius smiled reassuringly, 'Look, this is me you're talking to, Sirius Black, apparator extraordinaire! You know very well I've never splinched myself in my life!' He pulled a face, as if the idea of him making a mess of apparition was out of the question. Lily frowned, 'Well just make sure you don't start now, you'll have my son with you!' James slipped an arm around Lily. 'Love it'll be fine, now come on, it's time we were gone'. He let his arm fall from Lily and she leaned up and kissed him softly before casting Sirius another warning look and apparating with a pop.

When Lily had gone, Sirius took Harry firmly in his arms. 'Right, come on then kiddo, it's our turn. Let's take you to your Mum, before she tries to come back and skins me alive for not being there by now!' The baby chuckled in Sirius's arms. 'We'll see you in a minute mate' Sirius said to James. 'Hang on, before you go…..' James spoke quickly. Sirius stopped and shook his head. 'You were the one in such a hurry to get out, so what's up now?' he laughed. James smiled lightly. 'Nothing's wrong…except….' He looked worried. Sirius groaned and rolled his eyes. 'OK, I know that look and that tone, spit it out'. James sighed, 'Well….it's just….we are doing the right thing aren't we? We are right to go home? Wormtail won't let us down, will he?' Sirius shook his head and glared. 'Look, you want to be at home, don't you, to get your lives back and give Harry some normal life?' James nodded, 'Yes, but if….' Sirius frowned, 'Look, the charm will be in place, and as for Wormtail, you know very well, if he blows this, I won't need a wand, I'll kill him with my bare hands.' James knew his best friend well enough to know he meant what he said. In spite of his anxiety he laughed. 'No, don't kill him just kick his arse for me!'

Sirius grinned, 'Speaking of arse kicking, Lily will be after mine if I don't get there soon. See you in a minute' and he apparated.

James took one last look at the flat he hated so much and then he apparated. In spite of his worry he couldn't wait to be back in his own home with his wife and child.

James arrived at the cottage a few moments later. He could see it had hardly changed in the year they had been away. There was a layer of dust on the windows and the garden was a bit overgrown, but other than that, it was exactly as it was when they left.

When James walked away from the apparition point he realised that Sirius and Lily were still standing on the doorstep. Lily was holding Harry in her arms and Sirius looked mad with anger. James ran over to them. 'What's going on? I thought we were meeting Wormtail and going inside straight away' James said, his eyes meeting Sirius's. Sirius emitted a sound like a growl. 'Wormtail promised he'd be here, and he isn't!' He rolled one of his hands into a fist and punched the other. 'If that idiot has let you down, God help me, I'll….!' Lily pulled Harry closer to herself as she looked anxiously at James. 'I don't like this. I don't think we ought to be outside with Harry like this much longer. James if we're seen…..' Sirius interrupted as James was about to speak. 'Lils, let's just get inside for now. Any one of us can do the unlocking spell on the door, and then lets give that idiot five more minutes, and if he still isn't here I'll….I'll just have to be your Secret Keeper. But I swear if that happens, the last thing I do before I go into hiding is kill that stupid little…..' Sirius broke off from plotting Peter Pettigrew's demise when someone suddenly apparated amongst them. 'Where the bloody hell have you been!' demanded Sirius, to Peter Pettigrew.

Peter Pettigrew was a short plump man with buckteeth. He looked at Sirius and James nervously. 'I'm sorry….I'm sorry…I got er…delayed' he said, shifting anxiously from one foot to the other. Sirius growled. 'Well while you've been messing about we've been stood here waiting for you, now let's get inside!' he glared. James exchanged a look with Lily before he stepped forward, waved his wand and let them all into the cottage.


	5. Charms and Promises

**CHAPTER FIVE: CHARMS AND PROMISES**

The four adults went into the cottage, Lily holding Harry tightly in her arms. As they went inside she looked around, taking in her surroundings. 'Well, it could definitely do with some cleaning, but other than that, it looks like we've never been away' she said, feeling happier now they were inside. James laughed softly. 'You always were house proud love, but let's just get the charm done and get ourselves sorted out before you start getting the dusters out…though God knows, it needs it' he said, as they went into the living room and found a layer of dust on all the furniture. Lily smiled sweetly; 'Who said anything about _me _getting the dusters out James?' she raised her eyebrows as she spoke. James exchanged a knowing look with Sirius. 'Mate, rescue me from this woman! She's going to make me clean!' He laughed. Lily shook her head, 'On second thoughts, I'll do it myself, I want it done properly thank you!' James's mouth dropped open, 'Are you implying my beloved that I can't cope with a simple thing like a bit of housework?' James's eyes were sparkling as he continued to joke with Lily. He felt as if they were suddenly back to normal. Lily grinned at him, 'Yes James, I am telling you that you can't cope with housework, at least not without your wand…and it's more than a bit!'

James shook his head as Lily managed to have the last word, and Sirius laughed loudly. 'Look you two, you can decide who's doing the chores later.' he beamed at Lily suddenly, 'Make Prongs do it Lils, I'd love to see him in an apron!' James glared at Sirius. 'You were supposed to be on my side!' he groaned. Sirius's eyes widened. 'What, and have Lily hex me, no way pal!'

After a while the group became quiet. Only Harry's baby talk broke the atmosphere. Lily got out her wand. 'It's time we did the charm isn't it?' she said, becoming solemn. James nodded. 'Yes, let's get it done, and then it's over with'. His eyes met Peter Pettigrew's. All the time they had been in the house Peter had hardly spoken. He flushed now as James watched him fixedly. 'You are still all right with this aren't you Pete? You don't want to back out or anything?' Pettigrew shook his head determinedly, flushing even more as every eye in the room focused on him. A whimper from Harry made Lily pass him to James. He held the baby close as Lily prepared to carry out the Fidelius Charm. Sirius suddenly coughed, 'I can go if you like, while you do the charm'. James shook his head. 'No, stay, I want you to see this, please'. Sirius nodded, 'OK, I'll stay until it's done and then I'll make sure Wormtail gets into hiding safely. I'll check on you every evening Pete, OK?' he asked, as Lily, James with Harry in his arms and Pettigrew formed a circle. Pettigrew nodded, 'OK, that's fine Padfoot' he said quickly.

Lily Potter now stood beside James on the one side of her, and Pettigrew on the other. 'OK, here we go' she sounded nervous. She glanced at James, her eyes wide. 'It's OK love, you can do this, you know you can, piece of cake!' James assured her, smiling confidently. Lily nodded, 'Sure….piece of cake' she echoed, trying not to shake with nerves.

Lily took a deep breath and then raised her wand. She pointed it towards the centre of the circle she had formed with the other two. She focused her mind and a few moments later a white light seemed to flow from the tip of her wand, faintly at first and then brighter. It illuminated the room and James covered Harry's eyes against the light. Lily spoke when the light was at its brightest. 'OK, now you two have to join the tips of your wands with mine'. James held Harry in one arm, and with the other he reached for his wand. Pettigrew did the same and then they both reached out and touched the tip of Lily's wand. When the wands were joined, Lily raised hers above her head, taking the other two along with her. The light from Lily's wand became even brighter for a moment, before it seemed to form a shape. Lily began to shake a little as she struggled to concentrate on what she was doing and on holding her wand above her head.

The light from the wand formed a thread, which moved of its own accord. The thread of light shifted above the circle before it went outside the three adults. It moved slowly, forming a ring around the group, seeming to drag them closer together. They were now so close their noses would've touched if Pettigrew had been taller. The thread of light seemed to wrap around the three adults and Harry, where it glowed vividly, the colour changing from white to blue. As the light glowed, a ray seemed to separate and touch Peter Pettigrew's lips.

A few moments later the light began to fade and Lily dropped her wand. 'That's it, we've done it, we're bound by the charm and the secret is concealed, now only our Secret Keeper can reveal where we are' she sighed, wobbling slightly on her feet from the effort she had made to carry out the charm. She suddenly swayed dramatically and James tried to grab her while Harry was in his arms, but Sirius, who had been stood out of the way, moved quickly and caught her before she could fall. 'That's right, you've done it Lils. Now you need to sit down for a bit….that was amazing, absolutely bloody amazing!' he cried in admiration as he helped a worn out Lily to a chair.

'I'm OK…I'll be fine…in just a minute' Lily said, as James moved and came and sat down beside her, handing Harry to Sirius and slipping an arm protectively around his wife. 'You were brilliant love, absolutely brilliant' James sighed as he hugged Lily closer. Lily was pale and leaned on James for support. The effort she had made had exhausted her.

When Lily had recovered Sirius and Pettigrew rose. James stood as his friends were about to leave. He looked at Pettigrew and smiled. 'Thanks for this Wormtail, it's great of you to do this for us, we know you won't let us down.' Pettigrew smiled and squeaked an eager response. 'No, I promise, I won't let you down, you're my friends. I wouldn't let you down, not for anything'. Sirius rested a hand on Pettigrew's shoulder. 'You go on ahead Wormtail. I want a quick word with Prongs and Lily and then I'll come and make sure you've got to your hideout OK'. Pettigrew nodded and then with one last smile at James and Lily he was gone.

Sirius indicated towards the door and James followed him out, passing Harry to Lily who now looked much better. Sirius ruffled Harry's hair and squeezed Lily's hand affectionately as he left the room. When the men were at the door Sirius beamed at his best friend. 'You know, when we were at school I sometimes wondered about Lily, what you saw in her and all that….but now….well that was just amazing. You went and married a marvel mate, a real marvel!' James grinned proudly. 'I know I did! She's fantastic isn't she?' Then Sirius's eyes became soft. 'I just wish I could've done something….I wish I'd been able to be your Secret Keeper…but I just couldn't'. James sighed heavily. 'Look, I've told you, stop worrying about that! You had your reasons, and Lily and I understand. Look, I know what I said earlier, but I know now, we've done the right thing. Wormtail will be OK, and he won't let us down. We'll be fine, so stop worrying'.

Sirius moved closer to the door but turned back to look at James seriously. 'Just remember, if you need anything, you've got the mirror. Just yell and I'll be here. I'll come round and check on you every day, but don't worry if you need anything in between times. I'll be here, any time, day or night'. James and Sirius patted each other on the back reassuringly and then Sirius was gone.

James and Lily spent the rest of the day adjusting to being back in their own home. They cleaned the layer of dust that seemed to cover everything and they polished and scrubbed until the house was spotless. James asked more than once why they were doing the work without magic, but as he did, Lily became strangely light-headed again. When James took her into his arms to see if she was all right, she grinned at him wickedly saying, 'I'm fine Potter, now get back to work!' James glared before resuming his work and pulling faces at Harry who was sitting in the corner of the sofa, leaning against the one arm, and being supported by a couple of cushions. 'Your Mum's a slave driver son, a slave driver' James whispered to Harry conspiratorially. The baby chuckled happily at his father and put a fist in his mouth.

By the time the house was clean again and James and Lily had eaten and the baby had been fed, it was becoming dark. Harry had dozed off on the sofa and was sleeping peacefully. 'I think someone needs to go to bed' Lily sighed, gently picking up Harry so as not to disturb him. 'It's late, the poor little mite must be exhausted' she said gently. James yawned and then grinned, 'I am, but it's worth it for you love'. Lily rolled her eyes, 'James, I meant the baby! You are not, and have never been a poor little mite!' 'Let's get him to bed then, I want to talk to you before we go up.' James was suddenly solemn. Lily looked at him suspiciously, but she decided not to push until Harry was settled. They both took the baby to his nursery and got him ready for bed.

James looked around the room he had painted well over a year before. He looked at the painting he had done, the blue walls with stars individually painted on the ceiling, charmed so that they twinkled at night. James smiled as he looked closer and found some of the stars were actually golden snitches he had worked into the design without Lily realising. From the ceiling above Harry's cot hung a mobile which spun gently by magic. The mobile contained little figures of Quidditch players on brooms and it had been the very first gift James had given his son. 'Do you remember when we did this room before we had him?' he whispered softly. Lily smiled tenderly as she carried on tucking her sleeping son into his cot. 'I remember you complaining at having to paint it the Muggle way'. James looked at the blue walls in front of him and grinned. 'Well I was right, it would have been quicker to do it magically…..but I didn't moan half as much as Padfoot when we put the furniture in!' Lily laughed quietly. 'Actually I almost felt sorry for you and Sirius that day. I was a pain, making you move stuff over and over…it's just as well you both love Harry and _you_ are crazy about me'. The last part of her sentence came out so softly Lily thought James might not have heard it, so she was taken aback when he turned and clasped her in his arms. 'Yes Mrs Potter, I _am_ crazy about you, and don't you ever forget it!' Lily held James close and placed her hand in the hair at the nape of his neck. 'I love you too James, so much' she sighed. They left the nursery, James waving his wand to create a gentle nightlight in the room to comfort Harry if he woke in the night.

James and Lily went back downstairs and sat in the living room by the fire. They both flopped down on the rug in front of the fire, enjoying its light and warmth. James suddenly clasped Lily's hands in his and gazed into her eyes. 'Lily, I need to talk to you' he said quietly. Lily felt anxious all of a sudden, for a reason she couldn't understand. 'What is it James, is there something wrong?' she asked, trying not to panic. James gripped her hands in his, and moved so he was sitting directly in front of her. They sat sideways to the fire. 'No love, there's nothing wrong. I just need to talk to you about something…something important'. Lily nodded and indicated for him to go on.

James swallowed, he had thought this over in his mind, and now he knew it had to be said. But he wished he knew how Lily would react. He cleared his throat and then began. 'Lily….love, I need you to promise me something'. Lily's eyes met her husband's and she gripped his hands tighter. 'What, what is it?' she asked anxiously. James swallowed hard again. 'Lily I want you to promise me….' he hesitated just for a second. Lily's eyes widened fearfully. 'James, whatever it is, just say it, please!' she implored. James took a deep breath and steadied himself. 'Lily I want you to promise me that if Voldemort comes, if he ever finds us, you'll take Harry and go. I want you to promise that whatever happens, you won't hang around for me. Promise you'll take Harry and get out. You can go to Sirius and from there he'll take you to Dumble'…'

James voice was cut off as Lily yanked her hands from his and clamped them over her mouth, her eyes wide with shock. Then he shuddered as she found her voice. 'You said we'd be safe James! Why are you saying this to me now? You said we'll be fine, you promised me!' Lily was nearly in tears. James sighed deeply. 'We _will_ be safe Lily, we will be fine' he spoke reasonably, trying to calm her. 'I'm just saying this so we both know what we're doing if the worst happens'. Then he stared intently into Lily's eyes. 'I mean it Lily, if it happens, I don't want you to worry about me, I want you to take Harry and get out'.

Lily stared at James as his words sank in. Then a wave of horror hit her as she realised what he meant. He was asking her to take their son to safety while he fought Voldemort and probably died, all alone. She shook her head defiantly. 'No! Absolutely definitely no!' she cried, hardly able to contain herself. 'No, I'll never leave you to that! You can't ask me to do that James! I won't let you ask me to leave you alone to deal with Voldemort! I won't let you die by yourself James, so don't ever ask me to do that again!' Lily's voice was rising almost hysterically. Tears started to flow from her eyes. 'I promised you once James, I would never leave you, remember? When we argued over Remus, you made me promise I'd never leave you, or find someone else, and I promised, because I love you and I'd never leave! Now you're telling me that if Voldemort comes I've got to go! I've got to leave you to die, to be killed by that monster! No chance, never ever in a million years, I won't James, not ever!' Lily glared at him madly, looking furious, her eyes glowing with pain and fear.

James Potter closed his eyes. He shivered as Lily's feelings washed over him. He had expected this to be hard, but it was even worse than he imagined. Nothing could have prepared him for Lily's anger or the pained look in her eyes. He took another steadying breath and started again. 'Lily, please, just listen, just try to understand what I…' He was interrupted by Lily again. 'I said no James! I mean it! No, you can't make me do it, so I won't, not now, not ever!' Her tears were falling down her face like rain.

James hated having to hurt Lily like this, but he knew he had no choice if he was to keep her and their son safe. He reached out and placed his hands on her cheeks tenderly. He looked into her eyes, the beautiful, expressive green eyes he loved so much. Lily stopped yelling and stared at him, while her tears continued to fall. James sighed deeply. 'Lily I'm sorry. I swear, I never meant to hurt you like this, but you have to try to understand. If Voldemort comes…' Lily went to speak again, but James silenced her with a look. '_If_ Voldemort comes, he'll be after Harry, not us really. Harry will need you to get him out, to take care of him. He's a baby Lily. We have to put him first. I'll stay back and deal with Voldemort and then I promise I'll be right behind you. We can meet up at Sirius's place and then we'll go to Hogwarts. Dumbledore will help us'.

Lily continued to study her husband's features. She could see the worry in his hazel eyes, but her fear was overwhelming. 'But what if you don't get out?' She never took her eyes off James as she spoke. Lily's heart was racing so fast she felt sick. 'Look, if anything happens to me, you know you'll be fine, there's plenty of money in our vault. Dumbledore and Sirius will help you with Harry and things. You'll have everything you need, I've made certain of that'. James tried to sound confident and controlled. He wanted to show her he had thought of everything.

Now Lily became really angry. 'How dare you talk as if you've decided this and that's it, you make it sound like some hair-brained prank you've plotted with Sirius! How dare you tell me I'll be fine because I'll have money, I don't want money James, I want _you_! How dare you sit there and tell me Sirius and Dumbledore will help me with Harry! It's _your_ place to help me with Harry, _yours_!' Lily felt her panic rising out of control. 'I won't let you die and leave me James, I won't!' She glared at James wildly.

Suddenly Lily felt James let go of her cheeks that he'd held between his hands all this time. He pulled her into his arms and held her. Lily could feel his heart racing as much as her own. 'Lily, you know I'd never hurt you like this deliberately, you know I love you! Just think about it from my point of view! Lily you can't expect me to be able to fight Voldemort if I'm worried about you! You know I'd never be able to do it. I'll concentrate better if I know you and the baby are safe. If you go you'll be helping me Lily, not leaving me!' James voice rose urgently. 'Besides, if I died, you know you'd live without me, you know you'd be strong enough to focus on Harry and get on with your life….'

Lily shook her head against him as he held her. She clung to him fiercely, pleading with him. 'No, I wouldn't! James, _please_! I couldn't live without you, _please_!' she begged. James held her closer. 'Lily you'd live! You know you'd live, because you'd have Harry to think of. I know if I lost you, I'd give up, I'd want to die, but you….Lily _you_ would concentrate on Harry. You're stronger than me, you always have been. You'd focus on Harry and you'd live!'

Lily pulled out of James's arms and saw the earnest look on his face. She could see how sure he was of her. She could see he believed in her ability to look after their son, alone, if need be. She knew now that he trusted her to do as he asked, to put Harry first and keep him safe, whatever that involved. Lily knew now what she had to do. She clasped James's hands tightly, trying to hold back the waves of panic she felt. 'All right….if it happens, I promise…I'll take Harry and go. But it won't happen. We'll be fine, won't we?' she faced him expectantly. James heaved a sigh of relief. 'Of course we'll be fine, but now I know you and Harry will be OK, it'll be easier for me. I love you Lily' and he pulled her back into his arms, holding her as tightly as he could and quietly wished he could keep her there forever.


	6. Motorbikes and Memories

**CHAPTER SIX: MOTORBIKES AND MEMORIES**

James and Lily went to bed and hardly slept. Lily kept waking all night, making sure James was still beside her. James held her close all night, but Lily couldn't shift the cold feeling that seemed to be pervading her entire body. James had effectively said he would sacrifice his life for her and Harry and she could hardly bear it.

Lily realised what he had said was true. If Voldemort turned up at the cottage, he would be after Harry, and they would have to do everything they could to protect him. But the thought of leaving James alone to fight frightened Lily beyond anything she had ever known. The thought of living in a world without James in it terrified her. She realised she could be practical and fiercely independent at times, preferring to do things herself rather than ask for help, even from James, but she had come to realise since they became a couple, then married and had Harry, she needed James like she had never needed anyone else before.

Memories of the early days of her relationship with James flooded her mind. She remembered how they had fought at school, or rather, _she_ had fought with him. She thought of how he had pestered her and followed her around, constantly asking her out and making a nuisance of himself; showing off and pranking people with the other Marauders. She remembered their 7th year when they were Head Boy and Girl and she yelled at him one day for a simple mistake he'd made in Potions. He yelled back and admitted he loved her. Lily had been stunned. She firmly believed that all his following and pestering and elaborate declarations of his feelings was just his idea of fun, it had never occurred to her that he could mean it. The truth of the matter knocked Lily sideways, and made her realise she had feelings for him too. However, James followed this by going on patrol with her that night and telling her he would be leaving her alone in future.

Within weeks, James's parents were murdered and he suffered terribly. After a few weeks, Sirius begged Lily to go and see his best friend, who was lying in the hospital wing, refusing to eat or sleep and hardly saying a word to anyone. Lily plucked up the courage to go. From then on, Lily and James became friends, and then much more. They married a year after leaving school and then Harry was born within another year.

Lily watched James sleep and realised that somewhere along the line, at some point in their relationship, she had grown dependent on him. He could still be arrogant at times, a trait from his youth, but he could also be incredibly kind. He would do anything for her or for Harry, and never question it. He was loyal and fiercely protective of anyone he cared about. Lily remembered the times when they had confronted Voldemort already and James had stepped in front of her, taking as much punishment as Voldemort could give. He had taken the Cruciatus Curse more than once, refusing to back down, for fear that if he did, Lily would be hurt. He was equally protective of Harry when he was born.

Lily felt the tears come into the back of her throat as she remembered one of the many times James jumped in to make sure she was safe, before Harry was born. James was surrounded by Deatheaters and then Voldemort appeared, demanding they turn over to the Dark. James refused, and then the torture had begun. Lily could still see James being tormented with pain, a pain, he said later, worse than anything he had ever felt before. His body tightened and curled in the agony of it, but he refused to scream. He defiantly kept his mouth tightly closed, only the occasional moan indicating his agony. Voldemort only backed down when James collapsed, gasping for air. When he found the strength to speak, he uttered one word 'LILY!' and then he fainted. Voldemort cast Lily a scathing look before laughing viciously and running away, leaving a heavily pregnant Lily to get James to safety.

Lily managed to get James to St Mungo's and they said that it was a miracle he was still alive, he had been repeatedly attacked by the Cruciatus Curse for over an hour, most people would've either gone mad, or died as a result. Later, Lily wept in his arms. James held her close and wiped away her tears. 'Don't cry, I'm all right' he soothed. 'Don't cry love, we'll be all right. I won't let anything happen to us, I'd die for you Lily. I'd die to keep you safe'. At the time his words were a comfort to Lily, they made her feel loved and protected, but now they frightened her. She never thought for one minute that when James promised he'd die for her, he would ever really be prepared to do it, or have reason to.

Back in the present, James stirred and opened his eyes. He looked at Lily as she sat watching him. 'Did you manage to get any sleep love?' he asked; a concerned expression in his hazel eyes. Lily nodded and smiled softly to reassure him. 'A bit, yes, don't worry about me, I'll be fine'. James sighed sadly. 'You know I didn't mean to upset you last night, don't you?' Lily nodded, 'I know, but how could I not be upset? You were asking me to let you….'

Lily's voice broke off at a sudden sound from outside, a roar that startled them both. Without even thinking about it, James leapt out of bed, grabbing his glasses and putting them on before going to the bedroom window and dragging a curtain open.

James Potter looked out of the bedroom window, his heart thumping. 'Pass me my wand love' he asked, reaching out. Lily passed it to him with trembling hands. She stood now, in a dressing gown and came behind James as he stood in his boxer shorts, staring out of the window. Suddenly he started to laugh loudly, his laughter clearly audible against the roaring sound outside. 'Bloody hell, what has he done, the idiot! We leave him alone and he does this, he's barking mad, completely barking mad!' Then he stood away from the window and grinned, 'Lily you have to see this! Our best friend has finally gone mental!' Lily shook her head, 'What's Sirius done now?' she asked, raising a quizzical eyebrow. James just laughed and pointed outside.

Lily looked out of the bedroom window and gasped. Outside, flying around on the thing that was roaring was Sirius Black! Lily had seen flying on brooms before, and had done it often enough now with James. She hated flying alone, but James was an expert flyer, and he loved it. But what Sirius was flying on was definitely not a broom. She focused her eyes and could see it was a shiny black thing with two wheels. She gasped in amazement. 'My God, he's bought a bloody motorbike! He's got a flying motorbike!'

When Lily turned away from the window she could see James was dressed and grinning. Then he suddenly charged out of the room and down the stairs, Lily chasing after him. 'James, what are you doing, where are you going?' she demanded. James appeared to have gone deaf. He charged down the stairs and yanked the front door open. The roaring sound of the motorbike stopped abruptly as Sirius landed. James went over to him, Lily not far behind. She pulled her dressing gown around herself against the cool October air.

James reached his friend and laughed. 'What in the world have you done you madman!' Sirius laughed, the sound similar to a dog barking. 'Do you like it?' he grinned, casting Lily an innocent look as she frowned. She had a feeling she knew what was coming. Sirius beamed, continuing to talk to James. 'Well, I saw it in a Muggle shop and I've been tinkering with it a bit. It flies brilliantly mate, fancy a ride?'

James appeared to wobble on his feet for a second. Lily rolled her eyes sardonically as her husband's eyes misted over. He stared, exchanging a look with Sirius, who continued to grin, and then cast a longing look at the flying motorbike. Lily rolled her eyes again when she realised he was actually drooling with excitement. Then James looked more solemn. He smiled gently at Sirius, though the longing look was still in his eyes. 'No, it's a great thought, but I'd better not. We ought to get back in the house to Harry, all this racket will have woken him up'. He turned to Lily and smiled sadly. 'Come on, let's all get in. We'll get Harry up and have some breakfast'. Lily rolled her eyes yet again, 'James, do you want a ride on Sirius's…_motorbike_?' James stared at her inanely for a moment. 'You mean….you….you'd let me….?' He could hardly get his words out. Lily groaned, 'Oh for goodness sake! Just get on the bloody thing and go! You know you want to, so just go!'

James grinned madly and pulled Lily into his arms. 'Thanks love, you're fantastic!' he cried. He climbed on the back of the motorbike quickly before Lily could change her mind. Lily warned Sirius with a look. 'Just be careful Black, I'm warning you! You crash that thing and get him hurt, I'll hex you to hell and back!' Sirius winced, he knew Lily meant it. 'Don't worry Lils. I'll watch out for him, just relax!' he said casually. Before Lily could say any more the roaring sound was coming from the bike again and the two men were in the air, James yelling in excitement.

'They're more immature than the baby' Lily smiled to herself, and then she turned to go back inside the house to get Harry up.

When James and Sirius came back from their flight, James could hardly contain his excitement. He spent the rest of the day telling Lily how fantastic the motorbike was and how great it felt to be flying again, even if it hadn't been on a broom. 'Just as long as you don't decide you want one of those horrible things, the Muggle motorbikes are lethal enough, but a flying one…..my nerves couldn't stand it, so don't you get any ideas!' Lily glared. She had been worried all the time James was out. She tried to reason with herself, she knew the charm was in place and even if they had been seen, it would still need Peter Pettigrew to break his promise not to tell Voldemort where they were, but even so, Lily couldn't help the uneasiness she felt when James was out. She felt weak with relief when he arrived back, excited and grinning. James beamed, 'No, I enjoyed the ride, but I think I prefer my broom…maybe I should take that for a spin some time eh?' Lily frowned, 'Well if you do, you be careful, I couldn't stand it if…..' and then her voice broke and she burst into tears.

James moved immediately and clasped Lily in his arms. 'Hey, now come on, what's all this for?' he asked softly. 'If you don't want me to fly again for a bit, I won't, so what are all these tears about?' He pulled Lily away a little and gazed lovingly into her eyes as he wiped her tears away. 'God love, you don't have to cry like this just because I went on a flying motorbike, honestly you'd think I'd just been entered into the Trizwizard Tournament or something!' He pulled a face and Lily laughed quietly, tears still in her eyes. 'It….it wasn't just that. I'm just scared James, scared of something happening to you, or to Harry. James if I lost you I….' Lily's face crumpled again, her eyes filling with emotion.

James quickly pulled Lily back into his arms. 'Look, when we spoke last night, I was just trying to make sure we have a plan, just in case the worst happens. But it won't Lily, you won't lose me'. Then he flashed her a dazzling smile, 'It'd take more than a flying motorbike or Voldemort to finish me! I mean, come on woman, I'm a Potter!'

Harry was propped up in the corner of the sofa while Lily and James held each other. As his father finished speaking, the baby suddenly opened his mouth and blew a loud raspberry. Lily turned her face towards him and burst out laughing. 'I think our son has just voiced his opinion on your Mr. Invincible Potter theory!' she laughed. James shook his head resignedly and moved and picked up Harry, who chuckled at the attention he was receiving. 'It's great to know my family has such great faith in me' James sighed ironically, before grinning again and pulling his laughing wife back into his arms.

That evening Lily and James were curled up by the fire in the living room. James had settled Harry in the nursery and the two were now on the rug by the fire, enjoying the peace and quiet. James suddenly broke out into a wide smile. 'Thanks for letting me go out with Sirius on the bike today' gratitude shone from his eyes. Lily shook her head. 'That's OK, I was worried when you were out, but I know the charm's in place, and we'll be fine. The thing is we have to accept that if we don't do normal things now we're home, there was no point to us coming back. We might as well still be stuck in that vile flat if we're still going to act as if we're on the run, mightn't we?' James nodded happily. 'Yes, it's just a case of not taking any stupid risks, that's all'.

Lily suddenly stared into the fire. Her face took on a dreamy expression. 'Go on then, what are you thinking about?' James asked inquisitively. He knew Lily when she looked like this. Lily sighed reminiscently. Oh, it's nothing really. I was just remembering today how we first got together. Do you remember that night at Hogwarts when you took me flying?' Now it was James's turn to look dreamy. He smiled nostalgically at the memory. 'Of course I remember! How could I ever forget! I couldn't believe it when you said you'd go with me. I tell you Lily, I was scared half to death that night!' Lily's eyes widened in surprise, 'You, scared to death of flying? You have to be joking!' She eyed James incredulously, she knew he loved flying. James shrugged, 'OK, not so much scared of flying, but scared of flying with you! God Lily, you have no idea, there was me, and let's face it, you'd turned me down loads of times when I asked you out before, and then you suddenly said you'd go flying with me. I was scared I'd get nervous and crash the broom, and you'd think I'd done it deliberately just to scare you, and we would've been arguing again'.

Lily's eyes shone brightly. She had never known their first flight together had been such an ordeal for her husband. She smiled at him fondly. 'We wouldn't have ended up arguing James…..by that time you could've pushed me off the Astronomy Tower and I would've thanked you for it'. James stared at Lily disbelievingly. Lily just nodded again, 'It's absolutely true….I told you, I'd….' she felt shy for a moment, before she went on, 'I'd been in love with you for ages before we ever went flying…in fact, I wanted you to kiss me that night, but you went and insisted we go back inside the castle!' James jaw dropped open. 'You wanted me to kiss you that night, really?' Lily nodded and James groaned heatedly, 'Damn! I could've been all romantic and kissed you under the stars, what a total prat!' Lily giggled, 'Well, I won't argue with that, but you made up for it, eventually!' James looked suddenly wicked. 'Actually I think you'll find you kissed _me_ first, and I believe you told me I'm amazing…am I still amazing Lily? Am I!' and he nudged her playfully. Lily blushed softly at her memories. 'Well, I needed to push you along didn't I? You'd gone into your _'we're just good friends'_ mode, and I wanted….a bit more than that….I thought you'd gone off me or something'.

James was suddenly serious. 'I never went off you Lily; I would never have gone off you. I just didn't want you to think I was using you, pushing myself forward to take advantage of you, I mean, you were absolutely brilliant after Mum and Dad died, when you came to see me and everything'. Lily felt suddenly sad, 'James, I didn't really mean to make you rake over all that again, I'm….' James shook his head and smiled tenderly, 'No, it's all right, really. Oh, I still miss them, I always will, but somehow, they don't seem quite so far away any more. I just wish they'd had the chance to meet you and see Harry. My Mum would've loved him to death'.

Lily blinked back the tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she thought of her own parents. 'I know; my Mum and Dad would've spoiled him rotten! I wish they'd seen him, but at least they got a chance to see us married. They really liked you James, they knew you'd be good for me'. James took Lily's hand in his, 'I still can't believe how well you coped when your Mum and Dad were killed. I still can't understand how that sister of yours could've laid them to rest and not told you….I don't think I'll ever forgive her for that, it was cruel'.

Lily clasped James's hands tightly. She knew how angry James became when he thought of her sister, Petunia. Lily's sister hated James on sight. In fact, Lily firmly believed Petunia hated her too, she had spent Lily's entire Hogwarts education calling Lily a freak, and refusing to understand Lily was a witch. Then Petunia met and married Vernon Dursley, a vile fat man who was equally as hateful.

Lily's parents were close to both of their daughters, and were proud of all Lily's achievements both at school and after. Lily smiled reminiscently when she remembered how they had taken to James when Lily took him to meet them. Petunia and Vernon were another case entirely. They spent the entire time being rude. Lily wondered often how James had resisted the temptation to hex them. Then, soon after James and Lily were married, Lily's parents were killed. They died in a car crash, and Petunia didn't bother to tell Lily until after their funerals. She wrote to Lily telling her what happened, and then informing her, in no uncertain terms, that as far as she was concerned, she no longer had a sister. As far as Petunia Dursley was concerned, her sister was dead. James ranted and raved, threatening to go and hex Petunia and her vile husband, but Lily wouldn't let him. She decided that as much as it hurt, she could live without Petunia. She knew she had James, and he would never let her down.

Lily was still holding James's hand in hers. She suddenly grinned widely. James raised his eyebrows quizzically. Lily giggled. 'Oh, I've just had a thought, a lovely, delicious, evil thought!' James grinned, 'What on earth are you on about?' he was confused. Lily laughed devilishly. 'Well, you know I tried to contact Petunia after she sent that letter?' James nodded uncertainly, 'Yes, but I still…' Lily laughed at his bewildered expression. 'Well, she wrote to me again….I didn't tell you because I knew you'd get annoyed', she apologised with her eyes, but James just dismissed it with a shrug, he couldn't wait to find out what Lily was finding so funny.

Lily went on, her eyes shining with mirth. 'She told me in her letter that she tells people I'm either dead, or married to a penniless unemployed layabout…I mean, _you_ penniless, it's priceless!' Lily wiped tears of laughter away from her eyes. James laughed out loud, and hugged Lily, 'Oh that's just perfect! Maybe we should write and tell her about our Gringott's vault….we could let her know what it would be in Muggle money, she'd have a fit….honestly, penniless, the stupid cow!' Lily laughed, 'Don't you do any such thing! If she knew I married a man of means she'd be here before you could say Expecto Patronum, and I'm not having it, no chance!' James chuckled at the resolute expression on Lily's face. 'No, OK, besides, leaving the cow in the dark is just perfect, exactly what the Dursleys deserve, it's just perfect!'

James and Lily laughed together again before exchanging a tender kiss and going to bed.


	7. The Werewolf Calls

**CHAPTER SEVEN: THE WEREWOLF CALLS**

By the time James and Lily had been home for three days they were beginning to feel relaxed. Nothing had given them cause for concern. They were beginning to feel really safe and secure somewhere for the first time for months.

The evenings Lily spent with James, talking and laughing together made her feel normal again. So much of their short married life together had been taken up by Voldemort, in one way or another. She revelled in the chance to be with James and Harry now, spending time together and being a proper family.

Once Lily felt she had come to terms with what James expected her to do if Voldemort turned up, she felt able to forget about it. When she was alone with James and Harry she felt certain she would never have to live up to the promise. She was beginning to feel as if nothing could touch any of them now. They had lived through the worst of things, and now life was better, and it would stay that way. Any uncertain feelings she still nursed about Peter Pettigrew were dismissed. Lily convinced herself she was wrong to distrust him, in fact, she felt almost guilty for ever suspecting he was anything less than trustworthy.

On the third afternoon after the Potters came back to the cottage, Sirius arrived for his daily visit, and he brought someone else with him. Lily felt a twinge of apprehension when Remus Lupin walked through her front door, looking somewhat edgy. Lily shuddered uncomfortably as she remembered the last time Remus Lupin had been to the cottage before the family went on the run. James had virtually ignored him and created an atmosphere that could've been cut with a knife. She hoped now that James would keep a lid on his temper, bite his tongue and restore the friendship he once had with this former school friend.

James was in the living room with Harry. When Lily came back into the room from answering the door, followed by Sirius and Remus, she found her husband on his knees on the rug, holding Harry by the hands in front of himself. Harry was standing on wobbly legs and looking a little unsure of this new position. James had a look of rapt concentration on his face. 'OK son, this is it, first one foot and then the other' he said, coaxing Harry by shuffling himself away a little, trying to encourage the child to step towards him. Lily held her breath and watched the scene intently as James carefully loosed his hold on the baby, leaving him standing by himself. Neither Sirius nor Remus moved or said a word.

James continued to focus his attention on Harry, not even noticing the others in the room. 'Come on son, come to Daddy, come on, come and see Dad Harry' he cajoled. He stared into Harry's eyes before glancing down at the baby's tiny feet. After an instant of looking at his father uncertainly Harry seemed to gasp and then he took a step. James's face lit up in pure joy. 'That's it! That's my clever boy! Now, come on, the other foot, come on Harry, move the other foot for Daddy!' James stayed where he was, and encouraged the baby to take another step towards him. Harry raised the other leg slowly, wobbling slightly at the odd position he was in. James instinctively edged forward, reaching his hands out to Harry, who was wobbling unsteadily, one of his legs hovering in the air. 'Come on son, I'm here, I won't let you fall, take another step for Dad!' Harry looked at James uncertainly again before he placed the leg down beside the one already on the carpet. 'Yes!' cried James, looking fit to burst with excitement. He carried on coaxing Harry until the baby had taken half a dozen steps across the room. 'Oh you're such a clever boy, but it gets even better son, one day I'll teach you to fly! If you think walking is good, you wait until you've been on a broom, there's nothing like it….except cuddling up to Mum in bed perhaps, but I'll tell you about that when you're….'

'He'll tell you all about that over my dead body Harry!' cried Lily suddenly, she frowned but the corners of her mouth turned up in barely concealed amusement. She swallowed the lump in her throat that had formed while she was watching James with Harry. She smiled tenderly down on her son, who promptly dropped himself down onto his bottom with a thump and gave her a toothy grin. 'Yes darling, Mummy thinks you're clever too, walking with Daddy, but I don't think you need to know the facts of life just yet'.

James quickly looked up, taking Harry, who was now chuckling, into his arms. 'I was being complimentary Lily, I said cuddling you was better than flying!' he grinned sweetly.

The smile disappeared from James's lips when he realised they had visitors. He ignored Lupin at first and smiled widely at Sirius. 'We'll have him playing Quidditch before long! He's definitely a future Seeker.' He looked at Harry's small frame and smiled. Sirius laughed, 'Why Prongs, I do believe you're turning into a model father, about time too!' Sirius's eyes sparkled. He walked into the room and took Harry from his father. 'Come here Harry, come and say hi to Moony, he hasn't seen you for ages'.

James Potter's eyes were drawn to Remus Lupin. He watched the skinny young man who was the same age as him, but looked much older. Remus Lupin nodded uncertainly at James, before smiling kindly at Harry, who was holding on to Sirius, totally at ease in his Godfather's arms.

James felt his insides flinch when Remus smiled affectionately at Lily. She smiled back, before exchanging a warning look with James. Lupin cleared his throat nervously, looking at Harry again. 'He's so big! He's twice the size he was when I last saw him…he's definitely got your eyes Lily' he said. 'He's got my hair' James cut in, unable to keep quiet. Lily warned him again with a look, but was distracted as Sirius laughed loudly. 'Prongs, you can hardly say that Harry having your hair is anything to be proud of!' James glared at his friend, 'Well, he has, he takes after Lily with his eyes, but the rest of him is like me, especially his hair!' Lily smiled ironically, 'Well at least he's got black hair. I wouldn't want him teased when he goes to Hogwarts. If he'd inherited my hair colour he might've been tormented, having red hair isn't always good when you're young'. 'There's nothing wrong with your hair Lily' said James and Remus in unison.

Remus Lupin immediately looked like he wished the ground would open up and swallow him. Lily blushed, her face almost as red as her hair. James remembered he was supposed to be clearing the air with Remus. He had a feeling it wasn't going to be easy. He consciously made himself turn his attention away from Lupin, and, moving from his position of kneeling on the rug, he stood and spoke to Sirius. 'Is everything OK? How's Wormtail?' he asked.

Sirius glanced at Lupin before replying. Lily watched as James blinked once, and coughed. He appeared to tense a little. His shoulders hunched. She wondered what was going on. Sirius interrupted her thoughts. 'Oh, you know Wormtail, he's gone off somewhere, he's due for a long holiday apparently'. James blinked again, and his shoulders dropped. Lily could have sworn he relaxed. She realised James and Sirius were deliberately not giving away that Pettigrew was their Secret Keeper. Part of her felt irritated, she was sure Remus Lupin was trustworthy. However, part of her understood the reason for the secrecy. She felt unhappy about Remus being excluded from the secret, but if it kept Harry safe….

Remus Lupin shifted uneasily. Lily indicated a seat for him to sit down. He did so, Sirius beside him on the sofa, with Harry still in his arms. Lily sat down in an easy chair next to the fireplace. Remus cleared his throat and addressed James. 'So…Sirius tells me you used the Fidelius Charm, I'm sure I don't need to ask who your Secret Keeper is'. James eyes met Sirius's for a fraction of a second. 'Oh….er…that's right, no, I suppose it's obvious' he replied, as Sirius nodded almost imperceptibly. Lily realised what James and Sirius were doing, they were letting Remus think Sirius was the Secret Keeper, without telling an outright lie.

Remus spoke to Sirius now, looking puzzled. 'As the Secret Keeper, shouldn't you be in hiding or something?' Sirius nodded, 'Yes, I'll go after Halloween….you know I love Halloween' he said carefully. Remus seemed convinced, 'Yes, I remember….it's a pity we didn't celebrate it much at school, what with it being so close to the full moon'. Sirius nodded in agreement as Lily felt relieved, she felt a change of subject coming on.

'So, Remus, how are you?' Lily asked, hoping she sounded easygoing. She shifted in her seat so she couldn't meet James's eyes, and smiled kindly. Remus's eyes became bright, 'I'm well Lily, thanks to you'. Lily felt her stomach turn over; she knew she didn't dare make eye contact with her husband. Instead, she concentrated on Remus Lupin. 'I'm glad the Potion helps you, that's all the thanks I need….and to be honest, I had very little to do with it, it was Damocles Belby who did all the….'

Lily was interrupted by the sound of smothered laughter. She looked up to see Sirius Black, still holding Harry in one arm, while his other hand was over his mouth. He was shaking, he was laughing so hard. Lily met James's eyes and was astonished to see even he was smirking. Lily arched her brows, got up and took Harry from Sirius. 'Would one of you mind telling me what's so funny' she demanded of her husband and friend. Sirius tried to stop laughing, but burst out again when James's eyes shone and he muttered '_Damocles_!' under his breath. Lily rolled her eyes. 'Well, that's his name! Damocles Belby…'

Sirius positively guffawed with laughter; he straightened his face when Lily glowered at him. He had to wipe away tears from his eyes and catch his breath before he could speak 'Sorry Lils, it's just…well do you know anyone else called Damocles? That has to be the stupidest name I've ever heard!' His face cracked into a wicked grin again. In spite of herself, Lily could feel the corners of her mouth turning up. She suppressed it quickly. 'Honestly, grown men laughing at someone's name!' she said, shaking her head.

Remus Lupin smiled softly again, 'I know Dam'…..' he cast Sirius a sidelong glance, '…._that man_ invented the potion Lily, but _you_ found him, and I'm really very grateful' his eyes glowed with gratitude.

Lily found herself unable to look at James again, instead, she decided to take a step of her own towards clearing the air. 'It was really nothing. I told you before James and I married, I realised you were a werewolf when we were in the 6th year at school'. Remus nodded, 'Yes, and I've never thanked you for keeping quiet about it'. Lily shook her head, 'You don't need to thank me. I understood why you never told me, I knew how hard it must have been for you, and then, when James and I got together, I never even thought about it, until just before our wedding when he told me about being an Animagus.'

Lily deliberately looked at James, who was listening attentively. She went on, her voice steady, addressing Remus, but talking to James really. 'I admit I was scared when James told me he was an illegal Animagus. I was frightened he'd be sent to Azkaban and I'd be alone. So, I had two choices, I could either call off the wedding and be alone anyway, or I could see if something could be done to help you, if only a bit, so James could stop breaking the law. I couldn't call off the wedding. I wanted to marry James, more than anything, so I did some investigating and found Belby. He was at Hogwarts, in the year below us. He was brilliant in Potions, and he invented the Wolfsbane Potion less than six months after he left school, around the time James and I were married in fact. That was why I spent so much time with you Remus, I had to be sure that the Wolfsbane Potion was right for you, so James could stop breaking the law and be able to be with me'.

When Lily stopped speaking she glanced quickly at James. He looked astonished, and utterly ashamed of himself. Lily stood abruptly, propping Harry up on her hip. 'Come on Sirius, come and help me make some tea' she said. Sirius Black pulled a face, 'Aw Lils, I'm comfy here, I…' Lily glared, 'Now, Sirius!' she called over her shoulder. Sirius followed her out of the room and Lily closed the door, leaving James with Remus.

James watched Lily leave the room and then he sat down in the chair she had just left. He felt disgusted with himself. It had never occurred to him that Lily might have helped Remus Lupin for _him_. But then he remembered how he felt when the potion worked, and Remus arrived at the cottage one day, just a couple of months after James and Lily were married, and pulled Lily into a passionate kiss. He remembered he felt sick with anger when he arrived back from Auror training and found Remus with Lily in his arms. He remembered how he had argued with Lily over it, persuading himself she had feelings for Lupin and that her offering to help him with his problem was a cover for those feelings. He remembered how they'd made up one night after their argument, Harry being the eventual result. He remembered Lily promising him she'd never leave or want anyone but him. He remembered the promise he and Lily made not to talk about the incident again. They both wanted to move on and be happy and they were, he accepted that, but the distrust he felt towards Lupin had eaten away at their friendship, to the point where none of them had really moved forward.

James and Lily then found themselves caught up in the danger Voldemort presented, which took their minds from other concerns. James refusing to have Lupin as their Secret Keeper had stirred things up again. James realised now that Lily was right. This thing had to be confronted, even if it was painful. Lily telling Remus she had helped him for James made it easier, but clearing the air involved asking questions that James knew would be awkward. He wasn't looking forward to this discussion, not one bit.

Remus Lupin sat in silence in his seat, then he looked up uneasily and his eyes met James Potter's. 'Look, Prongs….._James_' he said tentatively. James looked back at him. Remus went on, trying hard to keep his voice even. 'I….I know, I made a dreadful mistake…'

James watched Remus struggling to find the right words. He stood and rested a hand on the mantelpiece, turning sideways to see Lupin looking more uncomfortable than ever. As he watched him, James anxiety suddenly began to fade. He realised that while he was still angry over what happened it didn't feel like a threat any more. He accepted Lily loved him, had helped Remus Lupin for _him_. Lily had explained why she helped Remus, and it changed everything.

Remus went on speaking, still uneasy. James had still not said a word since the two men were left alone. 'I….I made a terrible mistake, an _awful_ mistake, and it would be entirely my fault if you never spoke to me again, but please, I never meant to…' James turned away from the mantelpiece and faced Remus.

James opened his mouth, and Remus immediately became silent. James took a deep breath. 'OK, I'm going to ask you a question' he said quietly. Remus paled, 'A…oh, OK' he replied, more edgy than ever. James thought about what he wanted to say. Strangely, he felt calm, as if he was talking about the weather. 'Why did you kiss my wife?' he asked evenly. Remus's eyes became wild. 'I….' then he tried again, sighing deeply. 'I don't know…truly, I don't….it was just…well….Lily did so much for me, she found Belby, and worked so hard, and it's helped me so much. Lily supported me, and I was grateful…I overreacted'. James nodded, 'I see…but we, the Marauders and me, supported you at school, _we_ broke the law for you, and you never _overreacted _with us, did you?' Remus flinched, he didn't like the way this was going. 'Well no, but Lily is…..' James watched as Remus struggled to explain himself. 'Lily's a woman, is that what you're trying to say?' Remus nodded, suddenly unable to speak.

James Potter kept his eyes on Remus Lupin, all the time, thinking of Lily. He decided to ask the one question that had haunted him for so long. 'So, are you in love with her? Are you in love with my wife?' Remus's mouth flew open into a gape. 'What? Am I…what?' he asked, he had never felt more staggered in his life. James Potter didn't react, he just repeated the question. 'I asked you if you are in love with my wife, it's not a trick question, just a yes or no will do'.

Remus's heart started to hammer painfully. He was wide eyed and, he admitted to himself, terrified. He thought about James and the Marauders and how their friendship at Hogwarts and beyond had meant so much to him, how they had befriended him and supported him, even breaking the law for him.

Remus thought about Lily. He thought of how, even when she realised he was a werewolf, even before she was involved with James, she kept quiet, not even telling Remus she knew the truth. Remus didn't have to bother asking how she knew. Lily was an intelligent witch, and was more than capable of working things out for herself. Then, before their marriage, James told her about being an illegal Animagus. Remus understood the risk James was taking in doing that. Lily could easily have walked away, and refused to marry him, but she didn't. She stayed, married James and found the man who invented the Wolfsbane Potion, so Remus would find his transformations easier, and James could give up breaking the law.

Remus knew now that he _had_ become infatuated with Lily, he had developed a sort of late schoolboy crush on her. He got carried away when he realised the potion worked for him, and he kissed her and persuaded himself she helped him because she cared for him as more than a friend. But, he realised now, he had deluded himself. She helped him because she felt sorry for him, that was true enough, but he was her friend, nothing more. The reason Lily helped him was because she was desperate to be with the man she loved, the _only_ man she loved, James Potter.

Remus realised, as he sat and watched James stare at him, waiting for an answer, that there was no way he could ever intrude on James and Lily's relationship, even if he sometimes thought he wanted to. They had built a life together, had a child together, been to hell and back more than once together, and they loved each other more than anything. They were unbreakable. He thought of his friends, their loyalty and support, and knew he couldn't lose that, not for something that was never going to happen. So, he swallowed hard, and looked James in the eye. 'No, I swear, I love Lily as a friend, of course I do, she's been good to me, but I swear, I'm not _in love_ with her, and even if I was, it wouldn't make any difference. Lily is mad about you Prongs. At the end of the day, she helped me out because she loves you. If I was in love with her, I'd be wasting my time, Lily loves you'. James Potter eyed Lupin suspiciously. 'Are you sure, because if you're lying to me….' Remus Lupin held James Potter's gaze firmly. 'I'm sure, absolutely. I swear Prongs, Lily is a dear friend, she always will be, I'll be grateful to her until the day I die for what she's done, but she loves you Prongs, Lily loves you'.

James Potter suddenly felt as if a weight had been lifted from him. A weight, that if he was honest, scared him more than anything. Of all the things that he had been through with Lily, being on the run, being in terrible danger, facing death, the thing that scared him more than anything was the thought of losing her, and thereby, their son. He knew now that would never happen. Whatever lay in front of them, even if Voldemort came, he knew he could face it. Lily loved him.

James looked at Remus and smiled. Remus breathed a sigh of relief. James turned and went to the door of the living room. He opened it, and went through to the kitchen where he found Sirius, who was sat at the kitchen table, Harry on his lap, and laughing again over Damocles Belby's name. On seeing his friend, Sirius just stood quietly, and carried Harry back into the other room, closing the kitchen door as he went. Sirius didn't know what was going on, but he could tell just by looking at his closest friend that this was no time for him and Harry to be in the way. James and Lily needed a moment alone.

Lily stood making tea. On hearing James come into the kitchen she turned and faced him, an anxious expression on her face. 'Is everything OK? Did you speak to Remus? Are _we_ all right?' she asked, her voice sounding almost afraid. Wordlessly, James stepped closer to her and pulled her into his arms. He placed a finger under her chin and gently tilted her head, so he could see into her beautiful eyes. Then, ignoring the confused look on her face, he closed his eyes and kissed her on the lips.


	8. Harry

**CHAPTER EIGHT: HARRY**

Lily Potter woke up four days after returning home to her cottage and felt blissfully happy. She lay next to her husband, who was sleeping, a soft smile on his lips. Warmth crawled through Lily's veins as she thought about the previous day in the kitchen when James kissed her. She was thrilled that things were all right between James and Remus again, but relieved beyond belief that James finally understood that anything that had happened between her and Remus had been a terrible mistake on Remus's part and nothing to do with Lily having feelings for any man other than her husband.

When James had eventually released Lily from the kiss in the kitchen he told her he understood now that she had helped Remus so she could be with him and nothing else that happened mattered any more. He said as long as he had her, he could face anything. Then he kissed her again. As Lily stood, tightly held in her husband's arms, she thanked all the deities she could think of that everything was normal again, or at least as normal as their lives could be.

Now, a cry from the other room made Lily climb out of bed, being careful not to wake James, and go to the nursery. She found Harry, wide awake and watching the mobile above his cot. Lily leaned over and smiled at her son lovingly. 'Good morning my darling, are you ready to get up?' she cooed softly. Harry looked up at his mother, and grinned, his few teeth showing. He chuckled at the sight of his mother and held his arms out to her, 'Mama, up!' he cried. Lily smiled, 'Come on then, let's get you up' she said, picking the baby up and kissing his head softly. 'Let's go and start some breakfast, eh?' she said brightly.

Harry looked around the room and frowned. 'Daddaddaddad!' he cried, his eyes wide. Lily shook her head, 'No sweetheart, Daddy's still bye-byes, he'll be up later'. Harry glared, 'Daddaddaddaddad!' he cried, louder than before. Lily shook her head again, 'No Harry, Daddy's bye-byes, we'll go and make breakfast and then Daddy will be up' she said, trying to placate him. Harry's chin suddenly wobbled, his eyes filled, and he started to whimper. Lily pulled him close, 'Sweetheart, oh, come on, don't cry! Oh, what's all this then, eh?' Lily was at a loss to know what was wrong with Harry. 'Daddaddaddad!' The baby whimpered, tears springing into his eyes. 'Oh, my darling, don't cry!' Lily held then baby close and stroked his back tenderly, she decided that James would just have to wait for a lie-in. 'OK, let's go and see Daddy….his bye-byes can wait' she said softly.

Lily carried Harry through to her room and immediately saw James was still sleeping, as she knew he would be. 'OK Harry, Daddy can blame me, we're going to have to wake him up aren't we?' Harry chuckled when Lily grinned at him. 'Shall we wake Daddy Harry? OK, lets do it!' she cried, suddenly feeling the urge to do something childish. She grabbed a pillow on her own side of the bed, and, holding Harry in the other arm she smacked James over the head with it. It hit him with a resounding thud. 'Hey! Lily! What did I do?' came a voice, smothered by the pillow over his head. Lily smiled at Harry, his father was finally awake.

James Potter pushed the pillow away from his face. He looked up to see Lily, Harry in her arms, standing by the bedside, both of them grinning. James frowned at his wife. 'The next time you tell me I'm immature, I'm going to remind you what you just did to me woman!' Lily smiled angelically, 'Well we had to wake you somehow, Harry wants you, don't you darling?' and she put Harry down on the bed. Harry chuckled with glee and crawled to his father, yelling 'Dadadadada!' with every shuffle. James sat up and pulled Harry closer, the baby now sat in front of him, chuckling in delight. 'Oh, so it was you who woke me up, was it?' he addressed his son, beaming with pleasure. 'Dadadada!' cried Harry, grabbing his father's nose and pulling on it. James cringed in pain, 'Ow! Harry! Led Daddy's dose go! Led go of Daddy's dose!' James voice sounded like he had a cold as Harry tightened his hold on his father's nose. James wriggled his son's tiny fingers off his nose and rubbed it. His eyes were watering from Harry's tight grip. 'Blimey son! you hang on to the Golden Snitch like that and Gryffindor will win the cup for years!' he said, continuing to rub his nose, which was throbbing painfully.

Lily watched James trying to wrestle Harry off his nose and tried to smother her amusement, it really did look painful! But suddenly, she couldn't help herself and was laughing fit to burst. 'If you could've seen your face when he had your nose!' she laughed, 'It was such a picture, wish I'd had a camera!' James glared, while his eyes shone with laughter, 'Well, it hurt! He's got a tight little grip on him! I bet my nose is an inch longer than it used to be!' he said, breaking into a grin in spite of his best efforts not to. Lily just laughed louder.

James suddenly sniggered evilly, 'OK, Harry, this is war! Mummy's laughing at Daddy's poorly nose, let's get her eh?' The baby screamed in delight, he understood that whatever was about to happen, he was going to have fun! James laughed wickedly and grabbed a pillow. He held Harry in one arm, and got out of bed, holding the pillow in his free hand. Lily stopped laughing, 'Now James, don't be silly! You've got Harry in your arms, you might drop him!' she tried appealing to his paternal instincts. She could see exactly what James was about to do. James sneered, his eyes bright with childish joy. 'Too late my angel, I won't drop Harry, besides, _you_ did it too! Now he's helping me, aren't you son?' The baby joined in with a shriek of excitement. 'Choose your weapon Mummy, we're coming in!' James cried, as he smacked Lily with the pillow in his hand. Lily tried again, trying to charm him. 'James, now come on; stop it! I didn't mean to laugh, let me have a look at your poor hurt nose!' James grinned innocently and stepped closer, 'Mrs Potter, you're so easy to provoke, I….' but he didn't finish, as quick as a flash, Lily grabbed a pillow and pounded him with it.

Before long Lily and James were having a full on pillow fight, while Harry looked on, chuckling with pleasure as feathers started to float around the room. Lily and James were helpless with laughter, each taking a turn to hold Harry and whack the other with a pillow. After an hour or so, both James and Lily flopped down onto the bed, exhausted, Harry sitting between them. 'We'll make it…. a water fight…. next time son', gasped James, trying to get his breath back. Lily laughed softly, 'Yes, and I'll win that as well!' James looked up at her indignantly, 'What do you mean, _as well_?' Lily smirked at the look on his face, 'James, I clearly won the pillow fight…' she spat a feather out of her mouth as she spoke, causing both James and Harry similar levels of juvenile pleasure, '…and I'll easily win a water fight!' James sniggered. 'Oh _you_ won, did you? Well, we'll see about that!' and he grabbed the remnants of a pillow and stood, picking up Harry again…before he laughed loudly and flopped back down on the bed. 'We'll defer our rematch Harry, we'll catch Mummy unawares' James said to his son, in a conspiratorial tone. Lily raised her eyebrows, her eyes shining as she turned her attention to Harry, 'What Daddy means, my darling, is that he's too tired to fight Mummy now, he knows she'll win!'

The baby looked up at his mother and grinned adoringly, showing all his baby teeth. James groaned, 'Harry you little turncoat!' Lily pulled the baby to her and ruffled his hair, 'No, he just loves his Mummy, don't you sweetheart?' James met Lily's eyes suddenly, 'So does Daddy son, so does Daddy' he said quietly. Lily smiled and leaned over, closer to him, holding the baby out of her way. 'Now _that's_ unfair Potter, using distraction is against the rules of pillow fights'. James sighed, 'Ah, but you know you love it really'. Lily moved closer. 'You might just be right about that, I concede defeat', and she kissed him.

Lily and James spent all morning lavishing attention on their baby son, who responded to it joyously. After the early morning pillow fight, the family had breakfast, and then Lily decided to show Harry the pleasures of potato printing. Lily had fond memories of her own mother doing this with her as a child, and she wanted to share it with Harry. James found her idea hilariously funny, 'But love, you can't print potatoes, you _eat_ potatoes!' he laughed. Lily stared at him in bewilderment, before the realisation dawned that Wizarding children were probably not shown how to do such things. She giggled and rolled her eyes, 'No, you don't print the potatoes, you print _with _the potatoes!' she cried. James just looked confused at that, so Lily smiled and said, 'Never mind, just watch and learn!'

Lily found a set of paints Sirius had bought Harry ages ago. He had flatly refused to grasp that as Harry was just a few weeks old at the time he was far too young for such a toy. Then she found a few raw potatoes which she cut in half, and then she set about shaping the white of the potatoes into a shape, cutting out bits, with a knife to form a hollow shape inside each one. By the time it was done she had a rough crescent moon shape, a star, and various odd looking animals. James hooted with laughter at one shape which Lily insisted was a dog. 'Well you do it if you're so clever!' Lily cried, trying to sound annoyed. James grinned and took out his wand and within seconds he had transfigured Lily's odd shaped cut out into another potato half with a perfect cut out of a dog on it. Lily glared, 'Oh you think you're so clever!' she sneered, as James sat, looking distinctly smug. 'Well I'd have done the others if you'd asked!' he laughed, a self satisfied grin on his face 'Well at least I know how to potato print!' Lily glared, her eyes shining with suppressed laughter. James just pulled a face and laughed again.

Lily sat with a clearly intrigued Harry on her knee at the kitchen table, an equally intrigued James beside her. Over the course of the next hour or so she showed Harry (and James) how to dip the potato images into the paint and then press them on the paper. By the time they were finished, Lily wasn't too sure who was covered in more paint, Harry, her, or James. The kitchen looked like an explosion in a paint factory. A game that was supposed to be relaxed and peaceful had become chaotic as James and Harry approached the task with the same level of childish glee.

Towards the end of the morning Sirius arrived. He looked at the mess in the kitchen. Paint was everywhere, on the table, on the chairs, on the walls, on the floor, but most of all, all over Harry, Lily and James. 'What's been happening here? Have you decided to change your décor or something?' he asked, grinning sarcastically. James shook his head, 'No, we've been potato printing with Harry!' he stated, as he tried to rub some blue paint off his forehead. Sirius looked puzzled, 'You don't print potatoes, you eat…' James interrupted him with a wise look, before explaining the principles of potato printing, looking extremely smug as he did. Lily rolled her eyes, 'God, I've created a monster!' she thought.

James got up and took Harry from Lily. 'Come on son, we'll clear up for Mum, Sirius can help!' he laughed, earning a frown and muttered swear word from Sirius, and a smile from Lily. 'No, don't worry about that, I'll do it in a bit' she said. James looked at her as if she'd gone mad. 'You can't do all this on your own…and don't say I won't do it properly, because I will!' he said firmly. Lily smiled again, 'I don't really care if it's done properly or not James, don't worry, it's just a bit of paint' she said reasonably. James raised his eyebrows, 'Are you alright love?' he asked, sounding worried. Lily nodded, 'I'm fine, honestly, don't worry about it. I'll clean this up in a while. You and Sirius can spend some time with Harry while I do it'. James was open mouthed by this time. 'Are you sure love, you don't mind? He stared at her as if he thought any minute she would explode at the mess in her kitchen. Lily just nodded. James beamed and turned Harry to himself. 'OK son, what shall we do with Sirius then?' he asked. The baby chuckled in response.

Lily looked on as James held Harry in his arms. She felt a familiar tug on her heart as she watched them together, the baby a miniature replica of his father, accept of course, for the eyes, which matched Lily's exactly. She didn't know where it had come from, but she suddenly had an idea for what James could do with the baby. Until now it hadn't been possible. They had been in hiding since Harry was just a few months old, to do what she now had in mind would've been too dangerous.

Lily suddenly felt strangely aware that she often did more with Harry than James had chance to, mainly because she thought tending to Harry's needs was her responsibility and she loved the closeness with him it afforded her. But now she understood James's need to do things with and for, their son. Things he might not get to do later. She looked up at James, 'If you fancied it, you could…..you could take Harry flying….on your broom' she said, trying to keep a tremor of emotion out of her voice. She knew what this would mean to James. Even before Harry was born, James said he couldn't wait to get him on a broom; he wanted to teach a child of his to fly, just like his father taught him. During her pregnancy Lily made James promise he wouldn't take their child out on a broom until it was five years old. He had given in…._eventually_. Then flying with Harry, or flying at all, was forgotten as their lives spun out of control when Voldemort became such a threat to the young family.

James Potter's mouth dropped open and his heart thumped. After a minute of being speechless, he found his voice. 'I…._flying_?' he asked hesitantly, his eyes wide. 'You're going to let me take Harry _flying_?' he repeated, his face alternating quickly from red to white and back again. He sat down quickly in the nearest chair, his legs giving way. 'Do you mean it, really?' he asked, a look of utter astonishment on his face. Lily nodded, tears coming into the back of her throat. 'Well, the charm is keeping us safe, nothing has happened to scare us, or threaten Harry, so why not? Don't you want to?' she asked softly.

James suddenly jumped up off his chair and handed Harry to Sirius, who took him quickly. James then grabbed Lily and hugged her tightly. 'Of course I do! You know I do, more than anything!' he gasped, excitement written all over his face. Lily hugged him back and laughed softly, 'Well, go on then, go flying while I clear up the mess you two made!' she cried.

James turned towards Sirius, grinning widely. 'Come on, we're taking my son out for his first broom ride!' he said enthusiastically. Sirius met his best friend's excited gaze and shook his head. 'No, I'll stay and help Lily clear up, you take Harry out' he replied, beaming, his voice low. James pulled a face, 'Oh come on, we'll have a laugh, we'll….' Sirius shook his head again, 'No, go on Prongs, take your son out for his first broom ride….you'll manage on your own with him…..it's what father's are supposed to do' he added meaningfully.

James Potter's eyes met Lily's again. 'Are you really sure about this, because if you're not….' Lily had to gulp down the tears that seemed to be trying harder than ever to break out, she looked at James steadily. 'Of course I'm sure, just make sure you fly carefully, and don't be long' her voice was laden with emotion. James seemed to swell with excitement, he cast Lily a dazzling smile, full of his deep love for her, and then he took Harry back from his Godfather. 'Come on son, let's go flying!' he said, before he left the room, Harry squealing with joy in his arms.

As soon as James left the room Lily threw herself out of her chair and into Sirius's arms. She wept as the joyous expression on James's face, the joy she had caused him by allowing him to do the one thing he desperately wanted, went through her mind.

Sirius held Lily while she sobbed, and didn't even complain that he was suddenly covered in paint. He was too busy with a few tears of his own.

James Potter left the kitchen, his son clasped in his arms. His heart was pumping in his chest. He realised he actually felt sick with excitement. He had waited for this moment for so long, and then when things went so mad with Voldemort, he had begun to think it would never happen.

James smiled tenderly at Harry. 'Do you know how amazing your Mum is?' he enthused. 'She used to go on and on, telling me you weren't going anywhere near a broom for years, and now she's telling me I can take you flying!' James shook his head, still hardly believing what he was about to do. The baby cooed in his arms. James opened the front door of the cottage and glanced around. There was absolutely no one around. Not for the first time since he bought the place, just before his marriage, he congratulated himself on finding a home that was relatively secluded, on the outskirts of Godric's Hollow.

James remembered fondly why he had loved the cottage when he first saw it, just a few weeks before the wedding. Not only would the it be the first home of his own, and the home he and Lily would start their life together in, it was also perfectly located, near enough to the rest of the village, but out of the way enough to allow him and Lily the privacy all newly married couples want.

James felt a tug around his heart when he remembered showing the place to Lily for the first time, without telling her he had bought it. Like him, she loved it on sight, and was almost dumbstruck when James said that was good, because it was theirs. James could still see the shock on her face, before she burst into tears. Then they both set about getting their home the way they wanted it. James gave Lily a free rein with the house, and it was perfect by the time they were married.

James felt a familiar warmth as he remembered how in those early days of his marriage, he and Lily took pleasure in just being together at the cottage, laughing and talking endlessly, about anything and nothing. He remembered how they quickly realised they had the whole place to themselves, and made good use of the fact, making love all over the house, including, one memorable afternoon on the kitchen floor. They soon stopped when Lily reminded James that Sirius had a habit of just calling to see them unannounced. The idea of being caught in the middle of such an intimate part of their relationship and having Sirius find it hilarious, put them both off, so they kept it for their bedroom, and, for the few weeks immediately after their honeymoon, spent most of their free time in bed.

James was dragged from his memories by Harry cooing and babbling in his arms. He immediately remembered why they were out together. James went to the shed just beside the cottage where he stored his broom. It had been a while since James had flown. Since he and Lily been on the run, there was not much need for flying. James had missed it dreadfully. He'd always loved to fly, even as a child when his father taught him. James considered being deprived of flying a particular form of torture that Voldemort invented just for him. He dragged the broom out from where it was hidden, beneath a pile of stuff he and Sirius used in their pranking days at school. Then he grasped it almost tenderly in one hand, Harry still held tightly in the other, and left the shed. On leaving he dragged out an old dustsheet too, shoving it under the arm the broom was held in.

On leaving the shed, James smiled at Harry. 'Right son, here we go, let's see if Dad can still fly' he said. Harry cooed and watched his father intently. James dropped the broom on the ground along with the dustsheet, then he took out his wand and transfigured the dustsheet into a blanket, which he quickly wrapped Harry in. The baby complained at being restrained by the blanket, but James just stroked his cheek gently, soothing him. 'Sorry son, but it's going to be cold up there, Mum'll kill me if you catch a cold after this', he pulled a face, making Harry chuckle. 'No son, I mean it' he went on, 'if you catch a cold from being out flying with me, we'll both look as old as Dumbledore by the time Mum let's us do it again!' he laughed. James pushed away any thought that this might be the one time ever he would fly with Harry and that there were threats bigger than Lily's overprotective streak around. He held Harry, who was wrapped in the blanket tightly, and then James picked up his broom and carefully mounted it. He took off gently, rising into the air, holding Harry tight with one arm, and steering the broom with the other.

James flew with Harry over the village, looking down over the late autumn scenes below. The leaves were beginning to fall from the trees; there was a chilly breeze in the air. The sun shone brightly in the sky, although it didn't produce much heat. James instinctively pulled the blanket tighter around Harry, while steering the broom confidently with his legs.

James stopped looking at the scenery below and gazed down on his son in his arms. He sighed heavily. 'I hope one day you'll remember this' he said, talking to Harry softly. 'I hope one day you'll be able to tell people you flew with your Dad, and I hope you'll tell them you enjoyed it, because I'm loving it Harry'. The baby cooed, almost as in reply to his father, his eyes wide and attentive.

James smiled tenderly, speaking in confiding tones to Harry. 'I do love you son, really I do. I know I might be a bit of an idiot sometimes, but I love you and your Mum more than anything else in the world, and that won't change, whatever happens'.

James voice became firmer, the need to express his feelings overpowering him. 'Whatever happens Harry, always remember, you were loved and wanted by Mum and me, and promise me you'll never blame yourself for anything that happens.' He realised Harry probably didn't understand half of what he was saying, but James couldn't stop the words pouring out of his mouth. 'You're not responsible for anything Voldemort has done Harry, and you never will be'.

The sun continued to shine down on James and Harry as they flew. It made James feel happy and somehow sad at the same time. He looked down on the baby again who was looking up at him, trust radiating from his eyes, the eyes so like Lily's it made James's heart ache. Then he suddenly felt hopeful. He thought of all the experiences in life Harry was yet to have. He beamed joyously at the baby, 'You know son, you're going to have such a great life' he said. 'When you're a bit bigger you'll be able to try all sorts of stuff…you'll be able to play Mum up Harry, it'll be great! He laughed, drawing an excited shriek from Harry. 'Then you'll go to Hogwarts, where Dad and Mum, and Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail went'. James face became suddenly serious. 'Just make sure you tell that bloody sorting hat you're going into Gryffindor! The stupid bit of scrap wanted to put Sirius into Slytherin, just because his brother was in it! I mean, honestly!' Harry cooed, and James calmed down. 'Sorry son, I just hate that bloody awful hat…and the Slytherins…but don't tell Mum I said that!' he confided, grinning.

James thought of all the fun he'd had at school, and beamed. 'You're going to love Hogwarts son'. At a mumble from Harry he raised his eyebrows, 'Yes, I know, of course you'll miss Mum, who wouldn't, but you can come home for the holidays if you like, and of course, as a Potter, you'll be a popular student'. James smirked and thanked God Lily couldn't see. 'You'll be a top Seeker on the Quidditch team. In time you'll be Gryffindor's captain, just like Dad'. James went on talking, his words stirring memories of his own time at school. 'You're going to make great friends, and get up to all sorts, like your Dad and the other Marauders', James smiled wryly.

'You'll have all the teachers I had son. You'll think Dumbledore's a bit mental, and he _is_, but he's also wise. He'll help you Harry, all you need to do is ask. You'll have Professor McGonagall too. She's okay really. You just have to learn how to play her. She's a pussycat really…' James sniggered at the unfortunate analogy between his former Transfiguration and House Mistress and a feline. It was a little too appropriate! 'But you just need to respect her, and you'll be fine'.

James suddenly remembered Harry might have a teacher at school that he'd never had. In his day, this person was a student, a loathed enemy. 'You're probably going to end up with _Snivellus_ teaching you Potions son' he broke this news as if it was an impending calamity. 'Dumbledore's gone and given the slimy git a job, God knows why'.

James remembered all his encounters with Severus Snape. He hated him at school like he'd never hated any other person before, and it seemed, the feeling was mutual. James gazed down on Harry and smiled, 'Just make sure you tell someone if that git starts bullying you son. Either that, or, if Dumbledore's given you my Invisibility cloak by then, put it on and hex the vile slimeball!' James grinned wickedly and Harry cooed, according to James, in agreement. James continued to smile down on the baby. 'Don't go putting up with Snivellus's mad outbursts son, he's just a pathetic, slimy git…and he used to call your Mum a name, a vile name.' James voice dropped to a near whisper. 'The weird thing is, I reckon the slimy git fancied your Mum, not that she ever realised of course…it must have really got up his nose when she got involved with me…'

Now James sighed, his mind wandered to Lily. He smiled wryly, 'Just don't go making an idiot of yourself over girls at Hogwarts' he said gently to the child in his arms. 'Don't, whatever you do, spend years trying to impress a gorgeous girl, because she'll think you're messing her around'. James smiled knowingly. 'Just be yourself and the girls will love it…oh, and check out the Gryffindor girls first son', James released another reminiscent sigh as he spoke. 'Find yourself a redhead and stick to her like glue'. James smiled ironically, 'It worked for me…_eventually_'.

James suddenly realised Harry hadn't moved or made a sound for a while. He looked down in alarm, suddenly terrified he'd dropped Harry and not felt it. His heart raced and he broke out into a sweat as he tried to figure out how to tell Lily. He knew that if he'd dropped their son, he wouldn't need to worry about Voldemort any more, Lily would kill him herself! Then he took a calming breath as he looked down to see Harry, still wrapped snugly in the blanket, fast asleep. James watched the baby sleeping so peacefully in his arms, and sighed with relief.

He turned the broom around and headed for home.


	9. Understanding and Friendship

**CHAPTER NINE: UNDERSTANDING AND FRIENDSHIP**

When James got back home, Harry was still sleeping. James went inside the cottage, and found Lily in the kitchen, which was now spotlessly clean. She looked up when he came into the room, and smiled wryly. 'Harry obviously found your company riveting' she said, indicating the sleeping baby. James nodded, 'Obviously!' his face broke into a wide smile, 'Mind you, he frightened the life out of me, I was talking to him and he went all quiet on me. I was scared I'd dropped him or something stupid, I knew you'd kill me if I'd gone and lost him', Lily nodded, smiling and James jaw dropped open. 'You weren't supposed to agree with me woman!' he exclaimed, looking disgruntled. Lily giggled, 'Well I would!' she said, her eyes bright. James shook his head, 'Yes, I know you would…anyway, once I'd stopped panicking I looked and there he was fast asleep!' he sat down at the kitchen table as he spoke, Harry still in his arms.

Lily made some tea and sat down opposite James. 'Sirius had to go before you got back, he said he's going to check on Peter, and he'll see us tomorrow'. James nodded, and sipped his tea. 'Great, did he help you much with the clearing up from our painting?' he asked, raising his eyebrows quizzically. Lily grinned, 'No, he didn't help me….he did it all, admittedly by magic, but he did it all the same' she laughed at James's dumbfounded expression. 'Sirius never tidies up, not even in his own place! James exclaimed loudly, before remembering Harry was asleep in his arms. 'I've never seen Sirius tidy up, ever, not even magically, so what's up with him?' he whispered.

Lily shook her head sadly, 'I don't think anything's up James, I just think he still feels guilty about not being our Secret Keeper, and he wants to help us any way he can'. James released a groan, 'I told him not to worry about that, I told him it doesn't matter, Wormtail's doing it, and we're fine, so what's he worried about?' Lily shook her head, 'I don't know, but I think you should talk to him about it, I don't like the idea of him worrying about it. After all, he was thinking about us, wasn't he, Harry and us? James nodded firmly, 'Course he was'. Lily went on, 'He promised he'd come and see us every day, and he has. I think he's doing everything he can for us.' She sat thoughtfully for a moment before speaking again. 'James, I think you should tell Sirius he shouldn't worry if he can't get here every day, I mean, it's lovely of him, but he must have other things to do, I don't like the idea of him worrying about us.' James nodded in agreement. 'He shouldn't be worried about us now, I mean, the charm is done, we're all safe, life is normal again….I'll have a word with Sirius tomorrow'. Lily smiled tenderly at her husband and their son, who was still sleeping peacefully in his father's arms.

The next day dawned and James woke up first. The family had now been back at Godric's Hollow for five days. James felt a tingle of excitement as he remembered flying with Harry the day before. Then he felt a twinge of sadness. He hoped fervently that he would get the chance to fly with him again one day, 'preferably when he's awake' James said to himself. 'Who's awake? Is it Harry? Did he cry out?' demanded Lily, waking with a start and trying to get up quickly from the bed. James grasped her hands as she went to move. 'No, Harry's fine' he smiled a good morning to Lily and she sighed and got back into bed properly.

Lily slipped an arm loosely round James as she lay back down on her side, under the covers; she rested her head on his chest. James lay on his back and rested an arm around hers, as it lay around his waist. They lay in comfortable silence for a long time, neither of them wanting to move. Lily sighed contentedly. James looked down on her and raised his hand to stroke her cheek gently, his eyes glowing with warmth.

Lily trembled at his caress on her skin, she felt a familiar, though long absent heat rise within her. Lily looked up into James's eyes and saw passion and love burning in their fathomless depths. Suddenly they were kissing, their lips crashing together and their tongues dancing in a joyous union as they caressed each others mouths. Lily gasped as James began to caress her. Moaning in the back of his throat, James turned Lily onto her back gently and ran his hands over her face, and down her neck. She arched into him when his lips moved from hers and caressed the hollow of her throat, then a hand brushed her breast softly and Lily thought she'd die from the pleasure of it. Suddenly James stopped what he was doing and rolled off Lily, clearly frustrated and angry with himself. 'Bloody hell!' he exclaimed, slamming his hand down on the bed.

Lily took a moment to catch her breath before she was able to sit up. 'James, what is it, why did you stop?' she asked. She was worried. He hadn't touched her like that for so long, and when he did…..she could still feel the warmth of his touch on her skin, he'd made feel alive and loved, and then he'd stopped. The heat he had awoken still coursed through her veins.

Lily's eyes watched her husband as he sat up and went to get off the bed. Lily reached for him. He turned towards her and smiled sadly. 'I'm sorry love, I just….I didn't want to get carried away' he looked distinctly shaken. Lily sighed, 'James you're my husband, we're married, you're _allowed_ to get carried away.' She tried not to sound frustrated, the heat within her made her want him desperately. She moved to take him into her arms, but James shrugged her off gently and rose from the bed. He faced her and Lily could see he was shaking in his effort to control himself. He clearly wanted her as much as she did him. He had to take a deep breath before he could speak. 'I….Lily I love you, you do know that….don't you?' he swallowed hard. Lily smiled softly and nodded, 'I know you do, and I love you'. Jame_s _nodded,_ '_I know….I know you do' then his eyes filled, 'which is why I can't do _that_ Lily, I want to…' he gritted his teeth now, clearly frustrated and upset, 'God knows, I _do_ want to, but I can't…..' he trembled with the effort he was making to control his feelings.

Lily got off the bed and faced her husband. She stood in her nightgown and studied James as he stood on his own side of the bed, in his boxer shorts. She took in his muscular, if slim, frame. She knew all the years of playing Quidditch at school had benefited him considerably, though the strain of everything they had been through had taken its toll on him. He was thinner than he was when they married. He wasn't strikingly handsome in the way that Sirius was, but there was something about him, something that was appealing, that drew people to him, especially women. His hair, which permanently stood up at the back, no matter how hard he tried, was thick and jet black. His lips were full and sensuous, his nose added to a profile that made him look strong and noble. His deep hazel eyes shone with pleasure when he enjoyed something, and burned furiously when he was angry.

Lily remembered being told once that the eyes are the windows to the soul. She couldn't help thinking that was never truer than for James. His eyes showed every emotion he experienced. She remembered how his eyes focused on her as she walked up the aisle towards him on their wedding day. It was as if she was the only person in the world to him. She remembered how his eyes reflected his love and passion for her when he took her in his arms and made love to her on their wedding night. He worshipped every part of her body that night, his eyes never leaving hers for a moment, every emotion he felt, every moment of their uniting as one showing ecstatically in his hazel orbs. He treasured Lily that night, and even when words failed amid the waves of their combined desire, his love still shone from his eyes.

Lily moved from her own side of the bed and stood directly in front of James. The eyes looking into hers were full of love, frustration and something else. Lily raised a quizzical brow. 'James, what is it?' she asked softly. James groaned under his breath; he knew he had to make her understand. 'Lily, I love you, and I _do_ want you…' Lily stepped forward, reaching for him, but James stepped back, out of her reach. He closed his eyes against the pain that suddenly clouded her gaze. 'James, you said you wanted…' Lily was interrupted by an exasperated gasp. 'I said I want you, but I _can't!_' James cried passionately. He went on. He knew he didn't dare stop now. Lily was silent, shocked at his sudden outburst. James took a breath to calm himself. 'I can't make love to you Lily…..I can't….I'm…._I'm frightened_' he admitted, wondering what was worse, wanting her so badly or the embarrassment of his words. He decided it was probably the latter. He flushed with shame and could hardly bring himself to look at Lily, who still hadn't said anything.

As Lily looked at James, his face full of shame and embarrassment, she realised immediately what he was saying. She sighed sadly. 'This is because of the times we made love when we were on the run, isn't it? It's because of that night at the flat isn't it? It's because you think you hurt me, isn't it?' She edged closer to him and met his gaze again. James eyes locked with hers and he nodded, shamefacedly. Lily shook her head. 'We talked about this James, I told you, you didn't hurt me, I know you'd never hurt me, not in that way, not in _any_ way, unless you could help it' Lily's voice was calm, but insistent.

James suddenly tensed, he sounded almost angry. 'Oh Lily! I know you're trying to help me, and I love you for it, really, but you have to be honest, I did hurt you! I practically raped you, you know I did!' his voice was rising again. Lily shook her head, her eyes wide, 'James, you didn't! You didn't mean to hurt me and I was more than willing, so it wasn't rape, nearly or otherwise, things just went out of control for a while, that's all!' Lily struggled to keep her own emotions under control, she could see James was in pain and she was desperate to help him, she needed to convince him that she trusted him completely, and knew he would never intentionally hurt her.

Lily knew James was distraught after their first night at the flat. They'd been terrified at the thought that yet again they were being chased down by Voldemort. When they were safe again with Harry, their feelings had overtaken them, and they made love so frantically it scared them both. James entered Lily so fiercely she cried out in shock and pain. He hardly touched her now, at least, not in any way that would lead anywhere beyond kissing and holding each other.

James trembled when Lily reached out and took his hands in hers. She looked into his eyes again. 'James, do you love me?' she asked quietly. He didn't hesitate for a moment. 'Of course I do! You know I do, but….'

Lily went on, her eyes meeting his unflinchingly. 'Would you ever call me names James…..er….like Mudblood for example?' James visibly flinched. Lily held his hands in hers calmly. He clenched his jaws, grinding his teeth, 'You know very well I wouldn't! I'd never call you by that vile name! You know I hate anyone being called that, but you….I'd never call you that! I couldn't!' He was wide eyed and indignant. Lily nodded, stroking his hands soothingly. 'Of course I know' she said softly.

James relaxed a little. He couldn't work out where she was going with this. Lily went on, her voice low and soft. 'I know you love me James and I know you would never call me names, though God knows, I probably deserve it sometimes…' James immediately opened his mouth to contradict, but Lily cut him off. 'No, I probably do' she insisted. 'That's all very well Lily, but there's a bit of a difference between name calling and what I….' James was cut off as Lily went on, her voice steady and firm. 'I know for certain, you'd never hurt me intentionally, not in _any_ way, especially when we make love, so I _know_ you didn't mean to hurt me that night'.

James suddenly released his hands from Lily's tight grasp. He jerked his head up and looked at her, full in the face. 'But what if I did?' he asked, his voice almost cold. Lily stared at him in confusion. 'What?' she asked. 'I said what if I did? What if I meant to, at least in that moment, what if I meant to hurt you?' Lily sighed and looked at her husband steadily. 'James you wouldn't, I know you wouldn't.' James groaned softly in the back of his throat. Then when he spoke, his voice was not much more than a whisper. 'That's what I'm frightened of Lily. I'm frightened that if we make love again, I'll hurt you again and I…..' his words stuck in the back of his throat, tears welled in his eyes.

Lily moved to James and took him in her arms. 'I never meant to hurt you Lily, I swear, I never meant to hurt you!' James's voice was thick with emotion. Lily held him tightly in her arms. 'It's all right, shhh now, it's OK. I know you didn't mean it. I've been telling you that all along, I know.' Lily eased out of his arms and smiled tenderly up at him. 'James, what you forget is that I was as bad, taking from you and giving hardly anything' he went to contradict again and Lily shook her head. 'We were _both_ as bad James. The thing is, we were both so frightened, scared to death of losing Harry, scared to death of losing each other, so every time we survived, every time we were safe and still together, things were bound to go a bit mad. At the end of the day, we hadn't really been married long when all this blew up with Voldemort and that bloody prophecy, so in a way it's only natural we used sex to comfort ourselves, but you never meant to hurt me and I know you wouldn't do it again, so please, can't we go back to the way we were? I want us to make love again….._please_'.

James looked into Lily's eyes for one long moment. Lily met his gaze with love and certainty in her eyes. Looking at the confident assurance in his wife's eyes, his heart began to race. She had convinced him. She understood how he felt. She was certain of him, she was sure of his love and sure he would never hurt her deliberately. He silently thanked God for her.

James took a relieved breath and then he sighed as he had a thought. He smiled, his whole face lighting up. 'I want you Lily, I really do, but we'd better not, not now'. Lily looked at him quizzically, 'Why not?' she asked, relief washing over her that at least he'd said he wanted her. James smiled seductively making Lily feel faint. 'Well now, when we do, I plan on taking my time with you, loving you, touching you, being with you, enjoying you, _all_ of you…and I can't do that just now….' Lily just asked again with a look, she found herself unable to speak after his declaration. James grinned warmly. 'Because my love, I'd die of embarrassment if we were…um…...just getting down to it and Sirius arrived. You know he'd enjoy embarrassing the hell out of me!'

Lily giggled, 'I think you've made your point quite well Potter' her eyes sparkled with happiness. 'There is just one thing…' James raised an eyebrow at the look on her face. 'What Lily?' he asked tentatively. Lily broke into a huge grin. 'I think we should hurry up and get dressed, if we stand here like this much longer, I don't think I will be able to answer for what I might do.' She cast a longing eye over James in his boxer shorts. James looked at her in her nightgown and felt his own body react. 'Yes…..I see….I see exactly what you mean…' he gulped. Neither of them moved. Lily smiled softly, 'Well, shall we go and get Harry up and get some breakfast then?' James nodded, and blinked, concentrating on making himself move. After a few moments of watching each other hungrily, they both sighed before they burst out laughing and went to wake up their son.

Sirius arrived not long after breakfast. At least, Lily and James knew it was Sirius. To any passing stranger the large black dog outside their house might have looked like a stray that had learned where to go for a meal. Lily was alerted to his presence when he suddenly jumped up at the kitchen window just as she was washing up after breakfast. She screamed in shock as he suddenly appeared outside and barked loudly. 'Sirius Black, you stupid idiot!' she exclaimed, 'God, you frightened the life out of me!'

James ran into the kitchen having heard Lily scream, Harry in his arms, who he had just dressed. He saw Lily holding a hand over her heart, and Sirius, or rather, Padfoot, sitting outside, looking through the kitchen window, with something rather like a smile on his face. James grinned and went to the front door to let Padfoot in. The dog bounded inside, wagging his tail furiously.

Lily frowned at James, 'Well, aren't you going to tell him off for scaring me?' she demanded, glaring now at the dog who was licking her feet. James Potter's eyes sparkled, and he grinned wickedly, 'Of course I will, anything for you my love.' Lily rolled her eyes; she could tell James was obviously in a silly mood. 'I should've pounced on him when I had the chance and let Sirius catch us. That would've wiped the grin off his face!' Lily thought, suppressing a snigger. James straightened his face and spoke to the dog, 'You're a very bad dog Padfoot, a very bad dog…' he said in a sing-song sort of voice, '…and stop being a pervert with Lily's feet!' he cried, his eyes shining with laughter.

Sirius transformed back to his human form, he stood on his knees, his nose brushing Lily's feet. 'Sirius, get up now!' Lily cried, pushing him away. Sirius laughed loudly, 'Sorry Lils, I just couldn't resist…and I was not being a pervert with her feet, thank you very much!' he glared at James before grinning again as he stood. Lily sighed, 'Honestly Sirius, when are you ever going to grow up?' she asked, smiling at her friend. Sirius laughed again, 'Oh, I don't know Lils, probably one day, one day soon' he replied. 'I wouldn't count on that' James supplied, as Sirius took Harry out of his father's arms and into his own. Sirius beamed, 'No, you could be right, being a grown up would be boring, I think I'll stay this age forever'. James nodded, 'Me too, being an old man wouldn't suit me'.

Lily shook her head, 'James I promise, when you're old, fat and wrinkled I'll still love you, and I'll buy you a nice slow broom to fly, and a new goblet to put your teeth in at night.' She beamed at him nonchalantly and Sirius roared with laughter. James grimaced, 'Ugh! You were winning there until you got to the teeth bit….that's gross Lily, really gross!' Lily laughed, 'It was supposed to be!' she giggled at the look on her husband's face. James turned to Sirius, who was still laughing. 'You can shut up as well' he glared, 'foot licker!' his face broke into a wide grin.

Sirius pulled a mock frown, his eyes bright with laughter, 'I can't help it if you married a woman with sexy feet…did you know you'd got sexy feet Lils?' Lily smothered a smile, 'No Sirius, I didn't realise I'd got sexy feet….have I got sexy feet?' Lily turned to James and gave him her best wide eyed innocent look. Just for good measure, she licked her lips provocatively. She suddenly wanted to tease him. James looked down at Lily's feet and smirked flirtatiously. 'You've got _very_ sexy feet love….you're sexy all over if you ask me' he winked at her.

Lily's face blushed almost as red as her hair. She locked eyes with James and swallowed hard. They stared at each other for a long moment. Sirius groaned, Harry still in his arms. 'Should we leave you two alone, or should I just cover Harry's eyes?' he enquired sarcastically. Lily tore her eyes away from her husband, and coughed, 'Sorry Sirius', she smiled kindly, 'do you want a cup of tea?' she asked, before turning around to put the kettle on.

When Lily had her back to the others, she bit her lip to stop herself grinning. She knew flirting with James again was a good start. She knew there was more where that came from, much more.

Sirius Black stayed at Godric's Hollow all day. The day reminded Lily of the time at Hogwarts when her relationship with James had just begun, and she'd started to realise the depth of the closeness between James and Sirius. She knew even now, as adults, they had a friendship that could never be broken. They were more like brothers than friends.

Sirius did have a brother of course, Lily knew that. Regulus Black, Sirius's younger brother died the year Harry was born, just before James and Lily had to go on the run with their son. Sirius's family were up to their eyes in the Dark Arts, and Regulus was no exception. He was became a Deatheater and then, when he realised what that would involve, he tried to back out. As a result, he was murdered.

Lily remembered how Sirius didn't seem surprised at first by what happened. He knew what his family was like. He came round to tell Lily and James the news and he ranted and raved at what he thought of as Regulus's stupidity. It was only when Lily left the room briefly that she heard a sound. She turned back to the room to find Sirius sobbing in his best friend's arms. When he was calm again, he explained that it wasn't so much that he was upset over his brother, they'd never been close, and their relationship virtually vanished when Sirius moved out of his family home and in with James and his parents when he was just sixteen, it was the fact that if Regulus had stood up for himself against his parents, he would never have got himself hooked up with Voldemort and would probably still be alive. It was the waste of a life that Sirius hated.

Lily remembered fondly how Sirius reacted when she broke the news to him that she was pregnant with Harry. He had been dropping some not-so-subtle hints ever since Lily and James became a couple that he wanted to be Godfather to their first child. When he was finally asked if he was still interested he was speechless. Lily remembered his bottom jaw hanging down as he struggled to take it in. Then, characteristically, he whooped with joy and jumped around the cottage for ages, like a hyperactive puppy.

When Harry was born, Sirius was almost as attentive to Lily as James. Lily smiled softly at the memory. James was out at Auror training when Lily's labour began. Lily managed to get a message to him before taking herself off to St Mungo's. Later there was uproar in the maternity wing of the hospital when James arrived with a very flustered Sirius Black in tow. James was in a state, worrying about Lily and impending fatherhood, and Sirius just wanted everything to happen immediately. He sulked when Lily, mid contraction, yelled at him, 'Well you'll have to bloody well wait, now sod off!' When the contraction faded Lily apologised and Sirius accepted with good grace. However, he spent the rest of the labour in the corridor outside Lily's room. James told Lily much later that when he popped out to check on him, leaving Lily for just a second, Sirius was pacing up and down the corridor, looking like a new father himself!

Then Harry was born and Lily knew she would never forget those first few minutes of motherhood. She remembered looking down on Harry and hardly believing he was hers. There was so much of James in him it was scary. He had James's hair, right down to the way it stuck up in exactly the same way, he had the same nose and even his hands were a mirror of his father's.

Lily remembered James and Sirius holding Harry for the first time. They each held him, James first of course, and then Sirius. Lily remembered a lump rising in her throat when, as they each held Harry in their arms, the two young men cried. When Lily pointed out they were supposed to be happy, it wasn't a time to cry, both insisted they weren't crying; they had something in their eye! Lily argued that they _were_ crying, she could see the tears, but both ignored her; they were too busy gazing down on the new baby boy, planning when they could start teaching him to fly and when he could get his first wand, and so on. Lily didn't bother correcting any over ambitious plans they had for Harry at this stage, she was too tired from the labour, and besides, even if she had said anything, she doubted either man would have noticed. They were too focused on Harry to notice anything else at that moment.

Lily's mind went to when they found out about Voldemort wanting Harry dead. Sirius seemed to come into his own immediately. He supported James and Lily quietly, with a calm assurance that Lily never knew he was capable of. He was adamant they would be OK and Harry would be all right. It was much later when he told Lily they just had to be OK because they were his family, his only family.

Lily realised the situation with Voldemort was as hard for Sirius as it was for James and her. She knew someone as active as Sirius would hate the way there was nothing he could do to keep the family safe. Having to refuse to be their Secret Keeper must have made the feeling worse, so now he tried to help in other ways, visiting every day and making sure they were all right before going and checking on their Secret Keeper, Peter Pettigrew. Lily knew Sirius was a true and loyal friend.

As Lily watched James and Sirius that day, laughing and joking together like schoolboys one minute, and then lavishing attention on Harry the next, she felt completely safe and happy in a way she had not felt for months. She felt that she and James would be okay, they'd talked through the problems they'd had. It was as if, in the last few days, they'd found each other again and she loved it. Lily realised Voldemort was still a danger, but, in that cottage, listening to her husband and friend making her son squeal with laughter as they played, she believed everything would be all right. They had fought the battle and survived.

That night Sirius rose to leave. Lily had already said goodnight to Sirius and pecked him on the cheek as she carried a sleepy Harry up to bed. As she went she kissed James softly, telling him not to stay up with Sirius all night. Lily knew she might as well talk to herself. When James and Sirius were together, they could talk for hours. Consequently, by the time Sirius was leaving it was pitch black outside. The late October night was starlit, and as James opened the front door to see his friend out there was a definite chill in the air.

Sirius stood on the doorstep and looked out on the night sky. 'Right, it looks like I'll just get time to check on Wormtail and then I'm off to bed….I'm shattered', he said, stifling a yawn. James nodded sluggishly, 'I don't think I'll be long either….it's been a great day though, Harry loved it' he broke into a wide smile.

Sirius went to go, but James pulled him back, just for a second. 'Listen, if you haven't got time to come and check on us every day, don't worry about it, we're fine' he said lightly. Sirius smirked, 'What is it? Am I cramping your style with Lily? Honestly, the way you two kept looking at each other today….it should've been illegal, and you married over two years as well, it's almost obscene!' James laughed. 'You're just jealous because I married a woman with such sexy feet…honestly, sexy feet! That was good, even for you!'

James suddenly became more serious. He looked his friend straight in the face, 'No, it's got nothing to do with cramping my style, it's just… well…we were thinking, you must have better things to do than worry about us all the time…' Sirius scowled, 'What you mean is I'm in the way, well pardon me for being concerned about my closest friends and my Godson!' he cried sharply. James eyes widened, 'Oh come on, don't be like that, I…' Sirius glared, 'Like what? You're telling me I'm in the way, and all I'm trying to do is keep an eye on things! I mean, I refused to be your Secret Keeper, the least you should expect is that I come round every day like I promised and make sure you're all…'

'Sirius' James interrupted his friend's rant by using his name, calmly and quietly, while his heart raced. He realised Lily was right. Sirius was still feeling guilty about not being their Secret Keeper. Sirius stopped talking and sighed heavily. He looked out again at the starlit night. 'It's just that I….you trusted me, you asked me to be your Secret Keeper, and I let you down, I should've…'

James shook his head firmly, 'No, now come on, you asked Wormtail to do it, and he has and we're in our own home again and happier than we've been for ages….Lily is happy with me again, and God knows, for a while there I thought….' He swallowed hard and then went on. 'Harry is safe and we're spending time with him properly, rather than being scared to death to breathe all the time. We're a normal family again Padfoot and we've got you to thank for that, so stop worrying about us, we're fine. Have a break for a couple of days…' he watched Sirius closely and noticed how tired he looked, and not just from the late night, '…and maybe we'll do something after Halloween. I mean, Harry's exactly 15 months old on Halloween, maybe we could have a little party or something for him, after all, we didn't do a lot on his first birthday did we, because of being at that filthy flat, oh, and don't worry about Wormtail either, you know as well as I do, he'd never betray us, so just have a couple of days break and then we'll get together and give Harry the party he should have had ages ago'.

Sirius felt uncertain. Part of him knew that if he came and saw James, Lily and Harry every day it reassured him. It made him feel that they were all right, and they would continue to be safe. He felt like they would only be safe if he kept an eye on them. But, another feeling told him that Wormtail was their Secret Keeper and wouldn't have the nerve to risk the consequences of betraying them. Sirius was sure Wormtail knew what would happen to him if he risked his friend's lives, so it wouldn't be worth it…besides he wasn't bright enough to plot to betray his friends. He thought about it and sighing, he looked at James. 'I'm sorry…I just worry about you all, that's all.'

James nodded and smiled, 'I know you do, but we're fine, we're all fine'. Sirius sighed again, 'Maybe your right, I probably could do with a break'. He stifled another yawn as he spoke. 'I'll tell you what, I'll stay at home tomorrow, then I'll check on Wormtail on Halloween and then the day after I'll come round and we'll teach Harry how to party Marauder style!' he grinned like a schoolboy. James laughed, 'Seems like a plan to me!' The two men shook on it and said goodnight.

Just as James was about to shut the front door he felt a need to call after his friend. He watched as Sirius got closer to the flying motorbike that rested against the low wall alongside the garden gate at the end of the garden path. James couldn't understand the sudden urge; all he knew was that he couldn't resist it. He went outside and ran down the path. 'Sirius!' he yelled as he ran. Sirius stopped abruptly. He turned and saw James running after him. 'What, what is it?' he demanded, his eyes wide open, looking around for anything untoward.

James stopped directly in front of his best friend, halfway down the path between the cottage and the garden gate. James met his friend's anxious gaze. Then, without planning it, without even thinking about it, James Potter reached out and hugged Sirius Black. The two men stood, arms around each other, just for a moment. James suddenly realised what he'd done and pulled away uncomfortably. He wasn't used to hugging his best friend, especially in the middle of the night! 'Um…I…I just…..' James muttered, flushing. 'Mate if you want a cuddle I'm sure Lily will oblige, you didn't really need to throw yourself at me!' Sirius grinned awkwardly, unsure what to do. He was used to playing Quidditch with James, or pulling pranks, not being hugged by him in the middle of the night!

James smiled, and then he became solemn. 'I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't let you leave for a minute…..' Sirius raised a quizzical eyebrow. 'Come on Prongs, spit it out'. James sighed, 'OK, but don't go mad or act stupid or anything, I haven't switched sides, I still fancy Lily and….' Sirius's eyebrows arched so much they were nearly in his hairline. 'Prongs, you're starting to scare me now, I mean, what…' he was interrupted as James spoke hurriedly, 'I just needed to say…..I love you'. Sirius's mouth dropped open in a gape. 'Well…er…Prongs….I….' Sirius was shell shocked to say the least. James groaned, 'See, now I've made a fool out of myself!' He shuddered in embarrassment. 'I just meant to say you're the best friend I ever had, you helped me and Lily get together at school, you've been a fantastic friend to both of us, you've been great to me, Lily and Harry since Voldemort started on us. You've done everything you could for us and…well, I love you'.

Sirius suddenly smiled and reached out and hugged his friend again. 'Well why the bloody hell didn't you say it like that to start with you prat! You had me scared then, I thought for a second you fancied me or something! Although, thinking about it, why wouldn't you…?' he smirked, and held on to James, patting him on the back firmly. James laughed, 'God, and Lily accused _me_ of being arrogant!'

Sirius laughed softly. 'Just for the record, I love you too, you soppy sod! You're my brother, not just a mate, you're more my brother than Regulus ever was. You made me part of your family when your Mum and Dad took me in…' he tightened his grip on James as he spoke about James's parents, 'and you did it again when you made me Harry's Godfather…you made me belong somewhere, you made me fit in, so for that, and loads of other reasons besides, I love you too'.

James and Sirius finally released one another. 'I'll see you the day after Halloween, for Harry's party, OK?' Sirius said quietly. 'Yes…and sneak me in some firewhiskey, will you?' James replied, equally as softly. Sirius sniggered, 'Lily'll love that! She'll skin us alive if we get drunk!' James laughed, and then he watched Sirius walk away down the garden path, towards the flying motorbike, which took off with a roar. Then James Potter turned, went inside, closed the front door, and went upstairs to bed.


	10. Love and Marriage

A/N Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed so far. The encouragement you give me is amazing.

Now, this chapter is probably the reason this is an M. Please be warned, this is the first time I've ever submitted a fic with a love-scene in it. I suppose I'm trying to see if I'm able to write that sort of stuff. It's hard to write something you've never experienced….OK, too much detail! On with the story.

**CHAPTER TEN: LOVE AND MARRIAGE**

James and Lily spent the day before Halloween quietly with Harry. James told Lily about his idea of having a party for the baby. 'I reckon the day after Halloween would be good, we can make Halloween special in itself for him, and have the party the next day…drag out the celebrations a bit'. Lily raised her eyebrows wryly, 'Don't you mean it will give you two excuses for a party rather than just one? Oh, and would I be right in thinking Sirius will be trying to smuggle firewhiskey into this party for Harry?'

James stared at Lily as if she had two heads, not even bothering to deny it – he knew she'd see straight through a lie anyway, but he couldn't work out how she could've known what they were planning. Lily shook her head and rolled her eyes, 'Honestly Potter, you'd think by now you would've worked out that I know exactly how your mind works…I mean, how long have I known you? Nearly ten years! I know what you're thinking, I know how you feel, I know every little thought that goes on in that head of yours, so don't try and get one over on me!' She was trying not to laugh as she spoke. James was standing, open mouthed, looking more flabbergasted with every word she uttered. Then he smirked as an idea struck him. He knew a challenge when he heard it!

Lily was finishing the washing up from breakfast. Harry was in the living room, sitting on the carpet, surrounded by building blocks, a gift from Sirius the day before. Every now and then, through the open sliding door that linked the kitchen and living room, there was an excited squeal as Harry learned to put the bricks on top of one another.

James stood in the kitchen with his wife, watching her face intently. 'So, she thinks she knows what I'm thinking does she?' he thought, and moved towards her, as she stood with her hands in the washing up water. James moved so he was alongside Lily, facing her as she stood at the kitchen sink. She was so close to him now he could smell her, a flowery, fresh smell that he could only describe as Lily. He dragged his mind away from her smell and looked her in the eye as she turned her face towards him. 'OK, so, tell me Lily, if you're such an expert in what I'm thinking, what I feel and what I do, what am I going to do now?' His voice was low, husky.

Lily met his gaze. He was looking directly into her eyes. Lily felt a tingle all over her body at his closeness. She could smell him, a familiar smell of the outdoors, brooms and, strangely, Quidditch. Lily puzzled over whether you could say Quidditch had a smell, but if it did, James personified it. Lily quickly finished the washing up and turned towards him. His eyes were glowing, as if a fire was burning in their hazel depths. Lily forced herself to sneer at him, 'Oh you're so obvious Potter! You could try harder than that!' She attempted to laugh derisively, but even in her own ears, it wasn't even remotely derogatory enough. He was making her nerve endings dance by being so close, and he hadn't even touched her!

James plastered a fake, a _very_ fake, smirk onto his face. Lily being so close was beginning to have an effect on him, a disastrous effect, at least for what he planned! He struggled with the urge to pull her to him, but conquered himself. 'So? What am I about to do?' he said, edging ever closer.

Lily continued to watch him, her mouth went dry. She swallowed before she could speak, 'Too easy Potter….you're going….. to kiss me' she gasped as he edged closer still and began to lower his head slowly, very slowly, all the time, never taking his eyes from hers.

James was feeling light-headed. The battle to stop himself kissing Lily right there and then was beginning to disintegrate around him. His breathing was becoming difficult. He lowered his head all the more, 'Oh, am I? Am I really?' he heard himself say, but he had no recollection of saying it. The only thing he could think about was Lily's lips as they edged closer to his.

Lily felt her heart race, her knees were about to give way. James was now about an inch from her lips. 'Of course you are….so, go on…..just get on with it'. Lily's voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere far away.

James lowered his head so barely a quarter of an inch separated him from Lily. Now he hated himself for being competitive. 'Just kiss her you prat!' screamed one voice in his head. 'No you don't, prove a point!' screamed another. James negotiated a way of achieving both, not so much a win, but a draw, if you like. He smirked in satisfaction. He edged ever closer, his lips almost brushing Lily's. 'Nah….I've gone off the idea now….maybe later!' he grinned. Then he quickly stepped right back to where he was originally standing.

Lily Potter glared furiously at her husband and caught the breath she'd been holding when his lips were so close to hers. 'Why, you…..!...you…..!...you complete and utter toera'………!' She was abruptly cut off as James rushed towards her and pulled her into his arms. He clamped his lips to hers swiftly, the pressure of his mouth on hers unravelling everything around them both. Lily gasped and opened her mouth, which James took advantage of, he explored her mouth with his, their tongues dancing together, exploring each other blissfully. Lily nipped James's lower lip softly, eliciting a low moan from him.

When they released each other they were both out of breath. James's eyes sparkled. 'So, do you think you still know what I think?' he asked, his eyes bright with suppressed laughter and love. He was ecstatic. He realised in that moment that he and Lily were fooling around with each other exactly like they did when they were first married and he loved it, loved _her_.

Lily stood and tried to gather her thoughts. She felt like she could've climbed a mountain or shouted from the rooftops. She knew she and James were behaving normally with one another, completely at ease to laugh and joke at one another's expense, and tease when they felt like it. Lily knew James meant no harm, he was just having fun making a point, and, she admitted, he'd made it pretty convincingly! She loved being this relaxed with him again. Quite simply, she loved _him_. 'Oh, I don't know about that, let me think it over while you make your point again' she whispered suggestively.

James decided it would be rude to refuse a lady who clearly wanted an interesting debate, so, he edged closer and claimed Lily's lips again.

James put Harry to bed that night. Lily sat downstairs in the living room watching the warm glow of the fire. As she sat there, she felt content. She was happy with James, Harry was fit and well and doing new things every day. James and Lily delighted in every development Harry made, from his increasingly confident attempts to walk, to the way his baby babbling was making way for real words.

They'd spent the entire day with Harry, talking to him, reading to him and showing him photographs of their last few weeks in the 7th year at Hogwarts. Lily insisted they were wasting their time showing Harry the photographs, they wouldn't mean anything to him, but James ignored her. He grabbed the photo albums enthusiastically and pointed at various people, telling Harry who they were.

James and Lily laughed at the memories the photos evoked. There was one in particular they both loved. It showed James and Lily in each other's arms, dancing around the lake at school. Lily smiled as memories overwhelmed her. That photograph was taken on their very last day at Hogwarts. Just an hour or so before, James had proposed, on one knee, at the lakeside.

Harry seemed to enjoy the photos, although, Lily admitted, chuckling to herself, it really wasn't funny when she showed him a photograph of Sirius, and he squealed with delight and yelled 'Dada!' Lily sniggered as James huffed, disgruntled. 'I think you should take that as a compliment, he was much more handsome than you, you know' she said, her eyes twinkling wickedly. James huffed even more, until Lily leaned over and whispered in his ear seductively, 'I would never have trusted him to take me flying though'. James brightened up considerably at that, and spent the rest of the day with a smug smile on his face.

Now Lily was sitting by the fire, waiting for James to come back downstairs. When there was no sign of him, she decided to go and see what he was doing. Harry was normally easy to settle, she couldn't work out what was taking James so long.

Lily climbed the stairs and went to the door of the nursery, which was slightly ajar. She opened it a little and stopped in her tracks. She heard a low voice, talking very softly. It was James and he was leaning a little over Harry's cot. '….you should have seen her son…' he said quietly, his voice expressive, 'she looked gorgeous. No, actually, she looked _beautiful_.'

Lily held her breath and wondered what, or who, James was talking about. He went on speaking, in the same soft, vibrant tones. 'She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life Harry. I couldn't keep my eyes off her.' Lily smothered a gasp. James was clearly talking about a woman.

James continued to talk, believing he was alone with Harry. 'All our friends were there, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Dumbledore, and…well, lots of other people….but the only one I could see was her. She looked like an angel Harry, a beautiful red-haired angel. I couldn't believe she was going to be mine. To be honest, I _still_ can't believe she's mine, mine to keep, mine to love, forever, because I will son. I'll love your Mum forever'.

Lily swallowed a lump in her throat. James was talking to Harry about her! She stood transfixed, by the door of the nursery. She watched James kiss Harry softly and say goodnight. She stared as he suddenly looked up and saw her there. He smiled, and then, waving his wand, he lit a nightlight for Harry, and stepped out of the room, leaving the door ajar.

James moved towards Lily and smiled again. 'How long were you standing there?' he asked. Lily stepped into his arms, and stroked his cheek tenderly. 'Long enough to hear you talking about some woman you appear to be quite keen on' she replied, her eyes shining warmly at him. James held her, his arms around her waist, and looked deeply into her eyes, 'Not just some woman, and not someone I'm_ keen on_. I was telling Harry about _the_ woman I _love_, the mother of my child….my wife'. James clasped Lily tightly to his body and kissed her deeply.

Lily pulled out of James's arms and smiled tenderly. 'I was beginning to worry, I was waiting downstairs for you for ages, so I thought I'd come up and check where you were. I heard you talking to Harry and wondered who you were talking about…it took me ages to figure out you meant me!' She smacked him playfully. James laughed softly. 'Well, who else would I be telling Harry about? I realised when I was putting him to bed, when we had the photos out, we didn't show him any from our wedding. So, I was telling him about it, how beautiful you looked, and how I couldn't believe you were going to be mine'. His voice became low again. 'I told him I still can't believe you're mine'. Lily reached up and kissed him. 'Well I am, so get used to it', she said, a contented smile on her lips.

They turned to go downstairs when James stopped. He turned to Lily again. He seemed almost shy. 'Lily' he said, an uncertain expression on his face. Lily turned her head up to his. 'What is it James?' she asked, he was looking at her oddly. 'Is there something wrong?' James looked anxious, but strangely happy too, his eyes were glowing. 'No…' he swallowed nervously, 'No, there's nothing wrong…' he became hesitant. 'It's just…I don't…..' Lily was worried now, James was starting to sweat. Beads of sweat were gathering on his forehead. 'James are you ill love? Do you need me to get you something, or do something?' She was trying not to panic. James Potter looked straight into his wife's eyes. 'No….no, I'm not ill, I'm fine…I just…'he swallowed hard and then went on. 'Lily…love…what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to go downstairs again tonight…..I want to go to bed, with you'.

Lily's heart missed what she thought must have been half a dozen beats. It felt like it was about to explode, right out of her chest. However, she decided not to push. She wanted James to tell her what he wanted. She knew they had worked through James's fears over their love-making when they were on the run, but she decided to be cautious. She took his hands in hers and found they were shaking a little. 'James, are you telling me you're tired?' she asked, trying as hard as she could to keep her voice steady. James's eyes became wide for an instant before he relaxed and, to Lily's pleasure, smiled. 'No Lily, I'm not saying I'm tired….I'm saying I'd like to go to bed…._with you_' he added, the words heavy with meaning.

Lily couldn't help herself, her eyes filled with tears. She released a strangled sob and rushed at James, holding him tightly. They held each other close, their hearts racing, and then Lily stepped away from him. Looking into his eyes, she took his hand in hers and led him to their bedroom.

Lily and James went to their room and James closed the door softly behind them, releasing Lily's hand as she went into the room and stood at the bottom of their bed. 'Harry's fast asleep, I don't think he'll wake until morning' James said, his voice hardly more than a whisper. Lily nodded, 'No, he sleeps like me, unless he's upset over something, it would probably take an earthquake to wake him!' she smiled brightly.

The couple stood apart, holding each other's gaze. Lily felt the atmosphere in the room become charged. Electricity flowed between the two, heightening the tension. She watched as James swallowed and ran a nervous hand through his hair. As he moved to lower the hand, Lily reached out and took it, 'James, are you absolutely sure you want this?' she asked anxiously. James nodded, 'Yes, I'm sure…..I'm just… a bit nervous' he admitted reluctantly. Lily nodded. 'So am I, it feels a bit like our first time again doesn't it?' James nodded and swallowed again. 'Yes it does' then he smiled ironically, 'there can't be many couples who can say they've had two first times with the same person, can there?'

Lily laughed softly, she felt more relaxed, and James seemed more comfortable too. 'No, I suppose there can't' she replied. Then she looked at him quizzically, 'James, do you remember our first time?' James broke out into a wide smile and then he moved and took Lily into his arms, gazing into her green eyes. 'Of course I do, I remember every detail of that night. I even remember what you were wearing….even though you weren't exactly wearing it for long'. He grinned, his warm hazel eyes bright. Lily blushed softly, 'Well, that's quite a memory you've got there then, isn't it?' Then she had an idea. She eased out of his arms, and went to a drawer. She pulled something out and turned to him again. He watched her intently, not saying a word. Lily felt the intensity of his gaze and took a breath before she could speak. 'I won't be long, I just want to change' she said, seeing a confused expression on her husband's face. James nodded and Lily quickly left the room.

Lily's heart raced. She went to the bathroom and changed into a silk nightgown. It was golden coloured and showed off Lily's slim figure to perfection. It had the tiniest shoulder straps Lily had ever seen. It wasn't especially low; it came to a point at the front where it revealed Lily's slender neck and the top of her chest. Lily was pleased with the effect, and she knew James would be too. She ran her hands through her hair, making sure it flowed over her shoulders. When she was completely happy with the way she looked she turned, and walked steadily back to the bedroom.

James was sitting on the bottom of the bed when Lily came back into the room. When he saw her, he stood and his mouth dropped open in surprise. 'That's what you wore on our wedding night isn't it?' he exclaimed. His eyes were wide, almost out on stalks. Lily beamed with pleasure at his reaction. 'Yes, I'm glad I kept it' she replied, as she moved towards him.

James stared at Lily, his eyes shining with love and pride. She was standing right in front of him now; his body reacted instinctively to her nearness. His heart thundered in his chest. Then, with a sigh he reached for her and she moved swiftly into his arms. He clung to her, feeling her softness against his body. 'Oh Lily, I do love you, I love you so much, I always have' his voice was husky, filled with emotion.

Lily held James close and her fingers went automatically to the hair at the nape of his neck. She delighted in being this close to him again. Her body tingled in response to his closeness. 'I love you James, I'll always love you, I swear' she promised, clinging to him.

They held each other for what seemed like an age, their hearts racing in time with one another. Then James eased away and, casting Lily a look of adoration, he placed his lips on hers. At first it was a soft kiss, almost chaste, then suddenly it seemed to grow and ignite a flame all of its own. James caressed Lily's lips with his own, slowly deepening his kiss, taking his time. She opened her mouth for him, and he explored it, allowing his tongue to taste her. His senses were alive and he thrilled in the sensations flowing through him after so long. Lily grew bolder and edged her tongue into his mouth. They danced together, wanting to taste each other, needing to be closer than ever.

Suddenly James grasped Lily firmly in his arms and picked her up. He looked at her as if asking permission. Lily smiled radiantly and nodded. James carried her to their bed. He placed her down on the open bed and looked down on her as she lay on her back. 'God, Mrs Potter, you _are_ beautiful' he sighed, his hazel eyes burning, absorbing every detail. Lily smiled and reached for him, 'James, come to bed, _please_' she said, her eyes never straying from him. James nodded; he took off his glasses and began to remove his clothes, down to his boxer shorts. Lily watched him intently, her eyes taking him in. She could feel the beating of her heart, hear it clearly. She sensed her insides heating in anticipation.

James went to his side of the bed and climbed in. Lily turned onto her side to face him. James gazed at her, his eyes shining with love. He reached out and stroked her cheek gently, his strong hands caressing the smoothness of her skin. He leaned over and softly kissed her lips before he moved and smiling against her, he dropped feather light kisses over her cheeks, her chin and her eyelids. He smiled lovingly before he shifted himself so he was on top of her, and then his lips were on hers again, gently probing, asking for something.

Lily responded to his kiss, and, moaning in the back of her throat, opened her mouth to let him in again. She nipped his lips and ran her hands through his hair, her soft white fingers contrasting with the darkness of his unruly locks. James moaned deeply and took his lips from hers. He looked down on Lily, his breathing becoming ragged, and then his hands were in her hair. He gently took the deep red strands and spread them out, so they looked like a halo around her head as it rested on the pillow.

Lily watched every move James made, overwhelmed by the tenderness in his hazel eyes. He moved with slow deliberation, as if he was considering everything he did, as if every single move was vital to him.

When he finished with Lily's hair, James kissed her passionately again. When they had to breathe, he took his time and slowly lowered his lips to her jaw. He kissed her where her ear and her lower jaw met. He rejoiced when she tilted her head back and allowed him better access, closing her eyes in ecstasy and sighing in satisfaction. He carried on, dropping kisses along her jaw-line, as Lily reached down and gripped his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin. James gasped at her touch and a flame was lit somewhere inside him. He moved his lips to her chest and Lily opened her eyes wide and shuddered, gripping his shoulders tighter, pulling him to her.

James carried on, his heart racing wildly, his body aching with the need to taste and touch. He allowed his lips to continue over Lily's chest, until they came to where the silk nightgown covered her. They were both breathing rapidly, their breaths coming as short gasps. James looked down on Lily again. He began to slip the nightgown off her shoulders, gradually exposing her perfect skin, which glowed in the soft light of the room. James eased the soft fabric away from Lily's body achingly slowly, as if he was opening a delicate gift. His eyes took in the newly exposed flesh as he lowered the nightgown down her body, revealing her soft creamy breasts and her beautiful feminine form to his worshipping gaze. Lily raised herself to allow him to remove the garment further down her body, moaning as his hands brushed her waist, her hips, her thighs, before they trailed slowly down her legs. James sat up briefly to push the nightgown away from Lily's feet, caressing them, and placing a delicate kiss on the soles of each foot. As suddenly as he was gone, he was with her again, his lips covering hers. He held her to him, 'Lily, my beautiful Lily!' he cried ardently, as their bodies pressed ever closer. Lily gasped with pleasure and yearned for more. She arched her back, and ground her hips against his. She could feel the need echoed in his own body, his eyes burning as they met hers again, 'Please, please James!' she implored earnestly. He responded, and, catching his breath, he reached and slipped Lily's underwear away. She lay completely naked before him.

James revelled in the glorious sight beneath him, her beautiful eyes full of passion, her perfect skin shining with perspiration, her full, soft breasts rising and falling with every breath. He reached out, and raising a hand, he trailed a fingertip languidly around a breast. Lily closed her eyes and allowed the sensations he caused to wash over her. His touch was playing havoc, causing waves of heat to rise through her veins. She gasped as his finger continued to trail around the breast, gradually getting closer and closer to where she wanted him. 'Please James! Oh, please!' she begged, her body trembling with need. She quivered, her nerve endings tingled. She arched her back, pleading for his touch where she needed it most.

James knew Lily was close to losing control; he could feel her trembling against him, could hear her breathing as it came in shuddering gasps. 'Shhh sweetheart, it's all right, it's all right' he soothed. He took his hands away from her body. Lily's eyes popped open; she looked at James, almost weeping with need. 'Why have you….?' She was silenced as James lowered his head and took a nipple into his mouth. He took the rosy bud between his warm lips and passed his tongue over the sensitive tip. He felt his body heat rise as Lily clamped her eyes closed again and threw her head back, moaning loudly. _'James….oh God, James!'_ she whimpered; her heart pumping wildly as she writhed in blissful sensations all over her body. He repeated the movements on the other breast, and Lily was openly trembling when he was done.

When Lily's breathing slowed a little she wrapped her legs around her husband's, then, using her body weight to lever them, she turned him onto his back. His eyes widened in shock, 'Lily…..what…..are….you….?' he struggled to speak as Lily explored him in the way he did her. She kissed him passionately before trailing her lips down, over his neck, she nipped him softly with her teeth, drawing groans of pleasure from his mouth. She smiled as she grazed her tongue over a nipple, making him moan and grind his hips against her.

James was drowning in the waves of desire and love flooding through him. He writhed as Lily's lips and hands carried on, caressing the muscles of his abdomen. 'Oh my God, Lily!' he cried, when she passed her tongue around his bellybutton. She smiled, and carried on. Her hands reached the waistband of his boxer shorts and James gasped. Lily grasped the boxer shorts and with one swift movement pulled them off him, exposing him fully.

Lily met James's eyes, and then, with deliberate slowness, she took him gently into her hands. She stroked him, caressing the hardness of his length with a firm but delicate touch. She watched him close his eyes as his face contorted in bliss. Lily loved him more in that moment than ever before. He was taking pleasure for himself, but giving it in the way he responded to her touch so openly, moaning her name lovingly, arching his body nearer hers, and whimpering as she caressed him. She could see he was fighting to maintain his control over his body's reactions, fighting so as not to ruin her pleasure with a premature response of his own. She loved him for the way he was so thoroughly wrapped up in the feelings she was giving him, caused by a touch she knew he took pleasure from, but never, even during their darkest times when they were on the run, asked for. Now, when they were so happy, Lily offered this gift to him, gave it freely, because she loved him so much.

When James felt his control falling away he took Lily's hands away from his body. She smiled so lovingly at him he could've wept, but he controlled himself, and, kissing her again, turned her on to her back. Their eyes met, and they clung to each other, both short of breath. James steadied himself and looked with adoration into Lily's beautiful eyes, the eyes he'd worshipped for years. 'Oh Lily, I love you, I worship you, you're my whole world!' he cried, his eyes full. Lily cradled him to her, stroking his hair, 'I love you too James, so much!' James looked into her eyes and pressed his lips to hers, then, gently, he entered her. For a moment he stayed perfectly still, feeling her all around him. Then she smiled tenderly at him, 'James, you can move you know, its fine, really'. James was suddenly apprehensive again. 'I just…I don't want to hurt you, that's all'. Lily smiled lovingly, 'James, please, I've told you, I love you, I trust you….I want this, and I know you do too, believe me, I can tell!' she giggled seductively.

James suddenly felt lighter than air, with her love and trust Lily had eased his nerves, and even managed to find the situation funny! He grinned in response to her laughter, then, with a loving look, he moved himself within her. He moved gently at first, as if rediscovering how to pleasure her. Soon Lily was moving with him and they established a glorious rhythm in a dance as old as time.

Lily could feel the sensations building around her. She felt as if she was floating somewhere, carrying James with her to a place she'd forgotten existed. She could see a bright light somewhere in the distance and she arched, reaching for it, screaming James's name and clinging to him as she reached her peak. In an instant James joined her there, wrapping her up in his love for her. He reached a peak of his own and collapsed on top of her, shaking. When he could move, he went to pull out of her, but Lily held him close. Eventually she let him go. He pulled out and then took Lily into his embrace, where they held each other close and slept.


	11. Halloween

**CHAPTER ELEVEN: HALLOWEEN**

Lily woke early on Halloween to the sound of heavy rain slamming against the roof of the cottage. Judging by the level of darkness in the room, she thought there must be quite a storm going on outside. A distant rumble of thunder confirmed this, and Lily snuggled back down in the bed.

She lay in bed, her head resting on James's chest, his arms around her. She lay and listened to his steady breathing and the rhythmic beating of his heart as he slept. Quietly, Lily tilted her head up to look at his face. A smile lingered around his lips. He looked calm and completely at peace with the world. Lily thought she hadn't seen him look so young for ages. Even in sleep, James Potter looked happy.

Lily rested her head on his chest again and smiled as the previous night came back to her. She could still feel the warmth of his kisses and caresses, still hear the low husky voice that told her she was beautiful and expressed his love for her so clearly. She could still see the ecstatic expressions on his face when she touched him. She could still taste his kisses in her mouth, and smell him all over her body.

James stirred in his sleep and opened his eyes. Lily felt him move and turned her head up to see him watching her, sleepily. She smiled, and reached up to kiss him softly. 'Good morning, how are you?' she asked brightly. James kissed her in return, holding her for a moment. 'I'm great, really fantastic, how about you?' he asked, breaking into a wide smile. Lily turned into his arms. 'I'm great, on top of the world' she said, kissing him again.

As they kissed, the memory of the previous night rushed in on James. He remembered how beautiful Lily looked. He remembered every sound she made as they made love. He remembered every kiss, every caress they exchanged. He remembered all the words spoken as they shared their love for each other.

As they lay now, wrapped in each other's arms again, James wondered how he could have ever managed not to make love with her for as long as he did. It wasn't just the physical side of it, even though he knew that played a part, it was the closeness with her, the sharing of something so private, a part of their relationship that was their own. They knew each other intimately, they knew how to touch, where to touch, to give pleasure to the other. Both of them knew instinctively they would never get the same with anyone else, they fitted each other in a way no one else could. But they weren't just compatible sexually. They belonged together. They knew each other so well. They had built a whole life together, started a family, and gone through hell together. James knew their lovemaking the previous night reflected everything they'd been through together, it reflected a love that had survived in the face of tremendous difficulties. It reflected feelings that could never be broken because they not only loved one another, they needed one another desperately.

James moved and gently pulled Lily up, so he could look into her eyes. 'Thank you for last night, you were amazing' he smiled, stroking her cheek lovingly. Lily shivered; his gently touch on her cheek reminding her of the previous night. 'You're very welcome, you were pretty amazing yourself' she sighed, and gently pressed her lips to his.

The rain continued to smash into the cottage as they kissed and another distant rumble of thunder could be heard, but James and Lily were wrapped up in each other again, their lips and bodies pressed firmly together. They began to explore one another again, with hands and mouths, carried along by the passion within them both, and their love, which, momentarily blocked out anything else around them. Lily was held tightly in her husband's arms, on top of him, as his mouth tasted hers, his hands were in her hair, stroking, caressing the thick dark red locks. Then he ran his hands over her shoulder blades, and down her back. Lily moaned at his touch and nuzzled his neck, moving her hands into his own black hair. She ran her tongue over his chest, through the coarse hair, and was rewarded by a gasp. James continued to allow his hands to run down her back, until they reached the softness of her bottom. At this, Lily pressed herself against him, making him moan with pleasure. Lily smiled at her ability to make him react like this. She moved over him, ready to take him within herself, as he reached out and took a breast into his hand, taking its weight in his palm. He placed his lips on the other breast and kissed it, placing soft kisses all over the fullness, before taking the nipple into his mouth. Lily gasped. She was just about to ease him into her body when there was a sudden cry…..

Lily stopped and her head flopped down on James's chest. Both of them were panting. James lay on his back, sweat on his brow. Relaxing the tension in his body, he ran a hand through his hair. 'Our son has such a great sense of timing' he said, a smile in the corners of his mouth. Lily giggled, and turned her head up to face him, 'I know, never mind…we can catch up with this tonight' she beamed at him.

Harry's cries continued, gaining in strength. Lily sighed sat up. 'I'd better go and check on him' she kissed James softly and got off the bed. James watched her move towards the door. She opened it, and he grinned, 'Lily, I wouldn't do that if I were you' he chuckled. Lily turned to him, all the while Harry's cries becoming louder. She rolled her eyes, 'James, I love you, you know I do, but I can't just ignore Harry, he needs me!' she cried. James chuckled again, 'But Lily…' Now Lily glared, facing him again, 'James, now come on, Harry needs me now, don't be silly'. She turned to go out of the room. 'Lily, you're stark naked love', James said, his voice filled with amusement.

Lily Potter stopped in her tracks. Looking down at herself she turned around again. James lay, facing her, his eyes bright with glee. 'I'm enjoying the view immensely, but I think Harry's a bit young to appreciate it, and besides, you _are_ his Mum!' James beamed at Lily, and then he burst out laughing. Lily watched her husband as he rolled around on the bed, laughing fit to burst. Tears of mirth spurted from his eyes.

In spite of herself the corners of Lily's mouth began to twitch. She grabbed her nightgown from where it was pooled on the bedroom floor and put it over her head quickly. She pulled it down her body, covering herself. 'Honestly, you could have told me I had nothing on!' she tried to sound annoyed, but could feel her own laughter building. James gaped incredulously, 'I tried, you were ignoring me!' he snorted in mock outrage and then laughed all the louder. Lily rolled her eyes. She found James's boxer shorts on the floor and threw them at him, smirking. 'Just put some clothes on you!' With a wide smile over her face, Lily turned back to the door to check on her baby boy.

Lily reached Harry's room and found the baby sobbing, standing up in his cot, gripping the rails on the side with all his might. He was red in the face; huge tears flowed from his eyes. 'Oh sweetheart, what's all this for huh?' Lily picked up the baby into her arms and held him close. He rested his head against Lily's chest as she held him, one arm around his body, the other hand in his black hair, which stood up at all angles. 'It's all right sweetheart, Mummy's here now, what's wrong darling?' Harry went on crying, the sobbing making way for whimpers. 'M-mama' he hiccupped, rubbing his face into Lily's chest, and grabbing some loose strands of her hair.

Another rumble of thunder echoed outside as Lily held the baby in her arms. She stroked his back softly, and moved him gently so his chin rested on her shoulder. 'There now, it's all right, Mummy's here' she soothed. 'I bet it was the nasty thunder that woke you up, huh?' she rocked the baby softly as she spoke, rotating her body gently from left to right to comfort him, 'or have you got a wet nappy?' she asked. She patted Harry's bottom where his tiny pyjamas covered his nappy. She smiled knowingly. 'That's what it is, someone's got a wet nappy!' she said animatedly. Harry began to whimper loudly again when Lily put him down on the baby changing mat to change his wet nappy. 'Just a minute poppet, just let Mummy change this nasty nappy and we'll have you more comfortable' Lily cooed, as Harry scrunched his face up and cried louder.

Lily worked as quickly as she could, removing the wet nappy, wiping Harry clean, and putting a dry nappy on, then she put his pyjamas back on properly and took him back into her arms. He went on crying, though more softly when Lily held him close again. 'There, all better now sweetheart, all better' she sighed, stroking his hair again. Gradually Harry's tears began to subside and he settled in Lily's arms. Lily heard his breathing slow and, assuming he had fallen asleep again, went to put him back in his cot. Even though it was raining outside, she knew a lot of the darkness was because of the early hour of the morning. 'There my darling, you go back to sleep and Mummy can go and spend a bit more time with Daddy' she sighed happily.

As soon as Lily turned to leave the room Harry cried out again, 'Mama!' and held his arms out. Lily looked down on him; his bottom lip was wobbling dejectedly. Lily smiled resignedly. 'OK, come on then, let's go and see Daddy, see if he can cheer you up a bit' she said, kissing him softly as she took him back into her arms. As soon as he was in her arms again, the baby stopped crying and cooed contentedly. Lily smiled down on him lovingly and carried him to her own room.

James was dressed in his boxer shorts and standing at the side of the bed when Lily went back to their room. On seeing her, he turned his head towards her and smiled. 'I was just coming to look for you, is everything OK?' he indicated the baby in Lily's arms. Lily nodded 'Everything's fine, Harry had a wet nappy, but I think, more than anything, he just wanted a cuddle with his Mum' she smiled affectionately down on the baby again. James grinned, 'He really does take after me then, doesn't he?' Lily rolled her eyes, and sat on the bed, putting her feet up and getting comfortable with Harry still held in her arms. 'Sorry, it looks like you've had your turn until later; my other man needs me more than you do at the moment' she smiled sweetly. James sighed dramatically and rested a hand on his chest. 'Discarded, cast aside for a younger man!' he swooned and pretended to faint back onto the bed. Lily rolled her eyes again, she looked down on the baby in her arms, 'It's all right darling, we'll just ignore silly Daddy, shall we?' she said wryly. Harry, who was wide awake and looking up at Lily attentively chuckled in response to her voice.

James groaned and put his feet back up on the bed. 'I swear you two gang up on me sometimes' then he leaned over and stroked Harry's hair gently with a finger, he adopted a conspiratorial tone as he talked to his son. 'It's OK, you can take your Mum's side for now, we'll lull her into a false sense of security, that way, when you're bigger she'll never suspect us when we start causing trouble for her!' he beamed down on Harry, who reached out a hand to his father. James chuckled, 'That's right, we'll shake on it!' He took Harry's tiny hand and gently shook it, as if sealing an agreement with him.

Lily laughed. 'Honestly, and you reckon you get ganged up on, what's it going to be like for me when he's older? I'll be outnumbered in a houseful of men!' James suddenly became thoughtful. 'Well there is one way we could solve that' he said, meeting Lily's eyes, 'we could have another baby, maybe try for a little girl….if you'd like, that is' he added quickly, seeing the astonished look on Lily's face.

Lily Potter was rarely ever speechless, but as she sat on the bed with her husband and son, as the rain continued to pour down outside, she realised she was lost for words.

The idea of having another baby hadn't seriously crossed Lily's mind. With the danger of Voldemort, and the effect that had on the three of them, she hadn't given a thought to extending their family. However, the idea of Harry growing up as an only child didn't appeal to her. James was an only child, but he'd had Sirius in his life since he was eleven. They were brothers in all but name. Lily had been close to Petunia, her own sister, until she'd received her letter offering her a place at Hogwarts, so she knew what Harry would miss out on if he was brought up without brothers or sisters. But, like it or not, Voldemort could continue to be a danger, and Lily couldn't help wondering if it was wise to bring another child into the world when all that was keeping them safe was the Fidelius Charm and Peter Pettigrew as their Secret Keeper.

James Potter coughed and startled Lily out of her reverie. 'I think I lost you for a minute there love, was it really that bad an idea?' he looked anxiously at his wife. Lily smiled to reassure him, 'No, it wasn't a bad idea, it was just a bit of a shock' she admitted. James nodded, 'I know, but what do you think, do you want more kids one day?' he arched his brows as he asked the question, looking into Lily's eyes. Lily sighed, 'But what about Voldemort? What about the danger?' she asked quickly, an anxious frown on her face.

James turned his eyes down to Harry in his mother's arms as he spoke. 'I know, there's always that, but now we've got the charm in place I think we're OK. It seems to me that as long as Wormtail keeps his mouth shut we'll be fine. I know he'd never betray us. He knows what Sirius would do to him if he did, and then there's the fact that it wouldn't cross his mind to let us down. He just isn't bright enough…believe me, I know'. James grinned as Lily slapped him playfully. 'That's not nice!' she said, frowning as if she was annoyed at him, before her face cracked into a smile. James eyes sparkled, 'It may not be nice, but it's true!' he exclaimed, fending off another slap. Then Lily's face fell. 'But is it right to have another child? I mean, I know the charm is there, but can we live under it forever?' Lily was uncertain. James met her unsteady gaze with a confident expression. 'I think we can, yes. I honestly think we're safe. I admit, up until this week I didn't want to think about the future, I was scared to, but now it really feels like we're going to be OK to get on with our lives.' James went on assuredly. 'Believe me, I wouldn't even think of us having another baby if I thought for one minute we wouldn't be safe, there is no way in the world I'd risk you and Harry, or any other kids we might have.'

Lily considered what James was saying. She thought about the week they'd spent back at the cottage and how much good it had done them all. She agreed with James, the charm was working. She realised they both felt safer, and were more certain of Harry's safety than they had been since the nightmare with Voldemort had begun. She was sure that as the weeks passed, they would continue to feel secure, until their darkest times were nothing but a memory. She realised James was right; maybe they would be all right now. Maybe it was time to start looking towards the future, and if another baby was part of that…..

Lily turned towards James, a light smile on her face. 'James, do you really want us to have another baby, or is this just some wild idea you've had?' James swallowed, 'Well, I admit, before last night I wouldn't have thought of it' he grinned lovingly at Lily, 'but I really do think we're safe to get on with our lives, and I don't really like the thought of Harry being an only child…and I'd love another baby with you, you're a great Mum to Harry, and I know you'd be a fantastic Mum to another baby, and….' James went on, his words flowing fast and furious.

Lily looked at James benevolently, 'James, have you quite finished?' she beamed at him, before raising a hand and stroking his cheek tenderly. James nodded dumbly, caught by surprise when she interrupted his outpouring. 'Well then, if you're absolutely sure, I'd love to have another baby….' Lily was cut off as James reached up and clamped his lips on hers, earning himself a disgruntled grunt from Harry as his father nearly squashed him in his haste. James pulled away and beamed ecstatically. 'You won't regret this, I promise you. I'll help you more next time than I did with Harry when he was newborn. I'll change her nappies and bath her, and read her stories and….'

Lily shook her head, laughing softly. 'James, I'm not even pregnant yet! What's all this _'her'_ business?' James winked and gave Lily a smug smile. 'Well if you remember, _I_ told you before Harry was born he was going to be a boy…' Lily smirked, 'Only because you and Sirius had bets on it! I still reckon you bribed them at St Mungo's to find out what the sex was before he was born, even though you insisted you didn't want to know because _'it would spoil the surprise'_. Lily's eyes were bright with laughter.

James was astonished, 'How did you know Sirius and I had bets on….' His voice faded out in shock. Then he beamed, 'Oh, never mind!' He continued doggedly. 'Our second baby _will_ be a girl, you mark my words….you'd like a little sister, wouldn't you Harry?' James turned his attention to his son.

Harry responded by ignoring his father altogether. While his parents were planning the future of their family, their firstborn had fallen asleep, wrapped in his mother's comforting embrace.

The rest of that Halloween continued in much the same way as it started. The thunder soon passed over, but the rain continued, hammering against the cottage, and creating enormous puddles in the garden. The laden skies seemed to be pressing down on the cottage, covering it in a dank layer of wetness. Every now and then a strong gust of wind would blow, making the windows of the cottage creak ominously.

The miserable weather seemed to match the mood of the youngest member of the Potter household. While James and Lily were bright and cheerful, having talked about their future lives together, their son spent most of the day crying or whimpering piteously. Harry was happy enough when either Lily or James held him in their arms, but if, for any reason, they went to put him down, he cried so much they immediately picked him up again.

After Harry's fifth outburst of tears, Lily was at a loss. She handed the baby over to James, who took him and held him up over his shoulder, Harry's head nestling against his father's cheek. 'See if you can cheer him up, I just can't figure out what's wrong with him' Lily was on the verge of tears herself, she hated it when Harry cried and she couldn't do anything for him. James held the baby close, stroking his back. He immediately stopped crying again. 'You don't think he's coming down with something do you? He's never normally clingy like this' James said, continuing to stroke Harry's back soothingly. Lily shook her head, 'No, I don't think he's ill, he's not hot or anything' she reached up as she spoke and put a hand to Harry's head as he rested against his father. James smiled lightly, 'Well then, it can't be anything to worry about can it? Maybe he's just fed up today; after all, we all have 'off days', don't we?' Lily nodded, unconvinced. 'Yes, I suppose that could be it, but it's just so strange, I mean, he was really upset this morning when I went in to him, so I brought him into bed with us, but I thought once he was awake properly he'd be happier. I know it sounds mad, but it's as if he's frightened of something'. James smiled again, 'Lily he's a fifteen month old baby, what on earth could he have to be frightened of?' Lily shook her head. Harry's unusual behaviour was making her feel uneasy. 'I don't know, but I wish I did', she sighed heavily.

Harry Potter spent most of that day being passed between his parents. In the end, they gave up trying to put him down anywhere. From crying, the baby progressed to screaming loudly if he wasn't being held.

The Potters had planned to spend the day doing things to celebrate Halloween, but with Harry the way he was, they were more concerned with him. 'I'll get up early in the morning and do the stuff for his fifteen months party' said Lily in frustration, after abandoning an attempt to make a lantern from a pumpkin. James slipped a comforting arm around his wife as she stood in the kitchen, Harry in her arms again. 'Don't worry, we can celebrate Halloween next time, let's just get through today and just hope Harry's brighter tomorrow…and if he isn't, we can hand him over to Sirius for a bit…he won't mind Harry screaming at him, most of the girls at Hogwarts screamed at him at one time or another, so he's used to it!' James grinned wickedly.

Lily looked up at her husband and laughed softly as Harry became quiet again. 'I'm glad you said _most_ of the girls at Hogwarts' said Lily, 'I'll have you know, I never screamed at Sirius at any point of our education'. James smirked ironically, 'No, I remember. You didn't scream at him…_you_ screamed at me'. Lily shook her head, her eyes bright with suppressed laughter. 'Well, you deserved it; you were really annoying in those days'. James grinned, 'Oh, so I'm not annoying now, is that it?' Lily sniggered, 'Let me just say you're not as annoying as you were then….._most_ of the time'. James smiled at Lily and kissed her softly. 'I'm glad you noticed' he said, his voice warm. Lily laughed, 'Now now, don't start! I've got Harry in my arms'. James grinned, 'OK, but can I swap places with Harry later?' Lily looked up into James's deep hazel eyes. They held each other's gaze for one long moment. Then they both burst out laughing and exchanged a tender kiss, their son held between them.

Night fell and the rain that had marred the day suddenly cleared. The skies were starlit and peaceful at last. 'I bet Sirius is glad it's dried up, he's going to check on Wormtail tonight' said James, as he looked out at the weather, pulling the curtains in the living room open a little to see outside.

Lily had just returned from checking on Harry, who was now fast asleep in his cot, looking angelic. Knowing how he'd been all day, Lily decided to keep Harry up until he'd fallen asleep. Then she quietly went upstairs and put him in his cot, creeping out of the room when he was settled, for fear of waking him and having him realise he was alone. She'd been back upstairs twice to check on him, and still he slept peacefully. 'I hope Harry's in a better mood tomorrow' Lily said, coming to the living room window where James was still looking out. 'I still don't know what was wrong with him, but he's out like a light up there' she raised her eyes upwards. James smiled affectionately, 'I'm not surprised, he's probably worn himself out.' James moved away from the window as he spoke, and sat down on the rug in front of the fire, Lily sat at his side, her back to the fireplace, facing James. 'I'm sure he'll be fine for tomorrow, he probably just needs a good sleep' said James, reaching up and stroking Lily's cheek softly.

The couple fell into an easy silence. They were sitting in the living room dressed in their night things. A silk robe covered Lily's nightgown, while James was in pyjama bottoms and a robe. Only the logs, as they crackled in the fireplace, made any sound. James sat watching the flames intently, deep in thought, before he turned to Lily. He took her hand gently. Lily looked at him, and waited. She knew him well enough to know he wanted to say something.

James swallowed and then he spoke. 'Do you have any idea how much I love you?' he asked, meeting Lily's eyes with his own. Lily sighed, and reaching out, covered his hand, which held one of hers so gently, with her free hand. She smiled broadly, 'Oh, I think I have an idea….you showed me quite well last night'. A light smile appeared at the corners of James's mouth, but then he became serious, almost solemn, again. 'No, I mean it….you….you mean everything to me Lily. I don't think you realise how much'. Lily swallowed a lump that was rising in the back of her throat. 'Well go on, tell me then, I'm all ears' she said, blinking a few times to clear her eyes.

The couple moved so that they both sat sideways on to the fireplace, facing each other. The flames reflected in Lily's hair, making it shine vividly. James caught his breathe as he looked at her. Even after knowing her for so long, he was still mesmerised by her beauty. He took her hand in his again and then he spoke, running a distracted finger over her wedding ring, the ring that meant so much to him because it once belonged to his own mother who was murdered, with his father, by the Deatheaters.

'I know at school I was a nuisance, teasing you, pulling pranks, hexing people and stuff, but you do know, I was deadly serious about you, don't you?' Lily smiled lovingly, 'Well, I didn't know at the time, but I found out eventually'. James laughed, 'Yes, well, it took ages to convince you, that's for sure!' The two sat, memories of their time at school rushing to the forefront of their minds.

James caressed Lily's wedding ring again as he went on speaking, his voice warm and filled with emotion. 'Do you know when I realised I was going to marry you?' he asked, his eyes met Lily's quizzically. Lily shook her head, 'No, but I would imagine it was a couple of minutes after I accepted your proposal'. James shook his head and smiled, 'No, it was when I saw you in the Great Hall at the feast on our first night at Hogwarts'. Lily's mouth fell open in astonishment, and then she grinned, 'James, don't be silly, we were eleven years old, how could you have known then?' she raised her eyebrows at him sceptically. James grinned at her reaction. 'I don't know how I knew, all I know is that I saw you, noticed how scared you looked, and how pretty you were…' Lily smacked him bashfully and blushed, but James ignored her '…..and I told Sirius I'd just seen the girl I was going to marry' he said firmly. Lily smiled, 'You're not telling me Sirius actually believed you, are you? James shrugged, 'I don't know what Sirius thought. He grunted something at me, but he was more bothered about the feast than the fact that I'd just seen the woman of my dreams. He was eating at the time, and you know as well as I do what Sirius is like when he's eating!' James beamed and Lily giggled.

James became solemn again. 'I know I made an idiot of myself that first year, and I know I was a cocky little devil, but all I wanted was you to notice me'. Lily smiled ironically, 'Well, I _did_ notice you, I mean, it wasn't as if you gave me any choice, was it?' James eyes glowed in the firelight, catching on to Lily's meaning straight away. 'If that's your way of reminding me of pushing you in the lake….' Lily's eyes flashed with mock annoyance. 'Well, you did push me in!' she cried. James shook his head, 'Now come on, I told you that wasn't my fault' he said innocently. Lily laughed deprecatingly, 'Oh yes, I remember now….something about Sirius pushing you and you landing on me, as I recall' Lily's eyes shone in amusement. 'At least I helped you out of the lake before the giant squid could get you' James defended himself, as Lily poked fun at him.

James eyes became bright with the recollection of another memory. 'Do you remember the second year? You had to stay in school that year for Christmas didn't you?' Lily nodded, 'Yes, Petunia was ill with the flu, and Mum and Dad didn't want me to catch it, so I stayed at Hogwarts'. 'So, do you remember our….er…snow-fight?' James beamed mischievously. Lily groaned, 'If by snow-fight you mean the day you dropped that snowball down the front of my robes, yes, I do remember it, thanks very much!' James laughed at the look of indignation on Lily's face. 'I don't know what you're looking like that for, _you_ made the situation worse that day, not me!' Lily rolled her eyes, smothering the urge to laugh. 'It was your fault, you…you confused me!' 'Ha!' James smirked, '_I_ confused _you_!' he cried teasingly, he threw his head back and laughed, earning himself a glare from his wife, who was blushing profusely. James went on, a smug grin on his face. 'All I did was offer to help you remove it'. Lily smacked him on the arm, hard. 'Well there we are! You should've made your meaning clearer!' James smirked provocatively, his eyes shining with amusement. 'What? I would've thought it was obvious for a girl as intelligent as you, I was asking you if you needed my help with the snowball…..not that I minded you asking if I was offering to help you remove the snowball or your robe….' His eyes misted over wickedly, and he winked seductively, which earned him yet another slap from Lily, who was cringing in embarrassment. 'Yes, well, your reply wasn't exactly your most original line was it?' Lily mocked, she met James's gaze _'both if you like, will you go out with me?_' they chorused, laughing.

Their laughter faded and James suddenly became thoughtful again. 'Do you know when I realised I was in love with you, that what I felt wasn't some stupid crush?' Lily didn't speak, she shook her head. James sighed, 'In the third year….the year I drove you mad following you around'. Lily stared in astonishment. 'But that was the year I thought you were making fun of me! I thought you were teasing me, or worse, trying to scare me….I thought you'd become some sort of crazy stalker!' James groaned, 'I know what you thought, I mean, you yelled at me often enough when you caught me watching you'. Lily sighed, 'Well you were a nuisance, I mean, you hardly ever left me alone. I swear, that year the only place I had any peace from you was in the girls toilets. I knew you couldn't follow me in there.' James grinned cheekily. 'Well just be glad I didn't get my invisibility cloak until we were in the fifth year, or I might have followed you in there too!' Lily smirked, 'Yes, I bet you would've done!'

James and Lily exchanged memories of their early days at Hogwarts, the many arguments and fights they'd had, the times James did something outrageous to attract Lily's attention, and the times when she rebuffed his attempts to get her to go out with him. They joked and laughed, argued and teased, caught up in their memories.

After a long while and many shared reminiscences, James became solemn. Lily saw his change of mood and knew what he was going to talk about next. Instinctively she took his hands and held them tightly. He sighed heavily, 'I was just thinking about the seventh year' he said quietly. Lily nodded, 'I know…..' she sighed, allowing him space to go on. James looked down at the soft white hands that held his rough hands so tightly and sighed. 'I can still see my Mum's face when I told her I was Head Boy' he whispered, his eyes filled with sadness. 'She was so proud of me, she actually cried'. Lily felt her own tears rising and swallowed hard. James went on, an ironic smile on his lips. 'Personally I thought Dumbledore had gone mad, absolutely stark staring crazy!' Lily smiled lightly, 'I wish you'd told me that at the time, I would've been able to say I agreed with you on something'. James chuckled, 'Very funny Mrs Potter, very funny!' Lily smiled innocently, 'Yes, I thought so!'

James shook his head, and went on. 'I couldn't believe it when you said you were Head Girl…Sirius still swears Dumbledore did it deliberately you know'. Lily nodded, 'I know, and to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised. You know what Dumbledore's like. He probably thought we'd be good for each other or something'. James smirked 'He probably thought you'd be a good influence on me'. Lily laughed dryly, 'I doubt very much Dumbledore considered me a miracle worker James'.

James Potter arched his brows and gaped, but said nothing. Instead, he shook his head and changed the subject. 'You know, that day in Potions, I really thought you'd had it with me, that I'd blown any chance of being with you, all because of a stupid accident'. He sighed as he spoke and stared down at Lily's hands as they held his. 'If it hadn't been for McGonagall, I don't know what would've happened'. 'What about McGonagall?' Lily asked quietly. James raised his head and looked into Lily's eyes, smiling reminiscently. 'Well, do you remember, I told you McGonagall was the one who told me to leave you alone after our…er…after I….' he struggled to find the words he wanted. Lily rolled her eyes, 'You mean after you yelled at me when I screamed at you and humiliated you in front of everyone?' James smirked ironically, 'Well I wouldn't put it quite like that, but that is the general idea, yes'. Lily sighed, 'Yes, I remember, but you didn't need to leave me alone really. If you'd just told me how you felt about me sooner, none of it would've happened'.

James arched his brows quizzically, 'Are you saying if I'd said I love you in the third year, you would've gone out with me?' Lily opened her mouth to say something and then appeared to change her mind. 'Well….probably not, no' she admitted. James smiled tenderly, 'No, I didn't think so and quite right too' he said brightly. Lily looked at him in surprise, startled by his unexpected remark. 'What do you mean, quite right too?' James laughed lightly at the confused look on his wife's face. 'Well, I was an idiot, wasn't I? Messing about, showing off and all that…I'm not surprised you were sick of me...I would've been if I was you' he added thoughtfully. 'McGonagall told me I'd never let you see the real me, I was always doing stupid stuff to impress you. She reckoned the only way I stood a chance was to leave you alone, so I did'.

Lily thought about what James said, memories of that time in the forefront of her mind. She vividly recalled the day when James made a silly mistake in Potions, which injured Professor Slughorn, albeit temporarily. She remembered how she'd yelled at James and how he'd eventually yelled back, telling her he loved her, before storming off. Later that night, before patrol, he'd announced he would be leaving her alone in future. He didn't know that revealing his feelings to Lily so honestly, when he wasn't messing around, made her realise her own feelings towards him. He began to avoid Lily as much as he could over the next few weeks, and then something happened that changed everything for them both.

James stared down at Lily's hands again, brushing her wedding ring softly. 'You know, a lot of those days after Mum and Dad died are still blurry. I remember everything that happened before, me teasing you on the train on the way to school, and you kicking me when I told you your legs are stunning…they still are, by the way' he added flirtatiously, earning a raised eyebrow and a smirk from his wife. 'I remember us arguing after Potions….and I remember a letter Mum sent me on the day she and Dad….' In spite of himself, James swallowed hard. Lily reached forward and took him into her arms. He sighed heavily as Lily held him, 'I'm all right, really. It's just thinking about it again, it makes it all seem new somehow….I keep telling myself they don't feel as far away any more, and it's true, they don't, but talking about it brings it back, and makes me remember how lonely I was. I felt as if I'd lost you as well as them you know'.

Lily nodded, her head resting gently on James's shoulder as she held him. 'I know, I felt exactly the same…I remember seeing you and feeling so terrible for you. I just didn't know what to do for the best. I mean, it wasn't as if we were on speaking terms was it? I thought if I spoke to you, you'd turn me away or tell me to get lost, and I knew I'd never cope with that….thank God Sirius asked me to come and see you'. James eased out of Lily's arms, but he kept hold of her hands. He smiled lovingly, 'Yes, thank God…Lily if you hadn't come that day, I don't know what I would've done….' Lily sighed, 'I was scared at first, I wanted to see you, but didn't know how to do it. Sirius was in a state. He reckoned I could make a difference to you, so I came'. James reached out and stroked Lily's cheek, 'Yes, and you did make a difference to me. You saved me Lily, and you went on saving me. I couldn't believe it when you told me you loved me…it was like everything I'd ever wanted was there for the taking'. Lily swallowed hard on the tears that she could feel in the back of her throat. 'Yes, well, you took some convincing that day, that's for sure!' she smiled at him, tears in her eyes. James sighed and caressed Lily's cheek again. 'Well, what can I say, I was an idiot…but I did love you….I _do_ love you' he corrected firmly.

James pulled Lily into his arms again and held her as he spoke. 'I thought my life couldn't be any happier, but when you agreed to marry me, you proved me wrong'. Lily giggled against him, 'What? Even if I made you propose on your knee?' James laughed and squeezed her tightly, 'Yes, even if you did make me propose on my knee…' Lily giggled again, 'I still wish you could've seen the look on your face when I told you about that tradition, you looked like someone had swiped your favourite broom!' 'Well, it's a ridiculous tradition, as if asking wasn't scary enough I had to concentrate on balancing as well! Standing on one knee isn't as easy as sitting on a broom!' James replied, nuzzling Lily's neck. Lily sighed contentedly as she held James close to her, his lips brushing the skin of her neck softly. 'I hope you think it was worth it' she whispered in his ear. 'Oh, I definitely think it was worth it' he moaned before he pulled Lily closer still and pressed his lips to hers. He kissed her deeply, inhaling her scent as he held her. He ran his hands over her back and into her long red hair. After a long breathless moment they pulled away, gazing into each other's eyes.

James cleared his throat before he could talk again. 'I don't think I'll ever forget our wedding day. I knew way before then I'd never want anyone else, but seeing you in that church, walking towards me, looking so beautiful, God I felt like the luckiest man alive' James voice was low and wistful. Lily smiled tenderly, 'I felt lucky too. I had a man who loved me, who I knew would be totally faithful and just accept me for what I am, imperfections and all'. James shook his head. 'You haven't got any imperfections my love. I think that's my department' he said meaningfully. Lily frowned, 'James, I keep telling you, I'm not perfect, I never was'. Now James gazed at Lily with adoration, his eyes shining. 'You _are_ perfect, you're perfect for me'. Lily blinked back a few more tears. 'Honestly, you seem determined to make me cry tonight!' she swallowed hard. James sighed, 'No, I'm not, I'm just trying to tell you how much I love you' he said earnestly.

Lily swallowed again and James went on. 'Like I said, you saved me Lily. If it wasn't for you I know I would've gone on being that arrogant, self centred bully you hated so much, I…' he was interrupted as Lily grabbed his hands tightly and looked into his eyes. 'James, I never hated you, not really.' James snorted in disbelief, but Lily shook her head assuredly. 'No, I mean it. I hated some of the things you did, but I swear, even when you hexed people for no reason, drove me mad, teased me and stalked me, I never hated you. I could get as mad as hell with you, especially when you hexed people, but I never hated you, not even for a second'.

James beamed as if Lily had handed him a precious jewel. 'Thank you, I'm not proud of the way I used to behave. I know I was a show-off. I used to think I was just confident, but looking back, God I was such a pain!' He pulled a face and Lily laughed. 'I wouldn't dream of arguing with you, mainly because you're right!' she sniggered. James rolled his eyes, 'Sometimes you're actually _allowed_ to disagree with me you know!' he frowned while his eyes glowed with love. Lily smiled in response to the look of mock dismay on her husband's face. 'Why would I disagree, you're absolutely right…and more to the point, you're _still_ a pain'. James mouth fell open into an astonished gape, making Lily laugh. 'But you needn't worry, you may be a pain, but you're _my_ pain' she said fondly. James beamed again, 'Well that's all right then, I think I can live with that' he sighed contentedly.

James shifted himself and lay on his back on the rug in front of the fire, pulling Lily down beside him. She lay on her side, her head against James's chest, one of his arms around her. 'I still think it's amazing we're married and have a baby' he said, looking down on Lily. She smiled against his chest. 'I know, so do I' she admitted, then she became serious. 'I know a lot has happened, what with Voldemort and everything, but you don't regret having Harry do you?' she asked tentatively. Lily suddenly felt herself being grasped tightly and pulled over, so she lay on top of her husband. He looked deeply into her eyes. 'No, I don't regret having Harry, he's fantastic' James swelled with pride at the thought of his son. He smiled at Lily as he held her gaze. 'Besides, he's part of us isn't he?' Lily nodded, 'Yes, of course he is. I just wonder sometimes if you ever wished we'd had more time on our own before he was born'. James sighed, 'Well I suppose it would've been nice, but then again, if I hadn't been so stupid about Remus, we might never have argued like that and then we wouldn't have had to make up, would we?' his face broke into a wicked grin as he spoke. Lily's eyes shone as she lay and looked down on her grinning husband. 'I don't know, personally I quite enjoyed that particular make up session' she said provocatively. James laughed, his whole body shaking, 'I must remember to tell Harry one day, he was conceived after we had a row, I wonder what he'll make of that?' Lily grinned, 'Oh I don't know, he'll probably think we were sex crazed or something.'

James sniggered, 'Well let's be honest, we were when we first got married….do you remember that afternoon on the kitchen floor?' Lily blushed at the memory. 'Yes, yes I do, it was pretty difficult to forget….it took me ages to get that cake mix out of my hair you know.' James looked at the serious expression on his wife's face and burst out laughing. 'I'm sorry! Next time I'll be more careful about where I put you down…or I'll wash your hair for you!' Lily beamed, 'Not to worry, it was fun, but seducing me when I was in the middle of making a cake probably wasn't your best idea. As I recall, that's why we ended up on the floor. We started off on the table, until you knocked the mixing bowel over and it went over my hair…and as for what you did with the sugar….!' They exchanged a meaningful glance and then both James and Lily burst out laughing, their bodies rocking together.

James suddenly stopped laughing and gazed up at Lily again, cradling her face tenderly in his hands. They both became silent, the fire continued to crackle softly in the grate, but otherwise their corner of the world was perfectly peaceful. Lily caught her breath at the look of adoration on her husband's face. 'I know things haven't been easy for us. I know I hurt you when I thought something was going on between you and Remus' James said, distracting Lily's attempt to interrupt with a brief kiss. 'I know we've had it rough because of Voldemort, but I want you to know, through all of it, I never stopped loving you Lily. Even when we've argued and been distant with each other, I might have been afraid of losing you, but I never, ever stopped loving you. I know our love life went down the pan for a while…' James stroked Lily's cheek tenderly when she went to speak again, '…but even if we'd never made love again, even if you'd never let me touch you again, I swear, it wouldn't have made any difference. I love you with every fibre of my being Lily. You're my life; you're part of my heart and soul. I've loved you all my life, and I promise, whatever happens, I'll go on loving you, forever'.

By the time James had finished speaking Lily was in tears. She made no attempt to hold them back or cover them; she let them fall, unrestrainedly, down her face. '_Oh, James!_' she wept, 'I love you, really I do. I know I can be moody sometimes, and I can be cruel to you….I'll never forgive myself for what I said to you last week at that flat…' James sighed, shaking his head firmly, 'Now look, I know you didn't mean it, we were both stressed and upset, it…' Lily silenced him with a kiss before going on, her tears still falling. 'No, let me say this' she waited and James nodded, allowing her to go on. 'I've never regretted any of our time together. It hasn't been easy, especially when we were so frightened for Harry, but through all of it, I knew I could cope as long as we were together. As for Remus, you just made a mistake, but I hope you know now I would never want Remus or any other man. No one else could ever take your place James. I couldn't love anyone else even half as much as I love you'.

The night lay silently around James and Lily as they lay in each other's arms in front of the fire. They held each other tightly, gazing in each other's eyes, hardly breathing.

Suddenly Lily reached down and pressed her lips firmly to her husband's. James responded immediately and clasped Lily tighter in his arms, swiftly turning so she was underneath him. Lily moaned softly as James kissed her lips, coaxing her to open her mouth for him. She did, and they explored each other, their tongues clashing together, seeming to draw them closer. James eased his lips from Lily's and began to plant tender kisses down the column of her throat, the two moaning in unison as Lily arched her body even closer to his. Soon James reached down and untied the knot in the belt of Lily's silk robe and opened it. He allowed his hands to wander over her face, down her neck, his touch gentle and tender. He sighed heavily as his hand brushed a breast softly over her nightgown, making Lily moan and arch her back passionately. Breathing heavily, James looked down on his wife, his eyes glowing in the firelight. 'I want you Lily' he whispered fervently. Lily's eyes widened in spite of the rush of sensations James was causing inside her as he caressed her with his hands and lips, she stared at him incredulously. 'What, here?' she asked breathlessly, 'wouldn't you prefer it if we went to bed?' James shook his head quickly, 'No, I don't think I'd make it love, I want you now, please?' Lily beamed with pleasure, responding to the questioning plea in her husband's voice. 'Well it's a while since we've made love in front of the fire isn't it?' she said, looking into James's glowing eyes. He nodded, 'Yes, the only other time was the first night we spent here after we got back from our honeymoon'. Lily smiled happily, 'That really _is_ quite a memory you've got there Potter' she moved her body sensuously over his, making him moan in the back of his throat, 'so come here and show me what else you remember from that night' she said seductively. James grinned wickedly before he took Lily in his arms again and began to kiss her. Lily moaned softly when James began to slip Lily's nightgown lower, pulling it over her shoulders and down her arms.

James was about to slip the nightgown from Lily when his body froze. So caught up in what he was doing, Lily was startled when he suddenly stopped. 'James, what is it?' she asked anxiously. James didn't reply, he sat up and covered Lily again, before he rose to his feet quickly. In an instant he was standing in front of the living room window, the curtain open just a tiny fraction. Without knowing why, Lily suddenly felt afraid. 'James, please, you're scaring me, what is it?' she demanded fearfully. James head turned as he looked one way and then the other, through the window. 'I heard something, something outside' he replied, trying to keep calm. He went on looking out and then his breath caught in the back of his throat. He felt his heart racing in his chest, 'Oh my God….' He gasped, feeling the colour drain from his face.

Lily stood behind her husband and tried to see out through the window, but she couldn't. Hearing James sound scared frightened Lily more than anything. 'James, come on, move so I can see what it is. It's probably nothing' she said, trying to convince both of them. She jumped when James swiftly turned, his eyes wide with terror and his face deathly white.

The peace in the room was suddenly transformed to utter pandemonium. James opened his mouth. 'Lily, take Harry and go! It's Him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off…' he yelled, grasping Lily and attempting to drag her from the room. Lily stared at him in bewilderment. 'James, what are you doing, why are you looking so scared, why are you shouting?' she demanded, trying to remove herself from her husband's terrified hold, her heart thumping wildly. James ignored her and practically carried Lily halfway across the room, his hands shaking, sweat appearing on his brow. 'James! For goodness sake, put me down and tell me what is going on here, you'll wake the baby!' Lily cried, trying to push James away. James stopped in his tracks at the living room door. He looked down on Lily and then he spoke, his voice a fast, panic-stricken whisper. 'Now listen! Voldemort is here, he's outside Lily! Any minute now he'll be here, I need you to go upstairs, get the baby and get out of here, I….'

Now Lily glared angrily, her heart pumping. 'James I don't know what this is, but it isn't funny, you're frightening me!' she cried. James groaned loudly, 'Look Lily, I'm not fooling around, this is deadly serious! Wormtail was the spy all along, he was our Secret Keeper and he must have betrayed us! You have to get out of here now! Take Harry and get out of here, go to Sirius, tell him I sent you, tell him Wormtail was the spy and tell him I said to take you to Dumbledore, he'll help you from there, but you have to go _now_ Lily!' James's voice was rising in his panic, his words tumbling out of his mouth one after another.

Lily stared at her husband in disbelief. She wanted to believe he was joking, that this was his idea of livening up their Halloween. However, as she looked at his panic-stricken face she knew the truth. Comprehension swept through Lily, filling her with icy terror. 'Oh my God….! James, what are we going to do? Harry….!' Lily was becoming hysterical; she stepped from one foot to the other as fear overtook her senses. 'We have to get out James…. all of us, we have to go, get out of here…! Yes, that's it….. We can go…we need to get Harry and we can all go to Dumbledore!' she panted, her eyes full of fear. 'We just need to get Harry and get to Dumbledore…we'll be fine…nothing will hurt us if we just keep calm and get to….'

James's face set into a rigid line. He grasped hold of Lily as she went on, ranting hysterically, 'LILY!' he yelled, shaking her slightly. Lily closed her mouth abruptly, a shocked gasp escaping her when James shouted. 'Now just listen! You know as well as I do, Harry needs you to get him out! I have to stay to hold Voldemort off, to give you time! Lily you have to do this! You need to get Harry out now! We're wasting time, please, just go!'

Lily burst into tears and tried to hold on to her husband, 'James, please, we can all go! Please, don't do this, we can all get out and go to Sirius together! If we go now, this minute, we'll be fine!' Terror was coursing through Lily's veins. James shook his head firmly. 'We can't Lily, this has to stop now. If we all go together, Voldemort will just keep coming after Harry and it'll never be over. I can't do that Lily, I couldn't live with the thought that I had the chance to get rid of Voldemort and I just ran. If I did and then we lost Harry to him, I couldn't live with myself.'

James was beginning to feel strangely calm. He sensed the urgency of the situation and realised he had to get Lily to leave with Harry if they were to stand a chance, but he knew somehow, he wasn't afraid for himself any more. He knew what was going to happen. James knew he would fight to live, but if he was meant to die, he would accept it, as long as Lily and Harry were safe.

Lily sobbed and gripped James frantically, her arms tight around his neck. 'Oh please James! Please, don't do this! I can't leave you James, I can't! Please, James I'm begging you, please don't make me…' James fought to control his own emotions as he faced Lily, her beautiful emerald eyes filled with fear, tears flowing down her face. He took a deep breath and forced her arms away from his neck. Lily was immediately wide eyed and tried to hold on to him again. 'James! Please, don't push me away! Don't make me go, please James! I can't go without you, please James, I'm frightened!'

James sighed heavily and instantly grasped Lily into his arms. She sobbed uncontrollably against him, her whole body shaking. James held her tightly and swallowed down his own tears. 'Now listen' he said softly, 'We both know Harry needs us to take care of him. Lily he's a baby, a defenceless baby, if we don't do something Voldemort will be here and he'll be after Harry. Lily, come on, you promised me you'd take Harry and get out of here if this ever happened. Come on love, be brave for me. Don't let Harry down, not when he needs you so much'. Lily sobbed harder, 'But James, please, he needs _you_ as well! We both need _you_! James sighed desperately. 'You say you need me now, but Lily, you know as well as I do, if Harry died, and you knew I could've done something to save him, you'd end up hating me…' Lily moved to deny James's words, but James carried on. 'You _would_ hate me Lily, you know you would!' he cried, desperate to make her see sense.

With every passing second James knew Voldemort must be getting closer. He sighed deeply again, tears welling up in his hazel eyes. He eased out of Lily's arms. Lily didn't fight with him, she stood, wide eyed, hands clamped over her mouth, sobs racking her body. James went on, every word hurting him, 'Listen, I told you, whatever happens, I'll never stop loving you…I'll love both of you forever. If the worst happens…' Lily opened her mouth to speak, tears cascading down her face, but James went on, '_If_ the worst happens and I don't make it, I trust you to do whatever it takes to keep Harry alive. Just remember, I'll always love you and wherever I am, I'll always be with you Lily, I'll never leave you alone' his voice was steady and reasonable, despite the tears in his eyes. 'Now go on, go upstairs, get Harry and then come down and go out through the kitchen, through the back door and once you're away, apparate to Sirius. Don't worry about me. Just get to Sirius as quickly as you can and tell him to take you to Dumbledore. If I make it, I'll meet you at Hogwarts'.

Lily realised any further attempt to plead with James was futile. She backed away from him, still sobbing, as she moved towards the living room door. 'I love you James, I'll always love you!' she sobbed not taking her eyes from him. 'I love you too sweetheart, now go on, turn around and go to Harry, he needs his Mum' he said, his own tears beginning to fall as Lily walked away, still staring at him fixedly. Lily sighed heavily, tears almost blinding her. 'I love you' she mouthed silently. She saw James nod and smile tenderly at her, before she forced herself to turn her back on him.

Lily stumbled from the living room, tears and pain dragging at her, preventing her from seeing or thinking clearly. She sensed James watching her, and she knew she couldn't look back, if she did, she knew she would never be able to leave him. Lily reached the hallway. She started to walk on shaking legs up the stairs. She climbed the first flight and turned to climb the second, out of sight of the living room and the front door when suddenly there was an explosion.


	12. Fight For Life

**CHAPTER TWELVE: FIGHT FOR LIFE**

The explosion shook the entire cottage. It was accompanied by a crash, a sound of breaking timber and glass, and a sudden cold draught sweeping through the whole building. Lily stood halfway up the stairs, steadying herself by clinging to the banister, as the vibrations from the explosion died away. She stood at the bottom of the second flight of stairs, trembling, listening for any sound from below. Above her she could here Harry beginning to whimper, clearly startled by the strange noises in the house in the middle of the night. Lily tried to make herself go to her son, but she couldn't move. She was transfixed, trying to listen for James's familiar voice. Lily could just make out the clock on the mantelpiece in the living room striking midnight as the last echoes of the explosion passed.

James Potter watched his wife walk out of the living room, both of them crying. He pushed away an urge to go after her, take her in his arms, get their son and get away as quickly as possible. He knew he couldn't do that, not if Harry was going to stand half a chance. He kept his eyes on Lily's back as long as he could, mentally pleading with her to go faster, not only to save their son, but also to ease the pain he felt at having to watch her go. He watched her walk away from him, sobbing. James tried to wipe away his own tears, but they just wouldn't stop. As he watched Lily, her dark red hair, one of the first things that had drawn him to her at school, floating thickly over her shoulders, James knew he would probably never see her or their son again. He sighed deeply as Lily started to climb the stairs and move out of sight. 'Goodbye my love' he whispered, tears flowing from his eyes.

The realisation that Peter Pettigrew had betrayed him and his family suddenly hit James like lightening. A wave of anger rushed over him, making his blood boil. Rage and indignation coursed through James. He remembered all the times at Hogwarts he and Sirius had looked after Pettigrew, shielded him from things, because they thought he needed to be looked after. He remembered how they always thought Pettigrew wasn't very bright and felt sorry for him. Now he had repaid that by betraying his friends. James felt so angry he was nauseous.

James suddenly realised that only the four of them, himself, Lily, Sirius and Peter, knew Pettigrew was their Secret Keeper. Even Dumbledore thought James and Lily had used Sirius. James knew as he stood, waiting for whatever was to come, if he died, if his family died, Sirius would be considered to be responsible. People would think Sirius Black had betrayed his closest friends, and led them to their deaths. James found himself praying that whatever happened, Sirius could find a way to explain to Dumbledore what they had done and why. He prayed his friend would forgive him for not telling Dumbledore what they had done. He prayed that it was a mistake that Sirius would be able to put right.

James was lost in his thoughts when an explosion rocked the cottage. He heard the sound of breaking glass and smashing timbers. Without thinking about it, he rushed from the living room, grabbing his wand on the way. He felt a rush of cold air in the hallway and saw the front door had been smashed off its hinges, allowing the cold night air into the cottage. James looked out into the night and caught his breath sharply. Voldemort, the darkest wizard who ever lived was walking into the cottage.

James stood and stared at the older man who seemed to be strolling almost casually into the cottage. He took in the appearance of someone who strongly resembled a snake. He had the same pointed head and slits for eyes. James was revolted. He had seen Voldemort before; he had been confronted by this creature three times. As James looked at Voldemort, it wasn't his ugly appearance that horrified him so much; it was the calm, sedate way he moved, while his eyes held a wild, triumphant, glow. James sensed that Voldemort was sure he would get what he wanted that night, and wouldn't give in until he had. Fury rose up inside James Potter. He knew that what Voldemort had come for was Harry, his baby son, his and Lily's child. He knew that whatever happened, he wouldn't let Voldemort take Harry, even if he had to die stopping him.

Voldemort stepped into the hallway and cast James Potter a contemptuous glare. 'Potter, how rude of you to forget to welcome me to your…._humble_ home' he sneered scornfully. James stood tall, anger whipping at his insides, 'Get out of my house!' he yelled, 'Get out now! There's nothing here for you!' Voldemort laughed, a cackle of sinister, high pitched laughter echoed around the hallway. He shook his head, all the time that laugh growing louder. Voldemort stopped laughing abruptly and moved further into the cottage. 'Oh, but I disagree' he said, sarcasm evident in his tone, 'You're here, and…' his eyes swivelled around, taking in the room, 'where is that redhead of yours, your little Mudblood?' James instinctively pointed his wand, filled with the deepest loathing. 'Don't you dare call my wife that vile name, my wife's a Muggleborn, do you hear? She's a Muggleborn witch, and worth a million of you!' James was shaking in fury, his wand hand trembling visibly. Voldemort screamed with laughter. 'Oh my dear Potter! How very loyal you are! You rush to the defence of your worthless little wife, even though you know in marrying her, you ruined your Pureblood line! How noble, how very commendable!' he mocked, his slit-like eyes glinting.

Voldemort seemed to observe James carefully, almost as if he was inspecting him. James met the dark wizard's penetrating gaze unflinchingly. 'It really is a shame you ruined yourself Potter' Voldemort sighed, 'You would have made the most remarkable Deatheater'. James's stomach turned involuntarily. 'Never, I've told you before, I don't care what you do to me, even if you torture me, I'll never turn to you! I'd rather die!' Voldemort smirked, 'Well now, that can be arranged, but not yet! I haven't come for you really, I've come for your son, so hand over the boy calmly and I might just consider leaving you and your wife alone…_for now_'.

Voldemort's voice was low and eerily casual, as if he was discussing the weather. The calmness in his tone ignited James Potter's rage further. He stepped closer to Voldemort, his wand pointed at the older wizard. James laughed derisively, 'You know, the thing that I find really funny is the way you and your henchmen lord it over people! You parade about, threatening people, and all the time you're terrified of one tiny little boy! God, you really are a pathetic, sad old man aren't you?' he scorned, his face contorting in disgust.

Voldemort shook his head, anger flooding his snake-like features. 'Now come along Potter, you don't need to make this hard for yourself! All you need to do is hand over the child, or better yet, tell me where he is and I can take him and go, you really don't want to pick another fight with me, do you?' Voldemort's slit-like eyes narrowed further, making him look more evil than ever. James gripped his outstretched wand tighter and stared at the vile creature before him. 'I don't care, you can do whatever you like, but you'll never take my son while I'm able to stop you!' he cried, his hazel eyes burning with fury. Voldemort seemed to sigh, his shoulders dropped. 'Very well Potter, but just remember you asked for this, this is entirely your own fault' he stated flatly. James knew in an instant what was coming when Voldemort stretched out his wand. 'Expelliarmus!' James cried, pointing his own wand, but it wasn't fast enough. Even before he had opened his mouth to speak Voldemort had mouthed a curse. James held his breath as one word pierced through the space between the two men, 'CRUCIO!' Voldemort screamed malevolently.

James Potter was hit by the worst pain he had ever felt. He had been hit by the Cruciatus Curse before, the last time nearly killed him, but this was worse, much worse. James struggled to stay on his feet as the pain tore through him, making him feel as if his skin was being ripped away from his body. James refused to scream, wouldn't cry out as the pain gripped him. It felt like his internal organs were on fire, exploding inside him in the heat of agony rushing through him. James willed himself to stay upright, knowing that if he fell, Voldemort would seize his opportunity and attempt to get at Harry. The desire to keep his son alive gave James the will to hold on, in spite of the torment of the pain. As his body began to convulse in agony, James refused to drop his gaze from Voldemort. Even when his breathing constricted he wouldn't drop his wand or take his eyes off the creature in front of him. After a few more moments of intense staring James felt the pain falling away. Panting, he made himself stand properly as his muscles eased. Voldemort sneered. 'I did warn you Potter, you would be well advised to do as I ask next time, unless of course you actually like pain'. James glowered madly, 'Go to hell… arsehole!' he yelled, catching his breath.

James recovered from the effect of the Cruciatus Curse. He soon realised that he was still standing in the hallway with Voldemort, effectively trapping Lily and Harry inside the cottage! James was furious with himself. 'How could you be so bloody stupid!' he ranted mentally. 'The idea was getting them out, not trapping them in here!' James watched Voldemort intently; he slowly began to walk backwards, towards the living room. Voldemort smirked. 'That's right Potter, you've remembered your manners at last!' He followed James, he obviously assumed the young man was giving in and leading him to Harry.

James kept walking, his steps slow and steady. As they went inside the living room Voldemort eyed the room suspiciously. 'Where's the boy Potter?' he demanded. 'I don't know what you're talking about' James replied lightly, covering up his amusement at Voldemort's confusion. Voldemort's face twisted in anger, 'Now Potter, don't be a silly boy, you know what I can do if you don't do as I ask, now where is your son?' James glared, meeting Voldemort's furious gaze with his own angry eyes. 'I'll never hand my son over, so you might as well just go away, or do your worst, either way, I don't care. You'll never get your hands on my son, so just give it up'.

Voldemort groaned in impatience. 'You really are a stupid boy aren't you Potter? You're so obviously like your parents…your _dead_ parents.' He smiled menacingly as James stepped forward at the mention of his parents. He raised his wand, shaking with rage. 'You leave my parents out of this! Your henchmen killed them, they held them captive for hours just to torment the hell out of them, and when they'd had their fun they killed them!' Voldemort sneered in contempt. 'Oh believe me Potter, my _henchmen_ as you call them, found nothing funny in how your parents died! They died screaming, pleading to be allowed to live! I believe your mother was particularly fond of you! One of my followers offered to come and fetch you from Hogwarts, so you could all die together, but your mother said she would rather die herself than allow you to be killed….so, naturally, she was granted her wish…._eventually_. Your father died when he tried to help your mother, stupid man!' Voldemort's face filled with derision.

Voldemort's words cut through James like a knife. He struggled to remain on his feet as his legs weakened beneath him in shock. He could hardly see for the wave of hate that rushed through him like a red mist in front of his eyes. 'You unbelievable bastard!' he yelled, loathing for this creature flooding his veins. 'You pathetic, sadistic, cowardly bastard!' Voldemort's eyes widened, 'Really Potter, such language, and your wife and child in the house as well…I presume they are in the house Potter?' he asked, his tone relaxed and even, as if he had just called in to visit the family and was asking after Lily and Harry out of politeness. James remained determined, 'I've already told you, I will never hand my son over! I don't care what you do to me!'

Voldemort sighed and shook his head impatiently, his face contorted in frustration. 'Now come along Potter, don't be so hasty! Think about what your stubbornness could mean! Think about what I could do to you, what I could to your wife and son if you resist me!' Voldemort's voice was rising dangerously; James could see the vile thing in front of him beginning to lose control. He realised he had to play for time, to be sure Lily was away with Harry in safety. He glowered contemptuously, 'That's exactly your style, threatening a woman and baby! You really are just a pathetic old man, throwing a tantrum because you can't get your own way! My son's more mature than you!' James laughed scornfully.

Voldemort seemed to swell with anger, 'I'm warning you Potter, don't make me angry!' James smirked, 'Why? What are you going to do? Are you going to hex me, or hit me with the Cruciatus curse again? Well go on then, do it! I couldn't care less!' An evil smile crossed Voldemort's lips, 'Why Potter, I see you've lost none of your arrogance! Maybe you need something to concentrate your mind just a little….CRUCIO!' Voldemort was shaking with fury as he threw the curse.

James moved to block the curse, but it was too late. Once again he found himself consumed with white hot pain. He threw his head back and arched his whole body amid the torrent of agony that seeped through his skin, twisted his muscles and ripped through his bones. He tried to hold on to his wand, but it fell out of his hand, hitting the carpeted floor with a thud. James felt like his insides were on fire, he gasped and moaned over and over, stifling the urge to scream out his anguish. His whole body twisted in agony, James fought to remain standing, using all his will to stay on his feet, however, Voldemort renewed the curse, and James was consumed again, he fell to his hands and knees, staring wildly at the man standing above him, who looked so calm and peaceful amid the younger man's pain.

The agony went on, shooting through James's whole body. He gritted his teeth to prevent himself crying out. He tried to focus outside himself, attempting to push the pain away with his mind. He made himself think of Lily and Harry; he hoped they were out of the house now, and safe with Sirius. He hoped Sirius wouldn't get any idea of coming and trying to help him, he hoped Sirius would concentrate on keeping Lily and Harry safe and get them to Dumbledore as soon as possible.

After more long agonising minutes, James found the pain surrounding him dying away. He stood, on his hands and knees, panting as if he'd run for miles. Voldemort glared down on him menacingly, 'There, are you ready to give up now Potter?' he demanded, his red eyes blazing in rage. 'All you need to do is tell me where the child is and I can go, I don't know why you seem so determined to anger me!' James fought to catch his breath, 'I'll never….never….give in….never give up my son…so leave us… alone!' James stood as he spoke, drawing himself up to his full height. He met Voldemort's eyes and stared into them, his back ramrod straight, he stood tall and proud. Then, reacting like lightening he grabbed his wand into his hand and pointed it between Voldemort's eyes, rage and indignation contorting his handsome features. 'Stupefy!' he cried, only for Voldemort to flick his wand and block the curse effortlessly. James sneered, moving around the room, never letting his wand drop or his gaze shift from Voldemort's eyes. 'Oh come on! You can do better than that! The least you could do is fight back!' he yelled scornfully. Voldemort laughed, his cackle of sinister laughter echoed around the room. 'You really are an amusing boy Potter! Why would I want to fight with you, you couldn't possibly be a match for me!' James drew his wand up again and glared, 'No, I suppose not! Innocent women and babies are more your style, aren't they!' James shook with temper and yelled another curse, which Voldemort blocked with an easy flick of his wand. James tried again; his curse was stopped before it reached its intended target.

Voldemort blocked James again and again, the curses flying around the room, smashing anything in their path. The room was filled with the sound of breaking glass as pictures and ornaments broke. A sudden draught permeated through the room, extinguishing the fire in the grate, consuming the living room in darkness. James flicked his wand and the room was lit again, but just as the light came back, Voldemort shoved James and he lost his balance, tumbling onto the floor, right in front of the living room door.

James rose speedily. Seeing the open door he filled the space with his body as fast as he could, his Quidditch reflexes coming into play. He raised his wand again and once again he was blocked. Voldemort moved closer to James, oozing malevolence, while his voice was steady and calm. 'As you can see Potter, you are, as I said, no match for me, so now I will give you one last chance, will you hand over your son?' James stared unflinchingly into Voldemort's evil eyes, 'Never!' he yelled in steely defiance. Voldemort looked almost sad, his shoulders drooped and he sighed, 'Very well then Potter, you offer me no alternative…' and before James could offer any resistance, Voldemort raised his wand. 'Avada Kedavra!' he screamed.

James Potter watched as a stream of green light burst from Voldemort's wand. Time appeared to stand still as the light moved towards him, apparently in slow motion, yet he still didn't have time to respond or feel afraid. James Potter's last thought, before the light hit him square in the chest, was for his wife and son. The last word to cross his lips as the light struck his body was one agonised cry for the woman he always knew he would willingly give his life for. '_LILY_!' James Potter screamed, and then the light threw his body to the ground.

For a moment the house seemed to fall into a eerie silence, then, from another part of the house a piercing scream rang out, and minutes later a shrill cry of '_NOOOOO_!' filled the air. Voldemort cackled triumphantly and then, ensuring he stepped on James Potter's lifeless body, the hazel eyes still wide open and blankly staring, he left the room to find more victims.


	13. Love Conquers All

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN: LOVE CONQUERS ALL**

Lily Potter stood on the bottom of the last few stairs that would take her to her son. She tried desperately to make herself move. She could hear Harry whimpering on his room, but try as she might, Lily was rooted to the spot, straining to hear the sounds below. Lily continued to sob helplessly, though she held her hand over her mouth to muffle the sound. Lily knew Harry's safety relied on Voldemort not knowing where he was. Lily fought the rising terror within her and remained silent.

Lily couldn't see what was happening downstairs, but soon she could hear raised voices coming from the hallway. Lily's stomach turned when she realised one voice was Voldemort. She knew she should be moving, she should be getting to Harry, Voldemort was obviously downstairs, demanding to know where the baby was! Lily's heart leapt when she heard James arguing with Voldemort, telling him to get out, refusing to give in, refusing to hand over the baby, whatever the cost. Love and pride crashed over Lily, mixed with fear. She felt proud of James for standing up to Voldemort so bravely, but she was terrified of the risk he was taking. Lily knew Voldemort could kill with just a flick of his wand, or a word.

Lily had to stifle an urge to rush back downstairs and fight alongside her husband. She shivered violently, smothering her sobs when she heard the word 'CRUCIO' yelled by a voice she knew didn't belong to James. She could picture James in agony, struggling to stay on his feet proudly, while his body filled with agonising pain. Lily realised she could hear no screams, weeping harder she felt another rush of love and pride for her husband. Even in the midst of his agony, he was refusing to back down, just as he'd done before. Several minutes later Lily heard James swear loudly at Voldemort and she had to cling to the banister tighter. Relief that he was still all right overwhelmed her, making her feel faint.

In time Lily heard the voices again, and then they became quieter, as if they were further away. The muffled sounds of the voices rose periodically, James was clearly standing up to Voldemort, refusing steadfastly to give in. Lily listened intently trying to absorb every distant sound, clinging to every sound she heard from James, taking it as a sign he was still with her.

Soon Lily heard James's voice rise dramatically. He was clearly furious. Lily flinched when she heard him use a word she'd never heard from him before. For some strange reason, Lily thought of times in the past when she would've been angry at James for using the word in the wrong context. Lily took his using the word now as a sign that something had angered him and his temper was rising. She prayed that he wouldn't let it get out of control, that he wouldn't place himself in greater danger. Then Lily shuddered at herself. The thought of James in a room alone with Voldemort flooded her mind. She realised that he couldn't possibly _be_ in greater danger, regardless of his ability to control his temper.

Lily went on listening. She heard James and Voldemort talking again, arguing, Voldemort's voice clearly becoming angrier by the second. She heard James arguing, clearly provoking Voldemort's rage further. Then Lily gasped as she heard Voldemort yell 'CRUCIO!' again, screaming out the curse violently. Lily felt a wave of nausea flow through her. She knew from the tone of the curse Voldemort was mad with fury. Lily wept when she heard James moan in pain, she sobbed, struggling to hold back her grief as she heard him moan again and again. Lily knew James must be in agony. Once again she gripped the banister to prevent herself running to his side. The sound of James moaning seemed to go on forever, then, just when it seemed to stop Lily heard Voldemort renew the curse, drawing more moans out of his agonised victim.

Now Lily was furious. She shook with temper, her whole body having to fight to stop herself running and taking on Voldemort herself. She couldn't bear the sounds James was making, each moan echoing in Lily's mind all the more because she could tell he was struggling not to scream with the pain. Lily knew now as never before, she hated Voldemort more than she'd ever hated anyone in her life. As she stood, tears flowing from her eyes, Lily wanted to kill Voldemort. She wanted to make him feel the pain James was feeling. She wanted him to feel the fear she and James had felt for so long.

Lily thought of someone else. Peter Pettigrew burst into her mind. Her husband's friend, who had appeared so unworldly and innocent, and yet Lily had never really trusted him. However, Lily struggled to absorb the fact that Pettigrew had betrayed them. She wondered what they could have done to make Pettigrew hate them so much that he could want Harry, an innocent baby, dead. The truth seemed to mock Lily as it dawned on her. Pettigrew had betrayed James and Lily in order to be part of a group he thought would look after him. The consequences of that wouldn't have even crossed his mind. Lily remembered how, even at school, Pettigrew followed James and Sirius around and hero-worshipped them. Lily realised now that a lot of that was because James and Sirius were such superior wizards. Pettigrew remained in the background, sheltered by his friends, basking in their reflected glory. Lily couldn't help wondering what Voldemort had promised Pettigrew in return for betraying his friends and whether he would deliver on any promise.

Eventually Lily realised James had stopped moaning. Her legs wobbled as she waited for further signs that he was all right. Soon she heard the sounds of glass smashing and curses being yelled rapidly. Lily sobbed harder when she realised she could still hear James. He was still fighting. Lily continued to hear crashes and bangs and smashing sounds as curses were knocked back and forth.

Soon Lily heard voices again. Voldemort's voice was low and hard to make out, James's louder, clearly defiant. Then she faintly heard Voldemort speak again in a calm tone. Lily wasn't expecting the scream when it came. She jumped out of her skin as she heard Voldemort use a curse. 'Avada Kedavra!' rang out, and Lily swayed violently on the stairs as her world crashed around her. Then Lily heard another sound, an anguished cry of one word. Lily heard James scream her name, and then there was silence as Lily's heart shattered inside her. Without seeing it with her own eyes, Lily knew what had happened. James, Lily's handsome 21 year old husband, the love of her life, the father of her son, was dead. As if to confirm it, Lily heard a thud. She knew straight away it was James's body hitting the floor.

Lily stood trembling in shock, her mind trying to absorb the fact on the one hand, while she fought it with the other. She argued with herself that James was all right, he had to be all right; he promised he would be! She told herself that it couldn't be true; they had made plans to have another baby. James couldn't possibly die and lose out on that! She argued that James would never leave her alone; he loved her too much to leave her! As soon as that thought struck Lily, the truth descended on her. She felt as if an ice cold hand had gripped her shattered heart. She felt something inside her die. Without seeing his body, Lily knew the truth. James was dead, he was gone forever and she was alone.

Terror began to sweep through Lily as she realised the terrible truth. As she stood on the stairs she knew she wasn't afraid for herself because of Voldemort. She knew she wasn't even afraid for Harry any more. Lily knew she would do whatever it took to keep Harry alive, even if she had to die. It was this thought that made Lily realise what she was afraid of. Lily Potter knew she was terrified of _not_ dying that night. She was afraid of a life without James.

The thought of never being with James again, never being able to talk and laugh with him, never hearing his voice talk to Harry with such joy, filled Lily with agony. Lily knew that she would never again be held in James's arms, she would never feel his touch again, never have him hold her hand, caress her, or make love to her ever again. She would never again hear him say her name, making it sound like something he held sacred. She would never feel his love, ever again. Lily knew that if she survived the night she would spend the rest of her life alone, she would never be able to be with anyone else. The only man she would ever love was dead.

The truth hit Lily. She felt the terror inside her grow, she felt as if she was going to suffocate with it. She gasped for air as the cottage seemed to shrink for a moment around her. Then, when Lily's lungs were full with air again, the panic rose, higher than ever. Without thinking about the consequences, Lily knew she couldn't keep the pain inside her any more. She couldn't, _wouldn't_ bear it. Lily Potter opened her mouth and, with all her strength, she screamed. The scream echoed through the cottage, piercing through the building like a hot knife through butter.

When the scream began to fade, Lily felt a fresh wave of agony smash into her. Images of James rushed in on her. She could see him the night he took her flying for the first time at school. She could see him kissing her in their private common room on the night she admitted she loved him. Lily could see James on one knee by the lake at Hogwarts, proposing to her. She could see him waiting for her at the church on their wedding day, his eyes full of love. She could see him holding Harry in his arms for the first time, tears of joy flowing from his eyes. Lily could see James with her held in his arms each time he made love to her, his gaze reverential and his touch worshipping, showing the strength of his love.

Suddenly, in her mind, Lily could see James's lifeless body. She could see his once vibrant eyes, eyes which reflected his feelings so clearly, now wide open and staring, though they would never see anything again. Lily could see his body, see it stretched out, and absolutely still, never again able to get up and do the things he wanted, never again able to press against Lily so passionately while his mouth whispered words of his deep love. Lily could see James's arms lying rigidly at his side, never again able to embrace his wife or hold his son.

A fresh burst of anguish tore through Lily, making her feel as if her skin was being ripped off. Lily knew she couldn't bear the pain any more, she wouldn't take it. Her mind argued that she _had_ to accept it, there was nothing else to do, but Lily wouldn't hear the truth. She pushed it away, fought against it, argued with it as horror swept through her. Once again Lily Potter opened her mouth. She released one, long, shrill cry._ 'NOOOOO_!'

Lily stood on the stairs of the cottage, her agony overwhelming her. She sobbed relentlessly, her mind unable to take in her terrible loss. Suddenly a movement caught Lily's eye. She glanced around and panic rushed in on her as she took in Voldemort below her, halfway up the short first flight of stairs, just in view of where Lily was standing. 'Ah, there you are, Potter's little Mudblood bride, or rather Potter's Mudblood _widow_!' Voldemort cried scornfully.

On hearing Voldemort's words Lily gasped. Suddenly something seemed to click inside her. It was if James was standing beside her again. Lily was tempted to turn around, convinced that if she did, James would be there with her. Lily could suddenly hear James's voice clearly in her head. 'Come on love, move yourself, Harry needs you now!' Heeding the voice, Lily ran. She quickly climbed the last few stairs and turned into Harry's nursery, her heart pounding in her chest.

When Lily reached the nursery she hastily slammed the door behind herself, shutting herself in the room with her son. Harry was lying whimpering in his cot, clearly confused by the strange noises in the house. He began to cry loudly at when the nursery door slammed shut. Lily quickly reached over to him, tears still filling her eyes. 'Shh darling, it's all right, Mummy's here sweetheart, you need to be quiet Harry!' she whispered frantically. She stroked Harry's cheek in a desperate attempt to soothe him. Harry refused to be calmed. Instead, his cries became louder and increasingly shrill. Lily picked him up instinctively, almost blinded by tears. 'Shh, darling please, please be quiet Harry, Mummy needs you to be quiet sweetheart!' she whispered, holding the baby to her body, desperate to get Harry to be quiet so Voldemort wouldn't find him.

A few moments later the baby became silent, almost as if he sensed Lily's urgency. Lily held him tightly to her in one arm and reached for her wand with the other. Icy panic gripped her when she realised her wand must still be downstairs! She looked down on her son in dismay. 'Oh Harry, Mummy's sorry darling, Mummy's so sorry!' she cried, cradling Harry as tightly to herself as she could. 'Mummy's so stupid, leaving her wand downstairs, Daddy will be….Daddy _would_ be so cross, wouldn't he darling' Lily corrected herself as the realisation dawned again that James was gone.

Lily looked around the room. She knew Voldemort must be getting closer to finding them with each passing second. A heavy chair in the corner of the room caught Lily's eye. She immediately knew what to do. Holding Harry in one arm, she used all her strength to drag the chair in front of the nursery door, and then she tilted it back a little so the back of the chair came underneath the door handle, blocking the handle from turning if the door was opened from the other side. Relief overwhelmed Lily when she realised there was no way the door would open. Harry was safe…for now.

Lily looked down on the baby in her arms. Pain gripped her as she looked down and saw his features, so much like his father. His messy black hair, his nose, his hands, each feature reminded Lily vividly of her husband. 'You're going to be so like your Dad Harry' Lily sighed, still crying softly. 'You're going to look so much like him…I bet you'll even play Quidditch one day like your Dad did…and maybe one day a redhead will fall for you like I fell for…oh Harry!' A fresh wave of agony swept through Lily's heart. She tried desperately to quell her crying for fear that Harry would become upset and Voldemort would hear them. She continued to gaze down on her son. 'Your Dad loved you very much darling, always remember that. Your Dad loved both of us so much!' Harry seemed to sigh softly as Lily talked to him, her voice determined. 'Dad died to keep us both safe sweetheart, and I promise you, whatever happens, you'll survive tonight, I won't let anyone hurt you Harry, not ever!' Lily's love for her son crashed over her powerfully, she knew now that she would find the strength to do whatever it took to keep him alive, she knew James would expect nothing less of her.

Suddenly Lily heard footsteps from behind the nursery door. She caught her breath when she heard a voice. 'Don't be a silly girl Mrs Potter, you can't hide from me forever, show yourself!' Lily rocked Harry back and forth in her arms, desperate to keep him quiet. She jumped out of her skin when Voldemort rattled the nursery door, shaking the heavy chair that rested against it, blocking it. Lily's startled reaction must have scared the baby, before she could do anything, Harry was crying loudly again. Lily tried to soothe him, but it was too late, though Harry's crying stopped, Voldemort was rattling the nursery door violently again. Swiftly, Lily turned and put the baby down in his cot, she stroked his cheek. 'I'm sorry darling, I love you, I'll always love you Harry!' she said, crying passionately, tears running down her face. 'Mum and Dad love you so much Harry, we'll never leave you alone!' she cried, just as the nursery door crashed wide open, sending the heavy chair resting against it flying across the room.

Voldemort burst into Harry's nursery, his eyes shining triumphantly. 'Ah, there you are!' he cried, stepping into the room. Lily steeled herself against Voldemort's malevolent gaze. She stood resolutely in front of Harry's cot, her arms outstretched and her hands gripping the rail on the cot-side as tightly as she could. 'Leave my son alone, he's nothing to you!' Voldemort laughed scornfully, 'Oh, but that's where you're wrong Mudblood, your son is very important to me, very important indeed….which is why he has to die tonight, just like your _dear_ husband'.

Lily felt a rush of anger when Voldemort mentioned James. She fought to hold it down, desperate to keep control of what was happening. However, Voldemort seemed to sense he had hit a raw nerve. He smirked evilly. 'I'm sure you heard your husband when he died, you must have heard him screaming your name. I have to wonder why you wouldn't be with him in his last moments, why you chose your son over your husband. You clearly didn't love him as much as he loved you!' Lily struggled not to respond. She knew she would be playing directly into Voldemort's hands if she lost her temper. Voldemort sneered maliciously, 'You left your husband alone to suffer the terrible agony I inflicted on him, you left him to go through horrific pain, and then you left him alone to die…oh yes, you really must have loved him so much!'

Lily couldn't help it any more. She was furious. 'Don't you dare speak about my husband or my son!' she raged, her eyes wide with temper. 'My husband was a good, decent, loving man and you….you killed….' Lily shook with anger and disgust, unable to express her feelings and keep control of herself. She wanted to reach out and tear Voldemort limb from limb, but she knew if she moved, Harry would be in danger.

Voldemort stepped further into the room, his wand raised and his voice eerily calm. 'Your husband was weak Mudblood! He wouldn't see how I could've looked after him, how I could've made your son great…no, instead he chose _you_, he stuck to you, ruined himself on a Mudblood, so his death is entirely your fault, you killed your husband and now you're going to give me your son, aren't you?'

Lily gripped the side of Harry's cot harder. She stared into Voldemort's red eyes in determination. 'No, I'll never give up my son to you! I'll never let you take him from me, never!' she cried purposefully. Voldemort shook his head, 'Don't be silly girl, you heard what happened to your husband when he tried to resist me! Stand aside now, let me do what I came to do and then I'll leave you alone…I'm not interested in you, you're nothing, but your son has to die, so stand aside now and let me get it over with!' Voldemort was becoming angrier by the second as Lily stood firm, refusing to move from Harry's side.

Lily continued to stare into Voldemort's eyes. She wouldn't let her gaze fall from his. 'Isn't it enough for you that you've taken my husband from me without taking my child as well?' she demanded, her eyes wide. Voldemort laughed viciously, 'You really think your husband mattered to me?' he sneered, 'You really think I care that very soon, when your son is dead, you'll be alone?' Voldemort raised his brows mockingly, 'You and your husband are nothing to me! All I want is your son out of my way, so stand aside now and let me do what I came to do!' Lily stood firm in spite of fear for Harry leaping inside her. She knew Voldemort was not going to give up easily. 'No, I've already told you, I'll never let you take my son away from me, so just leave us alone!' she cried, edging closer to the cot.

Voldemort's face twisted in rage. 'I'm warning you girl, stand aside now and I won't hurt you!' Lily stood firm, her heart racing in her chest as Voldemort moved closer to her. 'No, leave my son alone! You'll never take my son from me, so leave him alone!' Voldemort smiled nastily, 'You really think you standing guard over your son will stop me getting what I want?' he demanded, his voice laden with sarcasm. Lily gripped the cot tighter, her knuckles turning white as she gripped with all her strength. 'You'll never get at my son, I'll never leave him to you, so just give up and go away!' she yelled, fear and anger rising inside her.

Voldemort smirked, 'Ah, you underestimate me Mudblood! You think I can be prevented from getting at your son by you standing between us, but you're mistaken!' He laughed malevolently, and then Lily saw him flick his wand. Lily turned slightly and saw her son's tiny body beginning to rise from his cot. He was already floating about an inch in the air. Terror rose inside Lily, she knew she had to keep Harry alive no matter what. Turning back to Voldemort she knew she was powerless without her wand. All she could do was beg, plead for Harry to be spared.

Standing directly in front of Voldemort, Lily opened her mouth, her eyes wide with fear, 'Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!' she begged, focusing on Voldemort, while also trying to watch Harry as the dark wizard used his wand to drag the child towards him. Lily edged closer to Voldemort, directly in front of his wand. Voldemort glowered menacingly, trying to push Lily out of the way, as she broke the connection between the wand and her baby. Harry's tiny body was still not much higher than an inch above his cot. He dropped back down onto his soft bedding with a thud. 'Stand aside you silly girl, you won't stop me getting what I want in the end, so stand aside, now! Stand aside now and I'll spare you, hinder me and I will be forced to kill you, or use other means to force you to do as I say!'

Lily continued to stand in front of Voldemort's wand, she stared at its tip, as if she could beg with it directly for her son's life; she could feel her desperation rising inside her. 'Not Harry! Not Harry! Please, I'll do anything, please, don't hurt my baby!' Lily pleaded, the only thought in her mind for her son's safety.

Voldemort was shaking with fury as he stared at the Muggleborn witch who was openly defying his will. 'Stand aside, stand aside girl, I came here to kill the child and there's nothing you can do to stop me! Your miserable husband defied me and I killed him, so unless you want the same fate, stand aside now!'

Hope flared inside Lily. Somehow she sensed that if she could just hold on a little longer, Harry would make it. Lily no longer cared for her own life. She knew she had nothing without James, so she knew she could hold her ground and give Harry a chance. Lily didn't think to question what Voldemort would do to Harry if she was out of his way. The feeling that Harry would live if she just held on gathered strength inside her, forcing out any other thoughts.

Lily spoke, at the same time she pushed all thoughts out of her head, except for thoughts of her son. She thought of the bond she felt with him from the moment she knew she was pregnant, she thought of the rush of love that overwhelmed her when she first held him in her arms. She thought of all the times she and James had spent with the baby, loving him, nurturing him, watching him grow into a healthy, happy baby boy, despite everything the family had been through.

Lily thought of how James had shielded her and Harry, desperate to give them a chance to escape, he had sacrificed himself. Now Lily knew it was her turn to do the same. She stood tall and looked Voldemort straight in the eyes. 'Not Harry, please not Harry, take me, kill me instead, leave my son; kill me instead!' Voldemort glared impatiently. 'I don't want _you_, silly girl! You are of no use to me! I want your son's life now, so stand aside!'

Lily stood resolutely in front of the cot, refusing to move as Voldemort suddenly stepped closer and pointed his wand at Harry. Terror rose in Lily's heart again, she continued to plead, her face livid with anguish. 'Not Harry! Please, he's just a baby, please, have mercy, kill me, take me instead, just please, have mercy on my baby, I'm begging you! He's just a baby, please!'

Voldemort stared madly at the young woman who was pleading frantically for her son's life. He was filled with rage and contempt towards her. Part of him wanted to laugh that this woman thought she could make any difference if she died. He marvelled to think that once the mother was out of his way, he would kill the child, assuring his own future. He glared malevolently at Lily, who still stood firm and proud at her son's side. 'Very well Mrs Potter, go to your husband!' he cried, then he raised his wand and pointed it at Lily's chest.

Lily caught her breath, her heart hammering. She forced herself to concentrate on Harry and her love for him. She felt it deep inside her, as if it was part of her being. Something primal was firmly rooted in Lily's heart, the need of a mother to do anything for her child, even if that meant facing death. 'I love you Harry! I'll always love you!' Lily cried just as Voldemort screamed out the curse that would snuff out her life. 'Avada Kedavra!'

Lily saw the green ray of light rushing towards her. From somewhere in the distance she could hear Harry crying. Suddenly the light hit Lily Potter. It hit her square in the chest and, with one last thought for Harry in her mind, the light faded and everything went black. As the light dimmed Lily thought she saw James in the distance. The urge to be near him seized her. As if floating, Lily moved towards her husband. Beyond him she could see a white light. She felt his hand grasp hers and then the white light consumed them both.

Lily Potter was dead before her body hit the ground.

Voldemort watched Lily Potter's body fall to the floor in the nursery. As the body hit the ground with a distinctive thud, Voldemort screamed with laughter. Then slowly he stepped forward, his wand outstretched.

Voldemort looked down on the dark haired baby boy in the cot. The baby was crying loudly, his little features scrunched up as angry tears fell from his emerald eyes.

Voldemort sneered, 'Stop snivelling boy, you'll soon be back with your parents!' he cried viciously. Harry looked up at the face looming over his cot and cried louder, 'M-mama!' he sobbed, waving his little arms in the air to be picked up. Voldemort laughed, 'Your mother is dead boy, but you'll see her again in just a moment!'

Stepping closer to the cot, Voldemort reached down with his wand, pointing it at Harry Potter's tiny head. Without any hesitation or compassion for the child, Voldemort yelled 'Avada Kedavra!' A ray of green light flew from Voldemort's wand, reaching out towards the baby. The light touched the baby's head just for an instant and then the room flooded with intense heat and light as the spell seemed to reverse. The heat and light in the room seemed to explode suddenly, stretching up and out, blowing out the nursery window with a crash of glass, and then the whole cottage shook as more windows smashed and timbers and brickwork began to give way amid the intense power the reversing spell was generating.

Harry Potter stopped crying abruptly as the chaotic scenes around him began to unfold. He turned and stared at Voldemort, as if he was doing it deliberately. He met Voldemort's eyes. Voldemort gasped in horror, seeing a scar on the baby's forehead. It didn't bleed and it didn't appear to be a burn, it was a perfectly formed lightening shaped scar. As Voldemort looked down on the child he was filled with terror. The child had somehow survived the killing curse! Voldemort stared down at the baby in horrified disbelief, completely unable to find his voice.

The reversing spell filled the room with bright green light. The ceiling in the nursery began to creak ominously as dust and bits of plaster began to fall, some landing on the cot, some covering Lily Potter's dead body with a grey layer of dust. Then, the spell seemed to explode, literally lifting the roof of the cottage high into the air and then, as it landed, slates and wood crashed into the room smashing into anything in its path. Loud explosions and roars from the rest of the house suggested the cottage was about to collapse. All the time the reversing spell seemed to be gaining strength, generating more and more power.

Wave after wave of terror rushed in on Voldemort, his evil features twisting in fear. He tried to get out of the nursery, as more bricks, slate and timbers crashed all around him, covering Lily Potter's body and her son's cot almost completely. Voldemort reached the partially collapsed doorway of the nursery just as the reversing spell's power seemed to find an escape route from the room. Voldemort turned, seeing a rush of green light coming towards him. His eyes widened in terror, '_Nooooooooooooooo!_' he screamed, as the curse knocked him off his feet and flat on his back. He screamed in agony, convulsing with pain as his skin and muscles seemed to shrink around his body, tightening up, making movement almost impossible.

The cottage continued to creak ominously, the roof exploded yet again, leaving the entire cottage exposed to the elements. Harry Potter began to cry again, clearly frightened as his cot was covered in rubble and dust. Voldemort looked up and screamed into the starlit night as, with all the strength he could muster, he crawled from the room, leaving Harry Potter screaming in his cot beside the body of his dead mother.

As Voldemort crawled away from the cottage, agony tormenting his whole body, the building seemed to rise dramatically. It sounded as if lightening had struck the cottage. Ceilings and walls finally gave up and collapsed in smouldering heaps of plaster and masonry all around what remained of the Potter's cherished home. Then, with a mighty roar the whole building seemed to crumble, all except for a couple of walls, which remained standing, as if acting as a monument to the rest of the house.

Voldemort crawled away as the chaos around him ceased. The night became silent and peaceful once more. Not a sound could be heard as the night began to give way to the earliest hours of the morning. Nothing indicated the violent, tragic events of that Halloween night except for the shattered ruin of a family home and the broken young lives concealed within.


	14. Aftermath

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN: AFTERMATH**

A few short hours before the tragic events unfolded at Godric's Hollow and while the Potter's were sitting so peacefully together, without a worry in the world, Sirius Black made his way to check on his friend Peter Pettigrew, who was in hiding. Sirius was relaxed for once. He'd had some time to himself over the last few days and he had finally been able to convince himself that Lily and James, his closest friends, the nearest thing he had to a family, would be okay. Everything that could be done to keep the Potter's safe from Voldemort had been done, the family was safe and there was no need to worry.

Sirius flew on his motorbike in a leisurely way to Pettigrew's hideout, feeling glad that the evening had dried up after the storm that had continued well into the day. He was planning to go and check on Peter, and then he was going home to wrap some gifts for Harry Potter, his Godson, who was fifteen months old that Halloween. Sirius smiled happily to himself as he pictured Harry, his little face lighting up with joy at Sirius's latest gift. Sirius was going to spend the next day with the Potter's and he couldn't wait.

On arriving at Pettigrew's hideout he looked around to see if there was anyone else around, it was vital that no one knew where Peter Pettigrew was, in case Voldemort found out and used him to get at James, Lily and their baby. As soon as Sirius could see the coast was clear, he waved his wand, and the front door of Pettigrew's hideout, a small sparsely decorated house, opened. Sirius went inside and looked around. 'Wormtail, it's me, Padfoot!' he called, as he shut the front door. There was no reply. Sirius rolled his eyes and called louder, 'Oh come on Wormtail! You can come out, it's me, Padfoot!' Still, there was no reply. Sirius started to feel irritated now. Surely Peter must know it was just him there to see if everything was all right! He opened the door to the small kitchen and peered inside calling, 'Come on Wormtail, stop pissing about, I've got things to do!' Once again there was no reply.

Sirius suddenly started to feel anxious. A feeling in the pit of his stomach told him that something wasn't right. He moved swiftly to the living room calling Peter Pettigrew's name as he went. When he again had no reply he went upstairs quickly and searched the two tiny bedrooms. They were empty. There was no sign of Peter Pettigrew anywhere in the house. He had either gone out, which he knew he couldn't do in case Voldemort saw him, or…… Fear rose up inside Sirius Black. 'He's been taken, Voldemort's found him!' he told himself, his heart thumping in his chest. He tried to collect himself amid a wave of overwhelming fear, not only for Pettigrew, but for his friends the Potter's.

Sirius went to rush from the house, and then something stopped him. He took in the house again and realised something that filled his heart with dread. The house was perfectly tidy. There was no sign of a disturbance or any kind of struggle. If Pettigrew had left, he had done so of his own free will. Panic rushed in on Sirius Black making his mouth go dry and his palms sweat. 'The Potter's…need to get to the Potter's….James….Lily…..Harry' he told himself, desperately trying to get his fear under control, while once again he was gripped by the realisation that something was terribly wrong.

Sirius quickly tried to pull himself together, desperately trying to hold down the rising panic inside him and think clearly. He moved towards the front door automatically in his urgency to get out of the abandoned hideout. The feeling that he needed to get to Godric's Hollow as quickly as possible was growing inside the pit of Sirius's stomach, which was writhing fearfully. The sense that something was terribly wrong was gathering pace in Sirius's mind with every passing second.

Sirius Black leapt onto his flying motorbike and viciously kicked it into life. As he did he prayed frantically that when he got to the cottage Lily Potter would go mad at him for bursting in and waking the family at such a late hour. Sirius realised that he'd spent so long looking for Peter Pettigrew, it was now after midnight.

The flying motorbike roared through the night sky as Sirius Black flew. As he guided the bike through the darkness, Sirius suddenly became aware of how many other witches and wizards were out. When he'd checked on Pettigrew at night earlier in the week the skies were empty, but now he had to steer the bike carefully to avoid brooms. He groaned in frustration as the witches and wizards surrounding him laughed lightly and wished one another happy Halloween. Halloween! Sirius groaned again, in his panic he'd forgotten about Halloween altogether. Distracted for a moment, Sirius hardly saw a witch who was flying towards him, her broom moving with breakneck speed. 'GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU YOUNG FOOL!' the witch screamed, as she jerked her broom out of the motorbikes path. In spite of the fear inside for his friends, Sirius Black stretched out an arm and over his shoulder, did an obscene gesture with a finger. As he raced away, Sirius heard the older witch saying something about '…young wizards, racing around the skies on…' Sirius smirked, the witch obviously had very little idea just exactly what he was flying on! 'Must remember to tell Prongs about that one' Sirius told himself, before his stomach twisted and he realised once again why he was so urgently trying to get to his friends in the middle of the night. He pushed away any other thoughts and flew on, apprehension and fear rising inside him once more.

Sirius raced on through the night sky and eventually reached Godric's Hollow, the village his friends lived on the outskirts of. He looked down and could see dim lights coming from the houses below. Flying lower over the village, Sirius could see pumpkin lanterns glowing and the faint shimmer of candlelight in some of the windows of the houses. Normally this sight would comfort Sirius, but this night it filled him with a sense of foreboding. His heart turned over in his chest as he began to wonder what he would see when he got to the Potter's cottage. He prayed there would be some light, which he could use to assure himself the family were fine, or that if they were in darkness they were just in bed, safe and sound….but even as he thought, Sirius pushed away another reason the family might be in darkness….

Suddenly, as Sirius neared the edge of the village, a faint smell of burning wafted through the night air. Sirius's stomach gave a nervous twitch as he realised that in just a few more moments he would be at the Potter's cottage. Just a couple of minutes later Sirius looked down and a wave of terror struck him so strong it nearly made him fall from the flying motorbike. With shaking hands and his mouth so dry he couldn't swallow, Sirius's voice screamed inside his head. _'_OH GOD! PLEASE….PLEASE, ANYTHING BUT THIS, PLEASE!'

The sight that greeted Sirius Black was worse than anything he could have ever imagined. The Potter's cottage lay almost completely flattened. Two small walls remained at the front of what used to be a building. Sirius knew straight away these once stood on either side of the front door, which had completely disappeared. Sirius could hardly see as he landed the motorbike on the ground and cut off the engine. He was immediately struck by how silent the night had become. Only the faint burning smell in the air and the shattered remains of the cottage gave any idea that something dreadful had taken place that night.

Sirius landed the flying motorbike without even thinking about it. All he could do was stare fixedly at the smouldering wreck of his friend's home. His heart was thumping wildly in his chest, he felt sick to the pit of his stomach and his head screamed at him. Sirius just stood and stared, leaning against the motorbike, unable to think or act. He felt numb. His mind refused to take in what his eyes were seeing. It was as if he thought that if he just stared at it long enough, it would make it less true.

Suddenly Sirius was startled from his shocked state when he realised someone was climbing over the flattened house. Sirius abandoned his motorbike where it stood in the front garden and ran up to the ruined cottage. He felt a rush of anger towards whoever was climbing all over the wreck, all he could make out was their large shape. As he moved closer to the smouldering remains of the building a familiar voice called out; 'Sirius! Quick, 'elp me look for James an' Lily, they're still in this lot!'

Sirius almost felt relieved, it was Hagrid, Hogwarts gamekeeper! Sirius clambered up to where Hagrid was balancing on a huge pile of rubble, which radiated warmth under his feet. 'Hagrid….what….I don't…' he said, unable to form a sentence. The thought that his friends were still in the wreckage gave him a glimmer of hope, they might still be alive! Hagrid threw aside large chunks of bricks and blackened pieces of wood as if they weighed next to nothing, not looking at Sirius again, he spoke, 'Dumbledore sent me, asked me to check on 'em, when I got 'ere, I found this!' Sirius began to lift bricks and timber too, his shaking hands hindering him, 'Hagrid….have you….have you heard any…any sounds from under the…' Sirius could hardly bring himself to ask the question, he was afraid of the answer. Rubeus Hagrid turned his face towards Sirius Black and solemnly shook his head. Something rose up inside Sirius, anger, urgency and fear hit him, 'Well they're alive! I know they are, so we're not giving up yet, not by a long way!' he cried frantically, his eyes wide. Hagrid met Sirius's wild gaze sympathetically, 'Now look, Sirius….' The younger man dismissed him angrily. 'Come on, we haven't got time to talk! We have to find them!' Hagrid gave up for the moment, sighing heavily he turned back to his task.

The two men dug through the shattered building with their bare hands, every now and then stopping and checking for signs of life, before going on again. Sirius worked doggedly, all the while his sharp ears attuned to any noise. The dark night went on, the stars shining brightly down on the men as they worked, almost as if they were casting their light to help them in the search. After at least an hour of frenetic activity Hagrid appeared to go rigid. He emitted a deep sigh. Sirius looked up at him, his stomach lurching painfully. 'Hagrid…..what…what is it?' he asked hesitantly. Hagrid sighed again, 'Sirius, go and stand out the way, I can manage' he replied, his voice strained. Sirius's eyes widened in irritation, 'Now hang on, if you've found something I….!' Hagrid met Sirius's angry eyes with a sad expression. 'Sirius…just…just get out the way…you don' need….' Suddenly Sirius was filled with fear, his anger died away as icy terror crashed in on him. Without even thinking about it, he nodded at Hagrid and, swallowing hard, he backed away down the mountain of rubble, stumbling as he went.

As soon as Sirius was back on level ground, Hagrid resumed his digging, slowly, almost too slowly. Sirius felt frightened as he watched how careful Hagrid was being. The giant's massive form reached into the wreckage for an instant, his head down, as if he was listening for something, then slowly, he moved upright again, and he appeared to be pulling something from beneath him. Instinctively Sirius moved and started to climb the wreck again, but Hagrid raised his hand and Sirius obediently stood back, fear overtaking any other feeling he had. He knew something bad was about to happen. Sirius almost cried out when he realised that Hagrid was now climbing down the mountain of rubble, carrying something in his arms, something that appeared floppy in the giant's firm grip. The breath caught in the back of Sirius's throat, Hagrid was carrying a body!

Sirius ran forward as Hagrid reached the ground, his heart lurched as he took in the sight of his best friend in Hagrid's enormous arms. 'Prongs! Thank God for that, I thought for a minute there…..' Sirius said, relief washing over him that his friend was out of the wreckage. The rest of his words died in his mouth as Hagrid looked up sadly and shook his head. Sirius stared as Hagrid lowered James Potter's body to the ground, then, he felt Hagrid's hand pat him on the shoulder, before the giant once again went back to the task of finding anyone else trapped in the wreck of the Potter's cottage.

Sirius Black stood for a moment staring down at his friend. James Potter was in his night clothes, covered from head to foot in a thick layer of dust. His black hair looked grey and his features ashen. His glasses lay on his face, hanging from the end of his nose, the lenses shattered. James Potter's hazel eyes were open, staring, his head turned to the one side as Hagrid placed him on the ground. He appeared to be looking directly at Sirius.

Something inside Sirius shut down as he stared down at the lifeless body of his best friend. He refused to grasp the truth of Hagrid's pained expression. He wouldn't believe it! It couldn't be true! He bent down on his knees at his friend's side. 'You silly sod, what have you gone and done?' he demanded, his mouth twisting into a smile. There was no reply, James Potter's eyes continued to stare at Sirius blankly. Sirius smirked, 'You've done something completely stupid and managed to demolish your house you prat! You wait until Lily sees this, you'll be so dead!' He laughed and shoved his friend's body. James Potter didn't even stir.

The sight of his friend laying there roused Sirius's humour further. 'You've gone and given yourself the body bind curse as well you idiot…' he chuckled, shaking his head, '…mind you, after seeing you with Lily the other day, I wouldn't be surprised if she did it to you! Has she suddenly gone in for kinky games or something?' Sirius laughed loudly and gave his friend a hard shove, harder than the first. James Potter's lifeless head rolled, turning away from Sirius.

On seeing the rigid way James's head rolled, Sirius stopped laughing. Something inside him began to realise something was terribly wrong. As if acting on instinct alone, he eased James Potter's head back to face him. 'Prongs, come on, that's enough now, joke's over now mate!' he said, trying to hold down a sense of rising panic. There was no response from the body. 'Prongs, come on, don't be stupid, snap out of it!' he cried, becoming angry. He reached out and took James Potter's glasses away from his face. 'You'll need to do a bloody good Reparo charm on these you idiot!' Sirius waved the glasses in front of James Potter's lifeless eyes, still there was no reaction.

Sirius reached out again and wiped the dust and grime from James Potter's face. When Sirius's hand brushed against James's mouth he froze. There was no sign of breath coming from his friend! Terror rushed into Sirius's frozen mind, he tried to convince himself it wasn't true. James couldn't be dead, it was impossible! 'Come on Prongs, that's it now, this isn't funny any more! Stop holding your bloody breath!' he demanded. There wasn't even a flicker of reaction from James Potter's body. Now Sirius became really angry as he continued to deny the truth to himself. 'All right then, if you're going to be stupid I'm going to go and help Hagrid find Lily!' Sirius hoped the mention of James's wife might stir the body into action. He knew James adored Lily. He wouldn't mess about if he knew she was in danger.

Sirius went to stand up but as he did, he looked down again on the lifeless form on the ground. Suddenly reality started to crash in on Sirius Black. He looked at his friend's face, deathly white, the lips turning blue at the edges. The eyes were dim and frozen into one agonised expression. The mouth lay open as if James was saying something.

Sirius flopped back down on his knees, his breath rushing out of his body. 'Prongs….please…. come on mate….' He begged, though in his heart he was beginning to realise the truth. 'Please mate, come on…I didn't mean to get angry….you know me….I didn't mean…..' Sirius became desperate. He felt a lump rising in the back of his throat. 'Mate, come on, Lily's still in that lot….we're going to find her, and we'll get you both to St Mungo's…..you'll be fine…..you have to be all right….Prongs, you've got to be all right, Lily needs you….I…..I need….'

Sirius got no further. The truth finally sank in. James Potter, Sirius Black's closest friend, was dead. Sirius sank lower into the ground. Bending forward, he covered his face with his hands. 'No!…no!….please!….not James!….Please!.…..not my friend!…..please!' Sirius begged frantically, his whole body wracked with violent shaking. He reached out blindly, tears beginning to fall from his eyes. Sirius pulled James Potter's dead body into his arms, holding him tightly, as if he couldn't bear to let go. He began to rock backwards and forwards, as everything else around him seemed to disappear for a moment. 'You were supposed to be all right! This wasn't supposed to happen! You were going to be fine, safe and happy in your own home again….!' A wave of despair engulfed Sirius's heart. 'How do you expect me to manage without you, you stupid sod!' he cried, anguish and pain filling him. 'Oh, it's all right for you, you'll be resting peacefully, lazy git that you are…..but me….there won't be anyone…not like us….not like brothers…special….best friends!'

Sirius Black could hardly see through the tears running from his eyes. He continued to hold on to James Potter's body, as if his own life depended on it.

So absorbed was Sirius, holding James Potter's lifeless body in his arms, rocking backwards and forwards, muttering incoherently as fear and shock made way for despair, he didn't see Hagrid's large form descend once again from the wreckage of the demolished cottage, holding another body in his arms. It was only when Hagrid placed the body down on the ground that Sirius remembered he wasn't alone. A fresh rush of agony crushed Sirius's Black's broken heart. He looked down on the body of a woman lying on the ground, her lips tinged blue and her red hair…..

Sirius placed his best friend's body gently on the ground and moved to where the woman lay, a few feet away. Sirius sobbed as he took the woman's dead body into his arms. 'Oh Lily, no! Not you too!' he wept passionately, his voice turning into a low, painful moan.

Sirius held Lily Potter's dead body in his arms, his hand brushing through her hair, the beautiful red hair Sirius knew James loved so much. He wept harder as bits of plaster and dust fell from the deep red locks. He eased the body out of his arms and realised Lily's eyes were wide open. Her striking emerald eyes, the eyes that had drawn James Potter to her years before, lay open and staring, with a strange, almost triumphant glow fixed within them. Sirius continued to sob helplessly. 'He…..James loved you so much Lils!' he cried, staring down into her face. 'He loved you so much….you made him so happy Lily, so very happy!'

Sirius took Lily's dead body back into his embrace. Through his tears he smiled. 'If Prongs could see me now, holding you like this, he'd….oh God, Lily!' There was no controlling the agony Sirius felt now. It completely engulfed him. He gave in to it, his whole body shuddering with heart-wrenching sobs. 'What am I going to do without you two, who else is going to tell me off Lily? Who else is there for me to tease now? Who else can I spend my time with? Who else knows me inside out, good and bad and still cares….there's no one Lily….just you and James….and now you're gone and I….oh God, no, please!' Sirius sobbed helplessly, unable to find more words. He rocked Lily's body in his arms, exactly as he had with James.

After several long minutes Sirius eased Lily Potter's body out of his arms. He placed it gently down on the ground. He sat up and looked across at where James Potter's body lay. Sirius's eyes focused on the distance that separated the bodies of the couple who had been through so much to get together and fought to remain together, even facing death. Sirius couldn't bear the distance between the two bodies any more. Something inside told him James and Lily needed to be together. Standing, Sirius picked up Lily Potter's lifeless form. He carried it to where James Potter's body lay and placed it down. Tears flowed from Sirius's eyes again as he reached out and placed his fingers gently over James Potter's eyes and closed them for the last time. He did the same for Lily, tenderly extinguishing the triumphant glow in Lily Potter's emerald orbs. Then, Sirius turned Lily's body onto her side, resting her head on her husband's still chest. He moved James's arm and eased it around Lily's shoulders. Now the bodies looked like they were sleeping in a final loving embrace. Sirius gazed down on the couple. 'There….at least you're together now….no one will ever part you again'. Sirius's body racked with sobs as he spoke.

Sirius Black trembled all the way to his fingertips as he stood in the darkness of that Halloween night. He couldn't bear the pain he was in, the all-consuming agony of loss. He had lost his closest friends, the people he thought of as his family, he was alone and he couldn't bear it.

Suddenly Sirius jumped out of his skin when a scream ripped through the air. He turned swiftly on his heel to be confronted by Hagrid, who appeared to be holding a bundle of screaming blankets in his arms. Sirius blinked, even in his distraught state he knew blankets didn't scream. Then the realisation dawned. The screaming was a child, crying in Hagrid's arms! Hagrid's eyes were full. He opened the blankets and revealed their contents to Sirius. 'The little un…'E's alive!' he cried, tears leaking out from his eyes at last. Sirius was overwhelmed. He wobbled violently on his shaking legs before he steadied himself. He looked down on his Godson. 'Harry?' he said, utterly bewildered, 'but how…?' Hagrid smiled amid his tears. ''E's survived the killin' curse Sirius…I dunno how, but 'e's survived, look at the scar on 'is 'ead!'

Sirius Black stared at the lightening shaped scar on Harry Potter's little forehead. 'But that's….Hagrid that's impossible!' Hagrid nodded, 'I know, no one has ever survived the killin' curse before! It's a miracle!'

Harry Potter continued to scream into the night, his little body racked with sobbing. Sirius sighed, wanting desperately to comfort the child, who, he realised, had no one else in the world now his parents were…even the thought was too much for the young man. He could still hardly believe his best friends were dead and their son was now an orphan. Sirius stretched out his arms to Hagrid. 'Hagrid, give me the baby' he said firmly. To Sirius's amazement Hagrid shook his head. 'No, 'e's got to go to Dumbledore. Dumbledore warned me, if this 'appened, the little un had to go straight to 'im'. Now Sirius could feel his anger rising. 'Hagrid, stop messing about! Give Harry to me! I'm his Godfather! James and Lily made me his guardian, so if anything happened to them, I'd…..' Sirius couldn't go on, his emotions were rising again. Hagrid sighed heavily, 'I'm sorry Sirius, but I've 'ad me orders, Dumbledore said Harry had to go straight to 'im'.

Sirius Black stared at Hagrid as he stood, Harry Potter held firmly in his arms. Sirius sighed. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Sirius finally grasped the reality of what had happened that night. The Potters, James and Lily, had been murdered by Voldemort, leaving their son an orphan. They had been betrayed by their Secret Keeper, Peter Pettigrew. Fury rushed in on Sirius, he suddenly felt like he wanted to hurt someone, cause them the sort of pain he could feel around his heart. He sighed again. He looked at the baby in Hagrid's arms and knew what he had to do. 'All right Hagrid', he said, forcing himself to speak softly, 'take Harry to Dumbledore, take him on my bike, it'll get you there quicker'. Hagrid stared in disbelief, 'But you love that bike!' Sirius sighed painfully, 'I know, but I don't need it any more….just take Harry to Dumbledore as fast as you can'. Hagrid shook his head in amazement, then quickly he turned and before Sirius could react again, the giant was on the flying motorbike, Harry Potter's tiny form clasped tightly to him, and he flew away.

Sirius now stood alone. He stood in the cold night air and tried to absorb what had happened. The realisation hit him once again that his friends were dead, their son was an orphan and had been taken away, and he, Sirius Black was entirely alone in the world. He stared down on the bodies of the dead young couple and a wave of fury crashed over him once more. He realised now more sharply than ever that they had been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust, Peter Pettigrew. Sirius burst onto tears again, tears of anger and loss. He looked down on the bodies of his friends. 'I swear, he'll pay for this!' he cried, 'if it's the last thing I do, Pettigrew will be dead when I find him, he'll pay for what he's done to you, I promise you that!'

With one final look at James and Lily's dead bodies, Sirius apparated. He had to find Peter Pettigrew. He was thirsty for revenge. James and Lily were dead, but Sirius knew he would never rest until he found the one who had betrayed them.


	15. Capture, Guilt and Goodbye

A/N Well here we are, the fifteenth and final chapter of The Alpha and the Omega. I should just like to thank all those who have reviewed so positively. It makes the writing a pleasure when there is such great feedback. To those who read and don't review, please consider doing so. It helps, believe me. My particular thanks must go to a couple of reviewers who have been encouraging throughout. I don't think I'm allowed to name you, but you know who you are. I don't know if I'm allowed to ask, but if anyone out there knows of anyone who can do good fanart, I'd love to know. It would be a thrill to see some of the bits of this story brought to life with pictures, even just for me. Anyway, on with the story.

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN: CAPTURE, GUILT AND GOODBYE**

For the remainder of the night Sirius apparated to all the places he could think of where Peter Pettigrew might be. He couldn't get the sight of James and Lily's dead bodies out of his mind, or block out Harry Potter's screams. Now he was intent on finding the man who had led his friends to their deaths, and effectively taken his Godson away from him. Sirius's insides burned with a mix of agonising grief and fury stronger than he had ever felt before. Never before had Sirius Black felt the desire to kill another human being, until this night.

Daylight broke and still Sirius hadn't found Pettigrew. His grief and rage went on, tormenting him. He remembered vividly times spent with James. He remembered pranks they'd pulled at school, tricks they'd played, which though they'd got into trouble at the time, never led to any real harm being done to their victims…well, not for long. In spite of his pain, Sirius couldn't hold back a smile at some of his memories. Then Sirius thought of a time when he had pulled a prank, which could have killed another student. He remembered how James had prevented a disaster with an act of bravery that could easily have cost him his life, and led to Sirius being expelled from school. Now Sirius shuddered when he realised that he hadn't been there for Lily and James when they needed him most.

Sirius remembered James's parents taking him in to their family when he'd left his own home at sixteen. James became more than a friend, more like a brother. They had a bond that couldn't be broken. No amount of fights, arguments and differences of opinion would ever break their friendship. Nothing had ever parted the two young men for long, until now. Sirius ached with the weight of his loss.

In his mind, Sirius remembered the day he stood with James as his best man, and watched his friend marry the only woman James Potter had ever wanted. Sirius smiled ironically when he thought of how James had acquired himself quite a reputation among the girls at Hogwarts. He was thought of as a flirt and a charmer, and, Sirius knew better than most, he _was_ those things, but there was only one he lived and breathed for. There was only one who he spent hours dreaming about, following around and generally making a fool of himself for. Lily Evans had captured James Potter's heart when he was hardly old enough to know anything about love. Sirius knew, on the day he stood at his friends side and watched him exchange his vows with Lily, James meant every word of what he was saying. Sirius took some comfort from the thought that _'till death do us part'_ had not been true for James and Lily. They were together. Not even Voldemort or Pettigrew had been able to part them.

Sirius Black thought of Harry Potter, his Godson. A twinge around his heart reminded him that though Harry was alive, he was gone. Sirius wondered now where Harry was and if he was all right. Sirius ached with the thought that Harry, at fifteen months old, was an orphan. Harry would never know his parents or know how much he was loved. Another jab of intense pain grabbed at Sirius's heart.

Sirius vividly recalled the day James and Lily had asked him if he really did want to be their first child's Godfather. He remembered his excitement as the months went by, each day bringing the birth closer. Then Harry was born, looking so much like James it was spooky. Sirius knew he would never forget the first time he saw Harry. He knew he would never forget the feeling of intense love he felt. Sirius remembered looking down on the tiny bundle in his arms the first time he held him, he remembered the feeling it gave him, that he, in part, was responsible for the care of this tiny human being. In the past, Sirius realised he would have been scared of the responsibility. But, when Harry Potter came into his life, Sirius changed. Sirius would never try to take the place of James as Harry's father, but he knew that in his own way, he loved Harry as if he was his own. Now Harry was gone and Sirius wondered if he would ever see him again.

Now Sirius was walking aimlessly through a Muggle town. The sun had risen, and, much to Sirius's disgust, that first day of November was becoming a bright day. The sun beamed down, not creating any real warmth, but lighting up the sky, almost mocking Sirius's broken heart with its brightness.

The day wore on and still Sirius hadn't found Pettigrew. He went into a small pub for a quick drink before resuming his search, and, as the barman placed his drink in front of him, he heard a familiar voice, a familiar, squeaky voice. Sirius turned on his heel and there, sat in a corner of the pub, was Peter Pettigrew, drinking and laughing, as if nothing in the world was wrong.

Intense rage made Sirius act. Without thinking about it, he flew at Pettigrew, 'Sirius, how…where?' squeaked the little man, clearly shocked and surprised that he had been found. 'Outside, now!' barked Sirius. Without waiting for the little man to move, Sirius grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and dragged him outside. Sirius ignored the astonished gasps of the pub, which, by now, was full of lunchtime drinkers.

The town was filled with people, each bustling about, rushing around, hardly noticing the two men as they left the pub, or rather, the one men left, the other was being dragged along by the collar, all the while, trying to escape the hold Sirius Black had on him. When they were outside, Sirius released the hold he had on Pettigrew, and the little man hit the ground with a distinctive 'umph!'

Sirius looked down on the little man and knew he had never hated anyone in his life as much as he hated this pathetic, snivelling creature who was struggling to his feet. Sirius spoke in a steely whisper, angry beyond anything he had ever felt before. 'Just tell me why you did it!' he demanded, his eyes narrowing with rage. Pettigrew stood, his head barely reaching Sirius's waist. 'I…I don't…I don't know what you're talking about Sirius!' he said, trying to edge away from the taller man. Sirius glowered menacingly, grabbing on to the little man again, 'Don't give me that you little shit! James and Lily, you betrayed them didn't you? Now I want to know why, so at least when I kill you, everyone will know what pathetic reason you had for betraying your friends!' Sirius was shaking with fury as he spoke.

Peter Pettigrew looked terrified as he looked up at the face of Sirius Black, a face full of the deepest loathing. 'Sirius, I swear, I don't know what you're talking about…' Pettigrew's eyes shifted around and, seeing how busy the town was, full of lunchtime shoppers, an idea came to him, '…I don't know what you're talking about Sirius! I haven't seen James and Lily for ages, what with them being in hiding!' Pettigrew's voice was rising with every word he uttered. Passers by were becoming interested in the exchange between the two men.

Sirius couldn't see what Pettigrew was playing at. 'You know perfectly well what I'm talking about, you pathetic little shit! You know very well what Voldemort did last night! He killed James and Lily, and it's your fault!' Sirius's anger made his voice stick in his throat, his words barely audible against the throng of shoppers.

Peter Pettigrew looked around again at the crowded town and, Sirius realised much later, put on the performance of a lifetime. He swayed dramatically; to onlookers he would have appeared to have just been given some news that had been a terrible shock. He gasped as if he was horrified, and then, he spoke, his eyes wide, and, to Sirius's disbelief, wet with tears. 'Lily and James, Sirius! How could you!' Pettigrew made sure his voice could be heard plainly by anyone standing close enough to the pair. People around them seemed to stop in their tracks, clearly intrigued by the heated discussion.

Sirius Black stared at the little man in amazement. 'What do you mean, how could I?' he whispered, 'We switched, remember? You were their Secret Keeper and you betrayed them! James and Lily are dead and you did it, you killed them!' Sirius's voice was low and steely, he was shaking with rage.

Peter Pettigrew looked around again, speaking loudly, he made sure his words would be heard by as many people as possible, 'Sirius! You were their Secret Keeper, their most trusted friend!' People were beginning to become even more intrigued by the argument between the two men, a crowd gathered a short distance away, not near enough to appear nosy, but close enough for Peter Pettigrew to attract their attention. 'Sirius, James thought of you as his brother, you know he did! How could you betray him like that, lead him to his death? Lily too, Sirius how could you!'

Sirius shook his head in disbelief, 'Stop playing games, just tell me why you did it, that's all I want from you, just the truth! You were their Secret Keeper, you know very well we switched!'

For years, what happened next was hard to believe. Glancing round once more, Pettigrew put an arm behind his back. 'Sirius, they were your friends and you've killed them!' he cried, ensuring he was heard. Then, looking Sirius straight in the eye he whispered two words, 'Prove it!'

Sirius Black suddenly had an inkling of what Pettigrew was doing. He darted towards his former friend, trying to grab him. Just as he moved, there was a loud explosion that shook the ground violently. The formerly busy, peaceful Muggle town was transformed to a scene of utter chaos. The air was full of smoke and the sound of terrified screams. People were scrambling to escape, but the blast was so powerful it knocked them off their feet.

After many long minutes, there was an eerie silence, punctuated by moans and cries of people, clearly in agony. Sirius rose from where the blast had thrown him to the ground and was hardly able to believe what he saw. There was a huge crater running right down the length of the street. Water from the sewer below rose into the air. The stench of waste from the sewer filled the air, making Sirius feel sick. His stomach turned even more when he realised he was surrounded by dead bodies. At least a dozen people lay in the street, bodies mangled almost beyond recognition by the force of the blast.

Sirius looked down to find a heap of blood-stained robes in front of him, and, the grotesque sight of a finger, blood-stained and shattered on the ground. Immediately Sirius realised what had happened. Peter Pettigrew had blown up his wand, killing the people who now lay dead around Sirius. He had apparated at the same time, escaping from having to pay for what he had done, not only to the people here, but to James and Lily.

Something in Sirius's mind finally snapped. He thought of all the times that he and James had stood up for Pettigrew, all the times they'd looked out for him. He remembered all the times that Pettigrew had struggled to grasp a joke at school, needing things explaining to him over and over, and then, he would grasp what was funny, long after it actually was. Sirius remembered how he and James had spent hours with Pettigrew when they made the decision to become Animagus to help Remus Lupin. The spell was dangerous and James and Sirius had both realised that if they didn't help Pettigrew, he would never have been able to transform into a rat….._a rat_…the very thought made Sirius want to laugh. As fifteen year olds, James and Sirius had no idea how very appropriate Peter Pettigrew's Animagus form would turn out to be.

The idea that the weakest Marauder, the one the others looked out for and looked after, would betray one of his closest friends to Voldemort now seemed incredible to Sirius. The idea that the one who appeared to be so naïve and unworldly could actually be capable of such deceit and betrayal, effectively killing a friend and his wife seemed utterly ridiculous.

Then Sirius realised that he had asked Pettigrew to be the Potter's Secret Keeper. He had given Pettigrew the opportunity to act. He, in effect, had helped him yet again. Just as he and James had helped their friend at school, looked out for him, taken care of him, he, Sirius Black, had done so again, believing Pettigrew to be too stupid to misuse the position of trust he was in. He had been horribly, terribly wrong and it had cost the Potters their lives. Pettigrew had taken advantage of the trust placed in him and betrayed the Potters to Voldemort. Pettigrew had not been stupid at all, he had been devious and evil beyond words, and now Sirius felt as if he'd helped him.

Sirius's mind suddenly shattered. He began to release all the pent up feelings he had held inside while he searched for Peter Pettigrew. He didn't cry. He looked around at the scene of terrible devastation around him, the bodies that littered the street, the people nursing horrible injuries, pleading for help. He saw the crater in the street, water gushing from it, the putrid smell filling the air.

Sirius Black's mind shut down further as he thought of James and Lily, dead because a friend they considered as an innocent had betrayed them. He thought of Harry, an orphan, alone, God only knew where, because his parents were dead.

The stupidity of the situation crashed around Sirius Black's devastated mind and heart as he realised that James, Lily, Pettigrew and himself had been the only people who knew about the switch of Secret Keeper's. People would believe that he, Sirius Black, had betrayed his friends, effectively condemning them to death. The realisation hit Sirius that Pettigrew had not been so innocent after all. They'd all been stupid to trust him.

Sirius Black thought of all this and then he began to laugh. His laughter rose, louder and louder as his mind shut down even further. He screamed with laughter, as he looked down on the bloodied robes and finger on the ground. The thought that Pettigrew had even made a mess of escaping from his crime turned Sirius's laughter even more hysterical. He wondered if this useless excuse for a wizard would ever be able to do anything without help. Sirius laughed even louder at the thought.

Sirius continued to laugh for a long time. He was still laughing when no less than twenty members of the Magical Law Enforcement Patrol dragged him away. He roared with mirth when they accused him of the murders of twelve Muggles and the murder of a wizard, who, from information they had obtained, they knew was Peter Pettigrew. He continued to laugh hysterically as he was accused of being in league with Voldemort and betraying James and Lily Potter.

Sirius Black laughed as he was thrown into a cell at Azkaban prison. Without a chance to defend himself, he was locked up without trial.

Then, as the cell door slammed shut behind him, Sirius Black stopped laughing. Images of James, Lily and baby Harry taunted him. He realised once more that James and Lily were dead and Harry was gone, possibly forever. Sirius realised once more that he had asked Pettigrew to be the Potter's Secret Keeper because he was frightened of letting James and Lily down, terrified of betraying them if Voldemort had ever found him. Now Sirius knew that would never have happened. He knew that even if Voldemort had tortured him, he would never have given away where his friends were. He realised in his broken mind that if he had been the Potter's Secret Keeper, they would probably still be alive and Harry would not be an orphan.

In his prison cell, alone, grief-stricken and full of guilt, Sirius Black threw himself down on his knees and sobbed once more for his friends.

A week later friends gathered for the funeral of Lily and James Potter. James had no family who could attend the funeral. His parents were dead and he had no other family, other than his wife, whose coffin lay beside his, and his son, who had been taken away the night of his parents deaths.

Lily's only family, her sister Petunia, her husband, and their own baby son, had been informed of the deaths and invited to attend the funeral, but no one had received a response. It appeared that to her sister, Lily Potter had ceased to exist a long time ago.

As he stood at the graveside of two of his former students, Albus Dumbledore realised that Petunia Dursley would now have to confront her feelings towards her sister. She had a living reminder under her roof, in the shape of the Potter's son, Harry. Dumbledore had taken the child to the Dursley's in the early hours of the morning after the Potter's deaths, when most of the wizarding world was rejoicing that Voldemort appeared to be gone forever. Dumbledore prayed that the joyous scenes following Voldemort's apparent death would not be for nothing, and that the young couple now here, laying dead in the two wooden coffins at his feet would forgive him for taking their son out of the wizarding world for now, into the keeping of someone who, Dumbledore quickly realised, didn't want him.

Now a small group of people were gathered at the grave. Albus Dumbledore stood alongside Minerva McGonagall, who, in spite of herself, wiped away tears for her two former students. She remembered all the pranks James Potter had pulled at school, how he had often managed to get out of trouble with his smile and charm, which, the strong disciplinarian professor had to admit, had an effect, even on her. She remembered his brilliance on the Quidditch field, how he'd loved to play and lead his team to glory.

However, most of all, Minerva McGonagall remembered a young seventeen year old James Potter, who stood in her classroom one morning and confessed his love for Lily Evans. As she wiped away a tear, Minerva McGonagall smiled to herself to think that in the end, the couple had sorted out their differences and fallen deeply in love. Even death had not defeated the deep love these two felt for each other and for their beloved child.

Minerva McGonagall's smile faded as she thought of Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. She remembered all the times she had punished Pettigrew for his poor magical skills; the boy had been little more than a Squib. Now he was dead, blown up by a friend who had destroyed the lives of another twelve people in the process, and condemned his supposed best friends and their child to death and a life with no parents.

Minerva McGonagall shuddered to think that all of the young people involved in this tragedy had once been in her form at Hogwarts. She wondered if there had been any sign of the terrible events to come. Had she missed it, could she have prevented the disaster? Minerva McGonagall felt crushed by guilt.

Rubeus Hagrid stood at the grave, towering over everyone, sniffing loudly as he tried to smother his sobs. He felt relieved to think he had stopped Sirius Black taking Harry Potter away. He knew that had he done so, the man would've probably killed the baby, just like he'd killed Pettigrew and all those other innocent people. Hagrid burned with anger to think that James and Lily had trusted Black and had been cruelly betrayed. As Rubeus Hagrid stood at the graveside, he wanted to kill Sirius Black. He thanked God he was in Azkaban.

Hagrid was standing next to Alice and Frank Longbottom. Alice held her own fifteen month old baby in her arms and tried to push away the thought that this could so easily be her and her husband being laid to rest. Voldemort was tormenting this young family too. Alice prayed that her son would remain with her, that he wouldn't have to grow up parentless, like the Potter's baby.

Just across from the Longbottoms stood Remus Lupin. He watched as the minister said a few words over the coffins. He forced himself to listen as the minister talked of the love the couple shared, and how they were together now, in peace. Remus flinched as the thought struck him that the Potter's shouldn't need to be in peace, they should still be alive!

Remus Lupin could still hardly bring himself to think that Sirius, who James regarded as a brother, had led the couple to their deaths. Remus knew that if he forced himself to think about that, he would have to ask himself why the Potter's hadn't used him as their Secret Keeper. Part of him argued that it was because of the close relationship James shared with Sirius, trusting him beyond anyone else, except his wife. But Remus Lupin also knew that it was because James didn't completely trust _him_. He persuaded himself that maybe it was because he was a werewolf. The werewolves were known to be on Voldemort's side, but, even as he thought it, Remus knew it wasn't the real reason. James Potter had not completely trusted him since he'd found him one day kissing Lily. Therefore, he didn't trust him enough to use him as their Secret Keeper. They had used Sirius Black and as a result, they were dead.

As he stood there, watching his friends being laid to rest, Remus Lupin promised himself that he would never allow himself to fall in love with anyone else. His misguided feelings for Lily had made James distrust him to the degree that even when their lives were in danger, he wouldn't ask for help. As he stood at the graveside, Remus Lupin vowed that his feelings would never again be allowed to destroy someone else's life. Even if it meant being alone, he would keep his feelings under control in future. He owed James and Lily that.

The service finally ended and the coffins were lowered into the ground. Remus stood for a long time as most of the people moved away from the graveside, some wiping away silent tears, one or two openly sobbing for the waste of such young lives. He suddenly became aware of a hand on his shoulder. Remus looked up into the wise eyes of his former Headmaster.

Dumbledore looked at the face of the young man beside him. He looked at the thin, haggard face and his heart was filled with sadness. If anyone, besides Harry Potter had lost something, Dumbledore realised it was this man beside him. Remus Lupin was grieving for the loss of three friends, and was bewildered by the betrayal another had committed. Dumbledore knew it would take a long time for Remus Lupin to pick up the threads of his life.

After many minutes Remus Lupin turned to Dumbledore, his eyes burning with tears he couldn't shed. The pain around his heart couldn't be relieved by shedding tears Lupin felt no right to cry. He wouldn't allow himself to rid his mind of the guilt he felt, guilt that his feelings for his friend's wife had played a part in their deaths. Instead, he tried to ask a question. 'Sir….why…why do you think… Sirius….' Lupin couldn't say any more. He swallowed, and looked down into the grave again.

Dumbledore sighed heavily; he had spent the nights following Halloween asking himself the same question, while feeling guilty that the Potter's hadn't trusted him enough to use him as their Secret Keeper and had turned to the man who had gone on to betray them. 'I'm sure one day we will know Remus. One day we will know the truth, I'm certain we will, but until that time we must all go on. James and Lily would expect nothing else'.

Remus nodded and then he looked at Dumbledore again, 'Sir, what happened to Harry? Is he all right?' Dumbledore smiled weakly, 'Harry is safe for now, that's the best we can hope for him, he is with his mother's family'. Remus's eyes widened, 'Harry is with the Dursleys! James and Lily wouldn't have wanted that!' he exclaimed. Dumbledore nodded, 'I agree, but believe me, for now it is safer that way. Harry is safe, that is what matters'.

Remus looked down into the graves again, 'Sir will we ever see Harry again? Will he come back to his own world one day?' Dumbledore rested a hand on the younger man's shoulder once more. He smiled softly, 'Oh yes, Harry will be back one day. He has had a place at Hogwarts since before he was born. When he is eleven he will receive an invitation to take his place at Hogwarts and, I promise you, I will personally see to it that he takes that place and fulfils his destiny. I am sure his parents would be proud of the great things I'm certain their son will achieve'.

Remus looked at Dumbledore quizzically but he didn't have the strength for a discussion. Instead, he looked at the headstone which would soon be placed on the grave, a simple black marble stone which had James and Lily's names and dates on it, and the words 'UNITED IN LOVE' etched in gold letters on the front. Swallowing hard, he turned and walked slowly away.

Albus Dumbledore was alone now at the graveside. He smiled softly. 'Go on now James and Lily' he spoke quietly, 'Go on together into the next great adventure, Harry will be back one day, I promise'.

Waving his wand, Dumbledore conjured a red rose and a lily. 'Until Harry returns, he sends you these, with his love'. Dumbledore threw the flowers into the grave. The coffins lay side by side in the grave. A flower landed softly on each coffin. As they landed, the sun suddenly came out, shining brightly on the old wizard. Somehow he knew the young couple could hear him, wherever they were.

Putting his hand to his mouth, Dumbledore blew a gentle kiss towards the grave and then he turned and walked away, to wait for the day when Harry Potter returned to the magical world, and heard of his parents, who loved him so much that they sacrificed their lives to give him a chance to live.

THE END


End file.
